The Spears Family

Revision #4

2012-01-21T14:35:00.007-06:00

Right before surgery back in the holding area. Right after surgery. Came out with a half mohawk! Bless him. All that time trying to grow out his hair...

Incision on top of his head. This is where the catheter and valve are now located.

Incision behind his right ear where they took out the valve to move it to a different spot.

Feeling great! Happy to be home!

Blessed beyond measure

2012-01-20T21:32:00.004-06:00

Tonight Jamie and I feel like we are the most fortunate family around. During a stressful 2 days, we have been completely surrounded by family, friends, and co-workers. The messages, calls, visits, and prayers have given us a sense of peace and comfort when we needed it the most. It is in times of need that you realize how much you need those people in your life.

Lots of prayers were answered today. Anderson came through his surgery with flying colors. They did not have to replace the tubing that runs to his abdomen. They did move the placement of the shunt so he has a wild side mohawk currently and 2 incisions, but honestly does not act like he is in much, if any, pain. He has kept down fluids and food, and actually felt good enough to sit in his bed and play. It's simply amazing to watch him, knowing what he just went through.

As I sit here beside him and watch him sleep, I am truly counting my blessings tonight. Not only for him, but for each of you who read this blog, follow him on facebook, and send up prayers on his behalf.

Thank you does not seem like enough. I only hope that when any of my friends, family, or co-workers need prayers and support that I will be there for them, just as you have for us.

We're Back

2012-01-20T06:07:00.004-06:00

Back in the hospital, that is. Last week we were in our local hospital in Columbia with RSV and I think I might have just made the mistake of saying "At least it's not the shunt...we can handle this. Just no more shunt surgeries for awhile."

Really? Will I ever learn to quit saying things like that? So...here we sit at Vanderbilt awaiting our 4th shunt revision.

Anderson has had this current shunt since last February 2, 2010. So we were close to making it one year, which is the longest he's had the same shunt. Jamie and I had noticed that his walking seemed to be getting more wobbly about a week ago, although this was the same time that he was diagnosed with RSV, so we just chalked it up to being weak and not feeling well. However, after he recovered from the RSV it didn't get better. Then on Wednesday he slept all day. I mean really ALL day. He was only awake between 6-7 hours and that is not his personality at all. Even when he's sick, he's not one to sleep all day. So this threw up a big red flag.

But why is it that I question my gut about these things? You would think that after having already been through this 3 times I would automatically know to head to the ER to have all of the tests runs to find out for sure. But I didn't. I debated in my head over and over. Is it the shunt? Are we just still recovering from the RSV? Seriously there was a debate in my head for hours on Wednesday. I researched shunt malfunctions like I didn't know the symptoms already. While the whole time my gut knew it was the shunt...but I guess I wanted to try to convince myself otherwise.
So when I finally went to bed Wednesday night, I prayed that if it is the shunt, then have something happen so that I know it's the shunt and I need to take him to be checked. When my MIL got to work Thursday morning, she mentioned what was happening and asked if it could still be the RSV. When she was told no, not RSV but sounds like the shunt, that was my answer. So I brought Anderson to the ER at Vandy around late morning and the series of tests began. By 2:30 he had been through a shunt series of xrays, an MRI, a shunt tap, had an IV started, had 3 people try to draw bloodwork out of the IV and fail, have someone else come in and poke his other arm to get the bloodwork they needed, and we got the news that it was indeed the shunt and we would have surgery the following day.

I know what's coming and I hate it. But there is nothing I can do about it. I hate it not for me, but for him. The tests alone have been much worse now that he's a little older- I can't stand to think about what the surgery recovery will be. I've tried not to let myself think about it other than to pray for only one part of the shunt to be replaced and not the entire shunt system. If they remove all of the tubing that runs from his head down his neck and into his abdomen, he will be VERY sore for weeks due to the scar tissue that has built up over the last year. If they just replace the piece in his head, he will still have a very large incision but the pain won't be as bad. It will be localized pain rather than all over body pain.

So that has been my prayer. I honestly dread today. I know we've been through it before, but that doesn't make it easier. In fact, it may make it more difficult because we know what to expect. Don't get me wrong- I know it could be worse. There are many other children out there who are fighting worse battles than this and I am not trying to be whiny because I am thankful it is just a shunt, and that it can be fixed. It's just that even though it's just a shunt, it is my baby. And there is nothing harder than having to watch your precious child go through so many traumatizing tests and surgeries. This will be surgery number 7 for this little 19 month old.

Oh how I wish I could take his place. I would go through anything myself to keep him from having to do this. But this is life. I can't take this away from him like i want to, so I do the next best thing- just love him, cuddle him, and support him all the way through it. He's a tough little guy. And I remind myself frequently that God has big plans for him. This is just another part of his journey in life, that he will someday be able to share with others and show how God worked so many miracles in his life.

So today I simply ask for prayers for Anderson. Prayers for an uneventful surgery, prayers for only one part of the shunt to be replaced, prayers for him to have peace, and prayers for quick healing. I know that sounds like a lot, but our family is blessed with so many wonderful friends, coworkers, and family who pray every single time we need them. We already know those prayers work, and sometimes I feel like I am emptying all of these peoples' prayer buckets but I promise to return the favor and refill your prayer buckets whenever needed.

Thanks for reading. I will keep everyone updated on how today goes.

What a difference a year makes!

2011-12-20T21:54:00.005-06:00

Last year at this time we had one pitiful little boy on our hands. You see, he had just had his first shunt revision and was in a tremendous amount of pain. He had just learned to sit up and there were still many unknowns of what the next year would hold in terms of surgeries as well as milestones.

2011 has proven to be an amazing year for all of our children, but especially so with Anderson. After 2 surgeries in February, he has overall been pretty healthy in regards to the shunt. And milestones? This little fighter has worked very hard with his physical frustrations. Everything gross motor is much more difficult for him than typical children, but he refuses to give up. He not only mastered crawling but just in the past month has really mastered walking as well. It has been a slow process and we got discouraged a few times along the way, but we kept working and he kept trying. He can now walk all over the house, he doesn't need his hands in the air for balance anymore and he has started kicking a ball while walking just this week! It does my heart good to just sit and watch him walking around the bonus room. And did I mention that for now we are finished with PT? We thank God everyday for his continued health and development.

The girls are excited about Christmas as usual.They have helped me shop, wrap, and decorate. We put up 2 trees this year, and by "we" I mean Jamie's sister. She put up a beautiful tree downstairs in the living room. We put up our "less pretty family tree" upstairs in the bonus room. We discussed asking Santa to leave his gifts upstairs so we would have more space Christmas morning, but kinsley quickly objected. She said he can drop them by the fireplace and leave quickly. She doesn't want him anywhere near her bedroom. Some things will never change. (you know the only way she will let the Easter bunny visit is if we leave a note telling him to leave it by the door and move on to the next house.)

Karlie decided Santa isn't so bad after all and actually sat on his lap when he visited her school. This completely blew me away since the past 2 years she has screamed and cried and made her tea hers hold her. I'm not really sure what changed her mind, but it's okay with me. She started by saying she didn't really care what she got for Christmas...that she would be happy with whatever. However as Christmas gets closer she is starting to add things to her list. I tried to explain to her that everyone is finished with their Christmas shopping and it's a little late to add new wishes. She says she'll just tell Santa. :)

Kinsley has known what she wanted for a long time so she's pretty easy. Ever since her nintendo DS broke, she's been asking for an upgraded version. She also loves clothes so she has asked for clothes from her new favorite store, justice. Shopping for her is pretty easy, but she can't think of any toys or things to play with but keeps explaining to me that getting new clothes is not boring to her. I guess we will see.

This year we are thankful for good health, milestones, and and family. We are looking forward to spending time together as a family over the Christmas holiday. Looking forward to posting more for the new year. (I got a new camera so hopefully each post will have pictures as well..) of course right now my laptop is dead so we will figure that out.

Merry Christmas to all of you!

Happy Birthday Karlie!

2011-10-12T22:14:00.006-05:00

Yesterday my sweet Karlie Ryan turned 5 years old! Time goes so quickly. She is an absolutely amazing little girl with an independent, care-free, loving heart. Our lives would not be the same without this precious girl in our lives. Happy Birthday, Karlie! We love you very much!

5 years old 2011

4 years old

3 years old

2 years old (I LOVE this one!)

1st birthday!

(Looks like someone else I know, minus the earrings)

What a beautiful little girl that I could not be more proud of!! Thank you Lord for blessing our family with this child.

Free at last!

2011-08-23T20:10:00.003-05:00

Freedom seems like exactly the word to use to describe how we feel right now. I know it's been awhile since I posted but we have been busy getting back into our routine and school lives. However some really great things have happened since I last posted that I had to share. First, Anderson has been dismissed from his neurosurgeon for a year! He also got another minor surgery taken care of that had been lingering and needing to be done. Then, two weeks ago he finished his helmet therapy! Do you know what this means people? This means that as long as he stays healthy we do not have to go to Vanderbilt for any appointments until NEXT SUMMER! Seriously, this is HUGE! We have been making trips to Vandy every month to three months since I was 20 weeks pregnant with him! Right now he is doing great and God gets all the glory for that! He is beating the odds that are against him, and I thank each one of you for your prayers. Please don't stop praying! We continue to pray daily that God will continue to bless Anderson with good health. We also pray that Anderson will continue to beat the odds and prove more and more doctors wrong. He is still not walking alone yet, but he continues to work hard in physical therapy each week and refuses to give up. We have complete faith that he will learn to walk, and talk, and ride a bike, and read....but we also know that he will do it in his own time, and we're okay with that. It seems to make it more special when he finally does reach a milestone.

I fully realize that with a shunt you never know how long it will continue working correctly, but I also know that many people go years without a shunt malfunction. So our prayer is that we are able to make it until next summer before we have to go to Vanderbilt.

We will enjoy and be thankful for every day that we have a healthy child, or even healthy children for that matter. It's something we don't take for granted.

The girls have had a lot of great things going on as well...kinsley has started 2nd grade this year and loves it. She loves her teacher and really likes that she doesn't have as much homework this year as she did last year. She has several friends in her class again this year and has also made some new friends. She spent the night with a friend for the first time a few weeks ago, and is going to her first slumber party this weekend. She is really coming out of her shell more and more. She has such a big heart. She makes me proud!

Karlie is not going to kindergarten this year. She is ready but has to wait another year due to her birthday. So, she increased her days at preschool from 2 to 3, but still loves the days she can stay in her pj's and go to ms. Carla's. She has made new friends at preschool this year, mostly due to the fact that all of her friends graduated preschool and went to kindergarten without her. But she has been a trooper. She is a ball of laughter, and full of fun all the time. She amazes me with the things she says...that girl is hilarious! You just never know what is going to come out of her mouth.

We had a great summer and we are adjusting well to our back to school routine. Looking forward to posting great updates this year rather than sickness updates from the hospital. For now...free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last!

Need more space?

2011-08-06T14:45:00.002-05:00

If you live in/around the Columbia area and know anyone who is looking for more space, our house is for sale. We have only lived here about a year in a half, but it was not the smartest move we've ever made because it put me 35 minutes farther from my job, as well as a longer ride to school/babysitter for the kids. We love this house. It's perfect, all except that the location is not working for our family.

The house has 5 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, and 3030 square feet. It is zoned for Woodard, Whitthorne, and Central. It is perfect for a family with kids. The backyard is fenced in, and it is located on a cul-de-sac in a nice neighborhood.

I would be happy to send pictures or give any information to someone interested. We are not listing it with a realtor so that we can keep the price low. Since we are selling it ourselves, we are trying to get the word out however we can.

You can leave a comment or email me at spears.andrea22@gmail.com if you are interested.

Get the Gates

2011-07-30T11:59:00.004-05:00

Anderson took one look at the stairs the other night, and on his 2nd try...here's what happened.

Sweet Summertime

2011-07-20T16:01:00.002-05:00

Our family has truly enjoyed our summer break, which is quickly coming to an end. Kinsley has enjoyed sleeping in, swimming, and lounging around the house watching TV. Karlie has loved playing outside, going swimming, and playing Barbies. Anderson has enjoyed exploring the house and getting into anything he can get his hands on.

Kinsley is checking the mail everyday to see if she has gotten her letter letting her know who her teacher will be this year. I can't believe she is going into 2nd grade! She doesn't seem big enough to be in 2nd grade already! She isn't a big fan of school, but she does work hard. She's been working on her reading and math skills this summer, so hopefully she hasn't lost much.

Karlie missed going to Kindergarten this year because of her birthday (11 days too late). She is ready for K and was quite disappointed when I told her she had to go to preschool again another year. This summer she has done "school work" too while Kinsley was working. She has practiced her letters, writing her name, and writing numbers. She seems to pick up on new things easily, so I hope that continues when she gets into "real" school.

Anderson continued with physical therapy every other week. He is progressing nicely. He's still not walking, but he is pulling up and cruising. His PT says she is not in a big hurry to get him walking. We want him to master each step of the process before he goes on to the next step. He has definitely mastered crawling- he now does it without even thinking about it. Pulling up has become more natural and automatic also. So now we are working on cruising the furniture. Right now he only does it with support nearby, so our goal is to get him doing it more often and get him more comfortable with it.

He still has his helmet, which has made us spend more time inside this summer as he seems to overheat quickly. We are REALLY hoping to get out of it soon. Anderson also went to see his neurosurgeon for a check-up and he was so impressed with how well he is doing, he released him for a YEAR!! We are very excited about this, as we have been seeing him every 3 months.

Overall it's been a great summer full of swimming, sleeping in, and just spending some quality time together as a family. Now...to enjoy the last 2 weeks before school starts...

More impressed doctors...

2011-06-08T20:43:00.003-05:00

On Tuesday, Anderson went for his year developmental screening at Vanderbilt. At first, a nurse practitioner came in and did most of the screening. She played with him in the floor and then asked me a series of questions. She then left the room and told me she was going to go score the screening and she would be right back. When she came back in, she brought a doctor with her-Not just any doctor, but a doctor who had taken care of Anderson after he was born. Since his condition is not very common, she remembered exactly who he was...and when she walked in the room, her mouth literally dropped open.

She then did a few more little tests on him, and just kept shaking her head in disbelief. She told me she was amazed at how well he is doing. I said, "I know. When he was 4 days old you guys told us he wouldn't be able to do much of anything." She looked me dead in the eye and said, "I know. I remember."

I told her how pleased Jamie and I are with the progress he is making and how well he is doing. She then said, "You should be. You have no idea how pleased you should be. This kid is amazing!"

:) I think I walked out of that office with the biggest smile on my face. The doctor tried to attribute his progress to Jamie and I working with him- BUT we don't take ANY credit at all...we know who deserves all the credit and glory! Thank you Father for this child who is a blessing to so many!

A Magical Time

2011-06-06T13:06:00.005-05:00

Our family just returned from a week long trip to Disney World in Orlando, Florida. My entire family went (15 total) and we had a wonderful time! We are exhausted and still trying to recover, but already looking ahead to when we can go back again.

It's such a magical place. They really don't skimp on anything- everything is over the top! The girls both loved getting to eat supper with all of the Disney Princesses. They also loved the water park. Karlie was actually big enough to ride some of the roller coasters - she has absolutely NO FEAR! That girl is my new riding buddy! Kinsley, on the other hand, is a bit more cautious about what she will or will not ride. But she had a great time even without the roller coasters. Neither of the girls were too fond of the characters- I kind of figured since they both get creeped out every Halloween. Anderson, however, absolutely LOVED the characters.

Our trip worked out where we were there for Anderson's 1st birthday. It was a wonderful day! He got to meet many characters, including his favorite- Mickey Mouse. He had a special hat and button that said it was his birthday and everyone who worked at the park would stop and wish him a happy birthday. At supper that night, we got to eat with Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, and Eeyore. The waitress brought out a cupcake with 1 candle and we all sang Happy Birthday to him. He also got a card signed by all the characters. It was a wonderful night.

Both mine and Jamie's favorite part was the fireworks show at Magic Kingdom. TinkerBell flew right over us out of Cinderella's castle, and the whole show just made me feel like a kid all over again. I stood there mesmerized. I actually caught myself tearing up, thinking about the challenges and surgeries that Anderson has already faced in his short life, and thinking about how he has done so well with everything, and how God has blessed us tremendously over the last year...I couldn't think of a bigger celebration than being at Magic Kingdom for the Fireworks spectacular, and I couldn't think of another child or year that deserved such a grand celebration.

We had a wonderful time with many memories made. I will leave you with just a few pictures...

The story of "Us"

2011-05-18T20:18:00.003-05:00

As I walked into the building for the first day of school my Freshman year, nervous doesn't even touch what I was feeling. Not only was it my first year of high school, but it was also a NEW high school. Plus, many of the students at this school had been together since Preschool. I knew some of them from church, but I was still so scared that I wouldn't fit in. I quickly discovered that there were about 6 other people who were brand new that year also. The six of us bonded rather quickly our freshman year.

There seemed to be an attraction between myself and one of those other newbies- a guy named Jamie. However, we didn't date- we just were good friends our Freshman year. Our sophomore and junior years we weren't as close. He had different girlfriends, I had a serious boyfriend, and we kind of went on separate paths.

However, our senior year led our paths back together. Not without some drama, though. I'm not sure much can happen in high school without a little drama, right? Anyway, we started dating our senior year, and well, the rest is history.

We went off to college together, graduated from college one Saturday and got married the very next weekend.

Many people didn't think we were meant to be together. They said we'd never make it. I'm not going to lie and say that the entire road has been free of bumps or obstacles, but we have been able to overcome every roadblock together. It's been a great 9 years and I look forward to many more years ahead with him by my side!

Happy Anniversary Jamie!!

Happy Birthday Sweet Kinsley!!

2011-05-14T14:53:00.013-05:00

2 years old

3 years old

4 years old

5 years old

6 years old

Seven years ago today at 8:48am, Jamie and I were blessed with a beautiful 8lb. 10 oz. 21 inches long baby girl.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Kinsley! We love you so much!

Celebrating!!

2011-05-13T19:57:00.004-05:00

We knew with the amount of determination he has, he will be able to accomplish anything he wants. Lately, he has been working REALLY hard to get his body to do what he needed it to do- MOVE. He wanted to get to toys, but couldn't get his body to cooperate and make the necessary coordinated movements. He was getting pretty frustrated...we've been working on it for over a month in PT. Yesterday his therapist explained to me how difficult of a task it is...but in the same breath she said "But he will do it." And today...He did.

Thank you Lord for helping us learn to celebrate the "little things" in life.

The Helmet

2011-05-02T21:14:00.004-05:00

Anderson went back to the plastic surgeon today to check on the progress of his helmet therapy. After 5 weeks, it is already possible to see progress. The plastic surgeon was pleased with the results thus far...sent us to the orthotist for some minor adjustments, and told us to come back in 5-6 weeks. We still don't know how long exactly he will have to wear it, but I do know that when we go back on June 13 they will rescan his head and see with numbers and images exactly how much progress has been made and how much is still lacking...praying for his sake that he does not have to wear it all summer.

This kid LOVES to be outside. He can't stand it. He would stay outside all day if he could- but they warned me today that as the weather gets hotter we would have to be careful and limit his time outside so that he does not overheat. This will be near impossible, but we will do what we have to do.

Thanks again to Bling Your Band for the awesome vinyl decor for his helmet!! We have gotten lots of compliments on his bling. However, I did take him to Walmart with me the other day and it seemed none of the million Saturday Walmart shoppers had ever seen a baby in a helmet...wow- the looks, the stares, the whispers...almost like I had a baby alien in my buggy. Now I'm considering getting the bling that says "What are YOU looking at?" or "In three months, my head will be round...in three months, you'll still be ugly." (LOL) No I guess I wouldn't really do that. (maybe) We will just keep smiling our smile and acting like we don't notice the stares.

Doing Great

2011-04-27T16:05:00.004-05:00

I am so ashamed of my lack of posting. I really don't mean for this blog to only have posts when things are bad, or we are in the hospital, or we are sick or having surgery. Whew, life is just really busy around our house- and I wish I could figure out how to make it slow down a little. Our nightly routine is one that is rushed from the time we pull into the driveway until the time we go to bed. It bothers me that we don't get to spend a whole lot of "quality" time with each other every night, but we do try to make the best of the time we do have.

Thank goodness for American Idol- it's a favorite for our entire family. So every Wednesday and Thursday night we find some time to sit down and watch it (Have I ever mentioned that I love the DVR?)

Anyway, we are all doing great right now. The girls are enjoying the spring weather by getting in some play time outside with the neighborhood kids while Jamie and I are doing dishes or giving Anderson his bath. Karlie gets a little more time than Kinsley due to homework, but Kinsley does eventually make it out to play, even if just for a few minutes.

Anderson could not be any better right now. Jamie and I continue to be amazed at the things he learns to do. He picks up on so many things very quickly- and we just sit back and laugh- the doctors told us he wouldn't have much quality of life...boy were they ever wrong! His quality of life currently consists in:

- rolling his walker all over the house exploring cabinets and anything else he can get his hands on
- using the baby signs for "more", "thank-you", and "stop" pretty consistently
- blowing kisses
- jabbering all day long (man I wish I knew what he was thinking)
- smiling all the time
- rolling and scooting on his belly to get toys out of reach (we are sooo close to crawling)
- starting to pull up on things

These are some of our newest accomplishments. His little personality develops a little more every day. He has the sweetest, most laid-back personality of any baby I have ever been around. But we have also seen that he can have quite a little temper when he is frustrated or not getting his way. That's where the "stop" signing comes in. When he is mad at one of his sisters (or me) for not doing what he wants us to do or doing something he doesn't like, he looks us straight in the eyes and signs "STOP" and then he grunts like he is adding in an exclamation. It really is a funny sight to watch. I will have to try to get it on camera.

We go next week to check in with the plastic surgeon to see how the helmet is working. It is amazing how much of a difference we can see when we take it off at night to wash it. He loves that silly thing. When we take it off, he rubs his head and points to it- he actually wants it back on. The other night he grabbed it off the table and tried to put it on himself. Who would have thought? Not me.

So the Spears family is doing really well right now. We feel so blessed with all three of our children. While our days and nights are hectic, we wouldn't trade it for anything. Thank you Lord for blessing us with these 3 precious children.

We've taken some recent videos but I am having trouble getting them posted. So one day when I figure out what I'm doing wrong, I will post some videos to show you how far Anderson has come.

Our Home Away from Home

2011-04-06T11:01:00.003-05:00

As I type, we are in our 16th hour at the Vanderbilt Children's Hospital Emergency Department. Anderson began running a fever yesterday that got up to 103.2. We went to his pediatrician who so graciously tried to find something that could be causing the fever, without us having to come up here. BUT, all tests were negative so we had to come and have the shunt checked out.

Jamie and I have learned a few things with every trip we've made to the ER- and the most important one is that just because they know you are coming and are expecting you, doesn't mean you will get seen more quickly. So, before we headed up here, we went home and ate supper (thank you Mama Jane!), we packed the girls' things and sent them off to Aunt Colyn (again- bless her heart), and we took showers. I know that sounds strange, but when you know that you will be sitting in a little room without a shower for the next 15-24 hours, it makes it all a little better just knowing you're clean.

So we arrived last night around 7pm. They began by running the same tests that had already been done by our Pediatrician- actually told us they thought their lab was better and that some of the tests may be positive by now...they were wrong. So about 11:30 last night they started the usual tests for the shunt. Poor Anderson ended up having 2 flu swabs, 2 RSV swabs, a catheter to check his urine, an IV, blood work, urine cultures and blood cultures, 5 XRays, an MRI, and a shunt tap- all while running a 103 temp, not being allowed to eat or drink, no IV fluids, and just flat out didn't feel well at all. Needless to say it was a long night.

Update: We are now home. I didn't get to finish this post before we left the hospital.

They never did find the culprit for the fever and high WBC. So they decided it was a virus. I am so thankful that it wasn't the shunt because an infected shunt is a pretty big ordeal. He has pretty much slept since we left the hospital, but when he is awake he is not a happy camper, especially while the fever is up. Thanks to everyone for their prayers. We are thankful to be home and thankful for "just a virus" when it could have been much worse.

All Blinged Out!

2011-04-01T21:37:00.005-05:00

Well...it arrived today.

I've been checking the mail all week.

It's very exciting.

My sweet Anderson has gone from sweet in blue, to.....

...Sporting some BLING!

Is he not the sweetest thing? I think so- even if he is mine.

Here are some more pics...

Refreshed

2011-03-28T19:00:00.007-05:00

Last week the girls and I went to the beach for Spring Break with some friends of ours. We had a great time. We relaxed more than I knew was possible, we had a blast playing/fighting in the pool, we built a sand turtle at the beach, I read an entire book, and we just enjoyed being together. It was good for all of us. Of course I missed Jamie and sweet Anderson the entire time, but it was a much-needed break. We are glad to be home and back to the day-to-day routine of this thing called life.

Anderson had some problems with his helmet before I left. Suddenly the shunt swelled up and got really red- meaning the helmet was putting pressure on it- like it's NOT supposed to. So we had to take the helmet off and didn't put it back on until Jamie could get Anderson back up to Nashville to get it adjusted again. However, I think it is right this time. It seems to be fitting much better. He got used to it really fast again this time. I'm not going to post pictures until we get the "bling" for it, so I can show before and after pictures, but let me tell you this little guy looks adorable in his little blue helmet! He is doing great!

We have started physical therapy once a week right now. We're working mostly on gross motor skills- specifically teaching him that he doesn't have to just sit still in one place- we're trying to get him moving. He does really well and is making progress, but he's still not crawling. I'm not too worried, though. I know he will do things in his own time. I love his Physical Therapist-she is awesome. She keeps pushing him to do it even when he is in meltdown mode and wants to quit. She knows just how far to push him and when it's enough. Now we are just trying to continue with that intensity when we work with him here at home.

He is also still seeing his Early Intervention teacher once a month. She comes later this week to work with him and see how well he is doing. Last month he had a great visit and she was really pleased with his cognitive and fine motor skills. We are still trying to do some baby signs. He hasn't really picked up on any yet, but I'm trying not to get discouraged. Thank you to everyone for the comments and emails about your successes with signs. ( Especially to my cousin the Speech Pathologist for her professional view and successes!) We are trying them, but not sure we have been as consistent with them as we need to be. This is a new goal of mine...sometimes we just get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget to sign. (Sigh)

Thanks to all of our continued readers. Thank you also for those of you who are praying for Lucy and her family. We all know that God answers prayers. Our little man is proof of that!

Bad blogger, neuro, helmet, and a special request

2011-03-18T21:43:00.003-05:00

You know what I really dislike? When I find a blog to follow and I get so involved in the story that I start checking it everyday for updates....but for some reason the blog author doesn't post near as often as she promised...and everyday that I check, I see the same old blog post from a few weeks ago-

Wait- I think I'm talking about me. Yes, I just realized that I left the last post kind of like I would update it the next day or so....for those of you who have been checking it frequently, I do apologize. I have very good intentions (yes I know the saying about good intentions) but then life happens and I forget about our blog.

So, where shall I start....Ah- our post-op visit with the neurosurgeon. We went back on March 7 for a follow-up. It was awesome! The neurosurgeon actually said "WOW" when he pulled up Anderson's MRI before his Feb. 1 surgery and compared it with the most recent ER visit MRI. I have no idea how to read MRI films...but I can tell you that there is no question that God is working on this little man. The surgeon sat and went over the MRI and explained and pointed and showed me the differences. My mouth was on the floor...the difference is HUGE! And when we were leaving, he said he thinks they finally got the shunt just right. It's obviously working and doing its job. There is definitely brain tissue there- though not as much as there should be. Again they were very impressed with how well Anderson is doing- developmentally. In fact, they continue to be astounded when they see him. He brings a smile to everyone's face that he comes into contact with.

After his neuro visit went so well, I decided to swing by the helmet place to see about getting him rescanned and fitted for another helmet since we had surgery 3 days before we were supposed to pick up the first helmet. They were able to work us in and this past Wednesday we went and picked up the helmet. This kid is a trooper. We were so worried about how he would do while trying to adjust to wearing it. He leaves it alone, doesn't cry, and is even already sleeping all night with it on. I will be posting pictures soon...we are waiting on some "bling" for his band. If you wonder what I am talking about, click here.

The girls are doing well also. They are so excited for warmer weather. They are flip-flops and shorts kind of girls (like their momma). With the time change, they are getting some time to play outside after we get home from school. Kinsley is currently missing all of her front teeth- top and bottom. The bottom ones are trying to come in, but the top ones are completely empty. I would love to post a picture but she refuses to let me take a picture. I will try to catch her off-guard. Karlie has been having some bladder and tummy problems, but she keeps on going. She loves her preschool, but also loves the days she gets to stay in her PJ's and go to the sitter's house. They are both great helpers and still think their brother is pretty special, and his eyes light up when they come into a room.

The girls and I are getting ready to soon head to the beach with some friends for a girls' trip. I know I will miss Anderson (and Jamie) like crazy, but I am looking forward to a relaxing week soaking up the sun, playing with the girls, and maybe even reading an entire book. :)

One last thing tonight- you probably noticed the "Pray for Lucy" picture on the blog. We do not know this family personally, but heard their story through a co-worker of Jamie's. Their family is very similar to ours (3 young children: 2 girls, and a baby boy) Their children are all within 1 year of the same age as our children, and their middle child, Lucy, just recently found out she has cancer. A trip to the pediatrician for what they thought was a stomach virus/dehydration, led them straight into surgery to remove tumors from her spine and brain. She has had so many complications from this surgery, she hasn't even made it to St. Jude to begin her treatments yet. Just today she underwent surgery for a shunt, due to leaking spinal fluid after surgery.

I know the regular readers of this blog are believers in the power of prayer and right now this little girl and her family can use all of them they can get. Can you please join us in praying for Lucy, her mom and dad, and her 2 siblings who have been passed around without their parents at home for almost a month now? Check out her blog for more details.

Thanks for sticking with me. I know I am a bad blogger...I would promise I will do better, but I'm afraid I won't keep up with that promise. :)

March! I thought you'd never come...

2011-03-06T17:19:00.003-06:00

Last week was great! Our entire family has recovered from all of the sicknesses that February had brought.The sun shone brightly, the temperature felt like Spring, and the girls even busted out their flipflops from the attic! I love spring weather. It just makes me feel happy. I am so glad that March is here, and I hope it brings more sunshine than rain....both weather-wise as well as emotionally and physically for us.

Anderson is doing great. We still have no idea what caused his fever or head increase that caused our last ER visit. We pretty much left with no answers. However, he has his follow-up from his past surgery tomorrow with his neurosurgeon. I have A LOT of questions that I hope to get answered.

We have started measuring his head circumference every single day so that they can not pretend like his head size didn't increase due to a mis-measurement. (That's what 2 doctors tried to tell us at this last ER visit). But I know better. I know that it did increase 2 cm overnight, and I wish they had taken that more seriously. Next time I will know for sure when it changes and how much.

I will find out tomorrow if Anderson is still going to do his helmet therapy or not. As a matter of fact, now that he has a shunt that has drained that cyst, his head looks much better- not perfect, but better. Plus I want his neuro doctor to give the okay since the shunt tubing goes from the top of his head down the back of his head- I'm sure they don't want the helmet to put pressure on that tubing, but that side of his head is the one that needs the pressure to be "pushed" in. We will see what we find out.

We will also be going back soon to PT. Now that he is doing so much more, I am anxious to hear what the plan will be in this area. When Anderson's Early Intervention teacher came this month, she was very impressed with how well he is doing. Cognitively he is still advanced. We are working on crawling right now...he wants to so badly, but he just hasn't figured out all of the movements yet. He just gets on all fours and rocks back and forth until he gets tired and then lays down and rolls over onto his back. Maybe movement is coming soon. We are working hard with him on this.

We are also starting some "baby signs" with him. We are starting slowly with only 4 signs (eat, more, night-night, all done). I'm a little skeptical about him using these...so if you have a success story please share it with me. I'm afraid that if he gets used to using the sign, then he will be delayed in his speech...any opinions on this matter?

I hope that March brings many new milestones and continued good health (for all). Hoping to post soon with more updates and success stories! :)

Having a shunt changes everything...

2011-02-20T09:54:00.003-06:00

As you read in my last post, there has been a lot of sickness in the Spears family lately. First our 2 shunt revisions the first week of February, then the next week Karlie had the flu, then this past week Kinsley had the flu, then on Friday Karlie woke up with a bad bladder infection...I made the mistake of asking "What else can happen?"

Anderson was with his Aunt CaCa (Jamie's sister) since Kinsley had the flu and we didn't want him to get sick. She called me Friday before lunch and told me he was running a low fever, didn't sleep well the night before, and wouldn't take a bottle. Oh boy... here we go. I was afraid that he was coming down with the flu- even though we had gotten him out of the house and away from the girls both times. So we went to the Pediatrician's office, where we had just been on Thursday to get the stitches out from our last surgery. They did a flu swab, checked for RSV, and did some bloodwork. Everything was negative except the bloodwork showed a small possibility for a virus. Usually at this point they send you home, tell you it's a virus and if you get worse then come back. However, his head circumference had changed from 48cm to 50.5cm since the day before...and when you have a shunt, that changes everything.

So they put in a call to our neurosurgeon, who told them we needed to come to ER to be checked out. We hopped in the car, picked up Jamie from work, made sure the girls were okay with Jamie's dad, and off we went.

All I will say about Friday night at the ER is be glad that I didn't have a computer...it was the most frustrating and tiring 21 hours of my life. I think for now, I will play the Forrest Gump card and say "That's all I have to say about that!" :)

We eventually got to a room (where we still are). They don't have any idea what is going on. They don't think anything is wrong with the new(est) shunt, but aren't positive. His fever disappeared as soon as we got the hospital, and the feeding issues resolved themselves last night. We've had 2 IV's, been catheterized for urine, had an MRI, a CT scan, and a shunt series of xrays. Oh yes, and they also tapped the shunt.

What have all of these tests revealed? Well here are a few things we know now that we didn't know before Friday:

- The cyst has shrunk significantly in size since our surgery 2 weeks ago, and possibly has collapsed. In December the cyst measured 13cm in length- it is now down to 3.8cm.

- Now that the cyst is smaller, they are able to get a better view of how much brain tissue there is on the right side. Remember that when he was first born, they didn't think there was much, if any, brain tissue. We now know that there is brain tissue on the right side, but not quite all of it is there. There is some brain tissue on the top of his right hemisphere that is missing.

- The MRI labled him as having "dysgenesis" of the corpus callosum rather than "agenesis". Agenesis means it's not there at all, dysgenesis means it is there- but either not all there or malformed. The neurosurgeon said functionally they have the same results...I'm going to check more into this because every MRI in the past has said agenesis. It might not matter to him, but it does to me.

Two doctors came in this morning and told us we could go home now that he is eating and feeling better. Then about 2 hours later they came back and said they want us to stay another night so that our neurosurgeon can look at all of the test results and give us the okay to go home. I'm not sure what changed their minds, but we will wait until tomorrow and see if we find out anything else. Until then...

Trying to get ahead...

2011-02-15T10:10:00.002-06:00

It seems that the Spears clan can not get ahead lately... Jamie and I have missed more days of work in the past 2 months than we have in probably the past 2 years. Our family is usually very healthy and seem to bypass many of the sicknesses/viruses that go around- but not this year.

We had Anderson's shunt revision in December. Then another 2 shunt revisions in February.

The very next week Karlie got the flu and fought it for 4-5 days.

This morning, Kinsley woke up with a stomach virus.

So I'm home. Again.

I love my kids and I don't mind at all to take care of them when they are sick or need me...but it seems to have hit all 3 kids this year and has made for a rough February.

I always volunteer to "take one for the team" and take care of the sickly child- being a teacher, I have a pretty strong immune system. So far Jamie and Ihave been lucky, but I feel like I might need to "knock on wood" as I type that.

Hopefully everyone will soon be back on the mend and no one else will get sick.

Anderson is still recovering nicely from his surgery. In fact, he's doing really good. I need to post some new pics/videos. He is the happiest, strongest kid I know. I am anxious for him to go back for another PT eval now that he is able to do so much more.

I will try to do a longer update on him soon with pictures and everything, but for now...I am off to check on Kinsley.

See for yourself

2011-02-03T12:59:00.006-06:00

We are amazed at this little man! We are home and he hasn't missed a beat! He has picked up doing everything he was doing before this last episode. As you can see with your own eyes, he looks great... (Please excuse my shaky hand while videoing...I'm not very good at it.) This video was taken when we first got home yesterday and we were unpacking our things...it's just taken me this long to figure out how to post the silly video!

Going home!

2011-02-03T09:26:00.003-06:00

Anderson had a great night last night. Neurosurgery came in this morning and gave us the OK to go home today. Yippee!!!

This smile pretty much sums up how happy we all are today:

A not-so-subtle Sign

2011-02-02T15:07:00.004-06:00

Anderson slept great last night, which allowed Jamie and me to also get some rest. He was happy this morning and seemed to feel pretty good. The surgeon's nurse practitioner came to talk to us and make sure we understood what the plan was for today. Her name is Angel.

They came and got us at 8:30 to take us downstairs for surgery. When we got to the Pre-Op holding area, we were introduced to our nurse- Hope. At that point I knew everything was going to be okay. It was another one of those moments that I could just feel God's presence all around us! He didn't want me to miss that, so we had angel and hope all around us! :)

It ended up being around 10:30 before they took him backto surgery. It lasted about 45 minutes. When the surgeon walked in this time, he looked much more pleased. The surgery had been a success! They went in through a spot on the top of his head and were able to see the cyst and successfully get the catheter through the cyst wall. He feels this shunt should last awhile, although there are never any promises with shunts.

We are in a regular room, and Anderson is sleeping peacefully. He doesn't seem to be in a lot of pain right now, so I pray that continues to be the case. If we have a good night and everything looks good we should come home some time tomorrow.

Again thank you for the prayers. We had no idea we were in for all of this when we came to the ER Monday night. You've probably noticed that when I have a lot on my mind I like to blog about it- I guess that's my therapy. But the best part is all of the calls, prayers, and comments on my facebook page- that always makes me feel like we are surrounded by people who love and care about Anderson, and who know that God is able to heal and aren't afraid to ask Him to do just that.

Some bad news and some good news...

2011-02-01T15:04:00.002-06:00

Whew...it's been a long day(s)...if this post is all over the place please forgive me, as I have now been 33 hours without sleep...(almost just as long without a shower...ewww). I'm hoping to fix both of these problems as soon as I type this post to update everyone on how things went today.

Let's do the not-so-good news first. You know it's not good when your surgeon walks into the conference room and says, "Things went okay." You also know it's not good when your surgeon, who is one of the top surgeons in the world when it comes to shunts says, "I haven't quite figured out how to fix this."

When they went in today, they again replaced the entire shunt system (not what I wanted), but our surgeon was not pleased at all with the amount of fluid that came out of the shunt when it was initially placed. Here's what he thinks is the problem: the lining of the cyst is so thick that he doesn't think the catheter of the shunt is getting poked all the way into the cyst. He feels that when he is putting the catheter in, it is just pushing against the cyst and maybe poking it some, but not completely puncturing the cyst to drain the fluid. He's not happy with this. He doesn't want us to leave without it fixed. ( I love him for this!) However, he's not sure what to do to fix it. He was very frustrated when he came out of surgery and honestly admitted that he needed to "figure it out." So he told us that Anderson would go from the recovery room to a CT scan to see where the shunt is compared to the cyst. If the shunt is not completely in the cyst (which he already feels it isn't because they only got a trickle of fluid out) then Anderson will go back into surgery tomorrow to try something different.

At this point, we are awaiting to hear what decision the doctors feel is best. Last we heard they were downstairs looking at the CT scan and trying to "problem solve".

While this isn't the best news, it's not that bad either. I mean, I don't want him to go back into surgery tomorrow, but if it saves him future surgeries, then it's a win. It does make me nervous that this may not be a "routine" surgery tomorrow. I do feel sorry for Anderson that he has to undergo another surgery, if that is what they decide. But in the big picture, I see the benefit of it.

The good news...remember that I specifically asked all of you to pray that Anderson would not be in as much pain with this surgery as his last one? Well...thank you for praying that specific prayer. I know you did, because after surgery on his way to the CT scan, he was playing with his toes, rolling in his bed, and talking. You absolutely could not tell that he had just come out of surgery with a large incision on his head and abdomen. It's powerful and amazing to watch him this afternoon. He is a totally different child than the day of our last surgery. God is so good!

Thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, and kind words today. Please continue to pray- especially for the doctors as they try to figure all of this out and do what is best for Anderson.

Surgery #3

2011-02-01T08:36:00.003-06:00

We received word this morning that Anderson's shunt revision is scheduled for 9:30 am today. We are just trying to keep him happy, as he is very hungry. We are praying for the surgeons and that the surgery goes well with good results and minimal pain.

Thanks for any prayers you can send our way! He is already living proof that prayers are answered and God still performs miracles!

I will update more after surgery.

Same song, third verse...

2011-01-31T23:12:00.002-06:00

Saturday night Jamie and I began to notice that Anderson wasn't using his left arm much...we also noticed that he kept falling over to his left while he was sitting up- even in his highchair...he had also been really fussy, and sleepy. Sunday afternoon I put it all together and told Jamie "His shunt isn't working." He gave me a look and said, "You know, I was thinking the same thing." So we kept watching him...apparently he does not have the normal signs of shunt malfunction, but somehow we both just KNEW that's what was wrong.

I got out the tape measure to do a head measurement and realized quickly that his head has grown 2 cm since our visit with the neurosurgeon on the 24th (one week). I knew this wasn't good and immediately put in a message to the doctor.

The doctor told us to come in through the ER so that we could get the MRI done quickly. Even in a waiting room that was overflowing with sick children, we were taken immediately to a room and had already seen 2 doctors in about 15 minutes of being here.

We had an MRI and a shunt series of xrays. We were told that everything looked pretty good. The last step was a shunt tap to check the fluid....when they tried to tap the shunt, they couldn't get ANY fluid out- which means it isn't working. So...we are having surgery #3 sometime tomorrow. It has been less than 2 months since our last shunt revision, and I can't stand that he is having to go through this again, especially so soon.

I am hoping that we caught it quickly enough this time that only a piece in his head has to be replaced and not the whole thing like last time...please say a little prayer for Anderson tomorrow. Specifically that he will not have as much pain this time as last time and that this shunt will work for longer than a few months.

Thanks for all prayers. They work and mean the world to us.

Still here...

2011-01-23T17:20:00.004-06:00

I decided I needed to let everyone know that we did not skip town with the New Year- we are still here, just haven't had much to write about. In fact, I've been a little lazy. We've had a few snow systems come through- which of course means no school. So we have spent many days lounging around the house, playing games, watching movies, and just relaxing. We have ventured out to play in the snow, but only when Anderson was taking a nap- he's not too sure what to think of all the white stuff.

We are all doing well. Anderson is officially sitting up by himself. He loves to sit and play with all of the "loud" toys he got for Christmas. I still don't understand why toy companies think babies are deaf and that the toys have to be SO loud....whew. But it seems the louder they are, the more he likes them- so I guess they have it all figured out.

Tomorrow we will venture back to Vanderbilt. We will visit the neurosurgeon for his 6 week follow-up from his last surgery (has it already been 6 weeks?). We will also go to get fitted for his cranial helmet. Once he gets fitted, we will go back in about 10 days to get it. Then he will be sporting his helmet for 4-6 months. Fun times! I've already been researching some cute, I mean neat, decorating ideas for his helmet. There are some cute ones out there ( as cute as they can be) that are personalized with any theme you could want. I've also found some really cute bibs and shirts with sayings on them about being a "helmet baby".

My favorite so far:

He is also going for a PT evaluation this week to determine if PT services are needed or not. His EI teacher and I were concerned that even though he is sitting up and doing other things, he HATES his stomach and therefore will not roll without prompting. He also won't prop himself on his forearms or try to move toward an object while on his stomach. So we will go for an eval this week and find out if he just needs more time or needs to strengthen his upper body muscles.

So, it's going to be a busy week.

Also, our pregnancy journey with Anderson was posted on the ACC blog in a section that is titled "ACC and Moms-to-Be". Look for the link on the right side of the page. I very much enjoyed getting to share our story in hopes that someone out there who was expecting a baby and had received this diagnosis could see that it's not the end of the world. I want as many people as possible to know our story and see how God has worked in our lives and truly blessed our family and many others with Anderson. I have really been bothered by the fact that there is only a small amount of information out there available for people who are given this diagnosis. Even doctors seem to not know much about it- therefore many who receive the diagnosis are given the option of terminating the pregnancy. That bothers me really bad. There HAS to be a way to get more information out about ACC. Expectant moms should be able to be fully educated about the diagnosis. This is really tugging at my heart, and I feel a need to help with this cause but I'm not really sure how to do that... I mean, people are being told to terminate their babies when the doctors REALLY don't know. Look at Anderson- we were told when he was 5 or 6 days old that he would have severe problems and be extremely delayed. We were told to file for him to be on disability. ....Now I know that he is only 7 months old, but look at all he is able to do! Cognitively he has scored 2 months ahead. He is hitting most of his milestones early or on time. In fact, other than rolling over, he hasn't missed a milestone yet. I know he still has a long journey, but he is proof that God still works miracles and that the DOCTORS DON'T KNOW.

Sorry for getting on my soapbox...just something I am really concerned about right now.

Anyway, I will update later this week about all of our appointments and our PT eval. Hope everyone has a wonderful week! :)

It's the Little Things...

2010-12-30T22:50:00.002-06:00

The Spears family had a wonderful Christmas. We were surrounded by family for 3 days straight. We got lots of nice gifts, ate way too much good food, and made a lot of memories. I know that many times family gatherings can sometimes be stressful, annoying, and just not the top on the list of things you want to do- But this year, I realized how truly thankful I am to have such a big family that lives so close. Jamie and I are blessed to have both sides of our families within less than an hour of our house. They love and care for all 3 of our children just as much as we do. I could call on any single one of them in a moments notice and they would drop everything to help however was needed. You know, I think I have taken this for granted. I guess I always thought this is just how it was and will be. But then I realized that there are people who have lost their parents, were only children, or who live far away from family- and I don't know how they do it. Our families are truly a blessing to us and we couldn't make it without their love and support.

Anderson seems to have finally recovered from his recent surgery. I really pray that this shunt works and does not get infected because I am not sure if I can watch him go through that again anytime soon. Would you mind to continue to pray for Anderson and, specifically, for the success of this shunt surgery? Thanks. We had a little scare last night with a fever that hit the "magical" number. We called the neurosurgeon and he gave it 2 hours to come down on its own before we had to load up and head to the ER...praise the Lord it slowly lowered itself back down through the night. Anderson does have a really bad cold, though. He doesn't feel good at all, but we can deal with a cold- just not an infected shunt this soon after surgery.

Speaking of surgery, we are absolutely AMAZED at the progress Anderson has made now that he has a shunt that is fully functioning. About 2 weeks before his surgery, we began to notice some things that started to worry us. We felt like he was beginning to really fall behind developmentally. We noticed that he had quit doing things that he had already been doing. One of the most noticeable things was that he had almost completely quit using his left arm/hand. He could move it, but he wouldn't reach for anything with it, hold on to anything with it, or even grip an object tightly with it. His eyes seemed to be getting smaller in size and just weren't bright like normal. His coordination seemed to really be off, and simple things like picking up an object -he just quit doing.

So, in the last week Anderson has blossomed! He is doing all sorts of new (and old) things. The funny thing is that to most people, these things would be so little, they may go unnoticed. I can assure you we wouldn't have noticed these with either of our girls. They aren't BIG milestones, but for Anderson, they are milestones. And we celebrate each little step just like it's a BIG one.

For example, when he would sit in his Bumbo, his arms would be straight out at his sides, or they would just hang down. He would not bring his hands together to touch each other at his midline. This movement requires both sides of his brain to communicate with each other ( remember that is the job of the corpus callosum?) . Well, after this surgery, Anderson is using both of his hands to do all kinds of things- he even brings them together. Last night at supper, he sat with his hands folded together almost like he was praying. He also can now transfer an object from his left hand to his right hand, which is a big deal. Another thing he can now do is hold an object in each hand at the same. For example, if he is holding something in his left hand and I offer him another toy with his right hand, he used to drop the object in his left hand before he would grab the toy with his right. Now, he keeps hanging on and holds both in each hand.

We are amazed at his physical progress just since he recovered from the surgery. Verbally, he has now started with consonant babble sounds and proudly says "DADA" all the time. I don't even care that he didn't say MAMA first (or has said it at all yet). I am just so proud of this verbal milestone for him.

The brain is an unbelieveable organ. They say that if the pathway isn't there that it needs, it figures out a different route- kind of like a detour- or it creates its own, new pathway. Anderson's corpus callosum is not there- there is no question about it, but his little brain is working hard to find ways to do everything he needs to do. Just another reminder of how awesome God is, and what great detail he put into creating the human body. Anderson's brain is remarkable, but it doesn't get all the credit. The credit and glory all go to God. He is hearing all of our prayers (if you are a reader, your prayers are included in that "our"), and he is answering them. We couldn't be more thankful and proud of our little guy. He is a trooper.

We did get a new video camera for Christmas. It's digital ( I guess they all are now) and as soon as I figure out how to add video on here, I would love to show you Anderson in action with some of his new tricks. I will try to figure that out soon.

Until then, we will continue celebrating each little milestone as it comes along...because sometimes the best things in life....are the little things.

Being reminded

2010-12-20T23:59:00.002-06:00

Lots of emotions are going on inside me right now: thankful, curious, worry, exhaustion, delight, happiness, and frustration all at the same time.

Anderson finally appears to really be on the road to recovery from his surgery. I know the last post sounded like he was fine right from the beginning, but to back up just a little...the day after surgery was fabulous. He seemed to not be in much pain and was back to his smiling little self. Then Thursday (2 days post-op) was awful. Just by looking in his eyes you could tell he didn't feel well. He cried every time I moved him like I was hurting him, but he didn't want to be laid down. He wanted to be held, so I held him. His soft spot became full just like before surgery, so there were concerns that this shunt had already decided it didn't want to work. And that night he started with a fever. It got to 100.7 even with all of the Tylenol he was on-but we weren't to call the doctor until it got to 101.5, so I was on fever watch all night.

On Friday, his fever went away without ever getting any closer to the "magic" number. However, he still was not himself. He cried a lot, wasn't eating really good, and just wanted to be held and not move. He wasn't smiling much and just looked miserable. It is absolutely heart wrenching as a parent to see your baby in so much pain and discomfort and know there is nothing you can do to take that pain away. In fact, I would say that this experience has left Jamie and I both emotionally exhausted.

Saturday was a little better. He still didn't want to move around a lot, but he did start smiling more and crying less. He acted more like himself. We were so thankful for the improvement.

Sunday was like a roller coaster. One minute he was happy, smiling, and giggling, and not 5 minutes later he was screaming his head off and we couldn't get him calmed down.

Overall today was the best day we've had since the day right after surgery. He does still want to be held all day, but his demeanor is back to normal and not much crying (except when I put him down).

We are thankful that his surgery went well, we are thankful that he is finally recovering from it, and we are anxious to see the changes we will see now that his new shunt is functioning properly.

With Christmas approaching, we are definitely counting our blessings. We know we have been blessed beyond measure with all of our children, but especially Anderson. He truly is a miracle baby.

However, this most recent surgery has also brought some worry and fear to the forefront of my mind. I worry about his development. I worry about how long we have until this shunt quits working. I fear that he will not hit milestones both physically and verbally. I fear that I will let myself be overwhelmed by comparing him to typical children his age. I know that he is capable of everything a typical child can do, but what I must remind myself is that his brain is different. He is going to move at his own pace and accomplish things in his own time. I know that in the grand scheme of things it does not matter at what age he rolled over, crawled, walked, spoke his first words, etc. I don't think any of those questions are on job applications. I fear that I will miss out on the little things by being so concerned with the bigger things.

I don't want to be this way. I want to be the strong, courageous person with faith that can move a mountain. Most of the time I do feel strong. I do feel God's presence and know that he is in control and knows what lies ahead for our family. But sometimes, I allow myself to lose focus on God and focus on life. And when I focus on life, everything starts to fall apart because I know that this is bigger than I can do on my own. So there are times that I must remind myself that God is in charge. And I have to tell myself that He is the healer and he knows exactly what is best for all of us. And I must refocus everything I have on him.

Sometimes he reminds me of this in subtle ways, other times he nearly shouts at me. Tonight I had been reading a blog written by a mother whose son has ACC like Anderson. There are a few differences in their diagnoses but also some very similar conditions. This boy is about 14 months older than Anderson, and as I read their blog, I found myself questioning if Anderson was headed in the same direction with the same challenges. I decided to put the computer away for the night, and catch up on some reading. I was a few days behind in the book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. (If you don't have this book, I highly recommend it!) Anyway, when I got to the reading for today, this is what I found:

My plan for your life is unfolding before you. Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back. Then, when time is right, the way before you suddenly clears- through no effort of your own.....
....Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly. As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, expect to see miracles- and you will. Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly. Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory.

That couldn't have come at a better time. I must remind myself to live by Faith- not by sight. I have to remind myself that God's plan for my life will be revealed in it's own time. I must sit back and relax, enjoy the ride, and not miss one single second by worrying.

Shunt Revision

2010-12-14T17:25:00.008-06:00

Anderson had his first shunt revision today. We were scheduled for surgery at 12pm but he didn't get taken back to surgery until about 1:50. He was such a good baby though considering he hadn't eaten at that point in about 18 hours.

When they went in to check things out, they discovered that the whole thing was not working properly so they had to replace the entire shunt system. Surgery took about 45 minutes. He ended up coming out with 2 incisions again this time, rather than just the 1 that they had told us he would have. What they didn't warn us about was the size of the incision on his head. Apparently when they go in for a revision, they have to expose the entire shunt and tubing, so our less than 2 inch incision is now about a 5-6 inch incision.

When we first saw him in the recovery room he was in A LOT of pain. It took them about 15 minutes or so to get his pain under control.

We are now in a regular room and he is currently resting peacefully. We are praying for him to sleep and be as much pain-free as possible tonight. They are still telling us that we will be discharged in the morning. Hoping that we get home before the ice storm hits that is coming.

Thank you for all of the prayers and messages today. Like I've said before, those are what keep us positive and going on days like today. We are so thankful that the surgery went well and hope that his recovery will go smoothly. We have been told that there is enough tubing with his shunt that it can last him until he is an adult- unless it quits working again. So we will continue praying that this shunt will work properly and last more than 6 months.

Surgery

2010-12-12T11:31:00.002-06:00

Anderson will be having surgery on Tuesday. Right now it is set for 12:00pm. There is a possibility that it could be moved up, but we won't know for sure until sometime tomorrow. His shunt is not malfunctioned, but Dr. Tulipan says it is not fuctioning adequately. So we will have a shunt revision. To be honest, I don't really know what all that entails. I know we will have all of the details before they take him to surgery, but we don't know everything right now.

Just trying to finish up our Christmas shopping and make plans for the girls for the next few days. Thanks to everyone who has offered to help out. It's times like this that it is so nice to have such a big family and lots of friends nearby.

We will post on Tuesday to let you know how the surgery goes. Until then....lots to get done!

Finally

2010-12-08T20:09:00.002-06:00

We finally got some news today. Thanks to our wonderful Pediatrician here in Columbia who called Vandy and got some information. Then I had to call back this afternoon because no one from Vandy had called ME to let me know what was going on. When someone finally called, I didn't get an apology or anything. They just acted like it was no big deal...they will soon figure out that to THIS momma it IS a big deal.

Tomorrow Anderson will be having a CT of both his skull/bones and his brain. This should take care of the images for his neurosurgeon regarding the shunt as well as the images for the plastic surgeon who will fit him with his helmet in January.

That's about all we know right now. Hoping it doesn't take forever to get these results. We would like to enjoy our Christmas without the worry of Anderson's shunt malfunctioning. Will post more news as we have it.

The Doctor Admits...

2010-12-04T17:52:00.006-06:00

****Update #2: Still no call today...unless you consider the fact that the secretary called to tell me someone WAS going to call me, but couldn't tell me when. Really? Yes I am frustrated, but I did not act ugly on the phone- I figure it's not the secretary's fault...plus, she called while I was at school and I had 23 pairs of 10 year old eyes watching (and listening to) everything I said...) Maybe I will have news tomorrow for a separate post...don't hold your breath. :)

UPDATE: The doctor never called today to let us know if we are having surgery or not. I even called twice and left a message- no one ever returned my call. So....I am frustrated and we still don't have any answers. Praying tonight for some answers tomorrow (and that I can keep my cool when I finally talk to someone.)

original post:

This past week, Anderson went to Vanderbilt for his 6 month developmental screening. All babies who spend time in the NICU when they are born, go through these screenings. As I have posted before, it is really fun to sit back and watch each time a new doctor/nurse comes in to examine Anderson. You see, all they know of Anderson is his medical chart and all of the MRI images that show a large cyst on the right side of his brain, covering much brain tissue. With all of their medical experience, they immediately have a picture in their minds of what this "Anderson" will look like and be able (or not able) to do. In the past, all we've gotten is the remarks "He looks great." But this past week, a doctor actually went a little farther and recognized that there was something bigger going on. She did the screening, scored the screening, and as she was discussing the results with Jamie and me, she stopped and said, "You both have a lot to be thankful for. After reading his chart and viewing all of his scans, he should not be able to do half of what he is doing." Jamie and I both smiled and told her that he is an answer to many prayers. She smiled and agreed with us. It was a wonderful moment- for someone in the medical field to actually stop and admit that there is more going on in Anderson's life than just his medical chart can show.

The screenings showed that verbal and motor skills are equal to that of a 4-5 month old. So considering he JUST turned 6 months on Dec. 1 we were pleased with that. We do have some things that we will continue to work on with him at home, but overall he is doing great. Get this- his cognitive level came out equal to an 8 month old! Can you believe it? He is actually advanced in his cognitive skills! We knew he was doing great, but it means so much more to have a doctor agree!

There was some concern that the circumference of his head has increased more than they would like it to, so we ended up having an ultra sound of his brain while we were there. The bad news is that the cyst has grown- which it shouldn't do with his shunt in place. So there is question whether his shunt is working properly or not. It hasn't completely malfunctioned, but may not be draining the fluid out of the cyst like it should. His neurosurgeon was out of town, so we are supposed to find out this coming Monday whether we are going back into surgery to have our shunt revised. We hope not, but if he needs it done, then we know it won't be a huge deal. I will be sure to post on Monday whether we are having surgery or not.

The other concern is the shape of his head. Of course it matches Karlie's head at that age- BIG. But it is also flat on the back and starting to bulge some on the sides, so more than likely we are going to end up with a skull-shaping helmet. I hate this for him because I know how uncomfortable this must be, but we are willing to do whatever it takes to correct any problems for him that we can. Our appointment with the plastic surgeon who will fit his helmet is in January.

So overall Anderson is still doing great. He is the sweetest, happiest baby I have ever been around. There is nothing better than picking him up from the babysitter and having him grab my cheeks and give me a big giant kiss. He absolutely adores his big sisters, and I have to admit, LOVES his daddy maybe even moreso than me. He has been such a blessing to our family. I can't imagine life without him.

Just like we told the doctor, we will continue being thankful for everything he is able to do, and while we understand that there may be some bumps in the road in the future, we will deal with those as they arrive, but for now, we will just enjoy and celebrate the wonderful things he is able to do.

Thank you to those of you who continue to pray for Anderson and our family. We appreciate those prayers more than you will ever know, and they are being answered. God has shown himself in our lives and I know he has a special plan for Anderson. This sweet baby has already blessed so many people in his 6 months of life. I can't wait to see what else is in store for him.

He can and He will...If you let Him

2010-10-16T01:13:00.002-05:00

Tonight as I was lying down to go to sleep, I was talking to God and thanking him for all of the blessings in my life. As I started thinking about all of these blessings, I realized how much God has been by our side and taken care of our family- especially with Anderson. Don't get me wrong, I have known what a blessing he is, but I think I got caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and allowed myself to not be as much in awe and thankfulness as I should be. The more I thought about it, the more awake I became. I could not sleep. I decided that I needed to remind myself of the entire journey that we have been on with Anderson- just to remember what a blessing he is and to remind myself of how God was with us throughout the entire journey.

One of the things I did was went back to a podcast of a sermon at our church back in April. It was the first week in a study we were doing on living a Fearless life. During the sermon, our preacher shared one of the posts from the blog that Jamie had written. It described the events of the 20 week ultrasound with openness and emotion. As I listened to it tonight, I sat and cried. I began to remember all of those feelings of uncertainty. I remembered the events and feelings that day in the doctor's office. I remembered how no matter what obstacle we faced, God gave us the courage, strength, and ability to face all of them. Those of you who know Jamie and me know that we would not be described as strong people. If you had told either of us that we would face something like that, it would have scared us to death. And if you had told us we would have the faith and strength to face it without fear and without letting the unknown completely take over our everyday thoughts, we wouldn't have belived you. But what we know now, is that we still aren't strong. God is the one who gave us the ability to make it through what we went through. There are many instances from that first visit until the present where God has shown his presence in our lives.

We had no idea what to expect with Anderson. Even after his birth we had doctors telling us that we would have major delays. I know that we are still on the beginning end of his journey, but we could not be happier that so far God has proved the doctors wrong. Anderson is the happiest baby with the sweetest personality. During our last ER visit, it was a little comical to sit back and watch the doctors (especially the neurology folks) come in to see him after looking over his medical records. Because they had a picture in their head after reading his medical records, and when they would walk into the room- the picture they previous;y had didn't match what they saw. You could see it on their faces. They were amazed. I like to think that God gets a chuckle or two as he watches, too. Because medically, with Anderson missing his Corpus Callosum, and with a large cyst in his brain full of fluid, he should already be showing signs of developmental delays- but he's not. And we give God all the praise and glory for that.

I think God has big plans for Anderson. I think when he gets bigger he is going to have quite a story/testimony to share with others. I think his future looks bright and the opportunities are endless. But no matter what he does, he will be living proof of how God works in our lives.

I know there are some of you who read this blog who may be going through struggles or storms of your own. I know some of you may be going through something that has overtaken your mind with fear and worry. Maybe you are so afraid of what's going to happen, that you are sick, you feel hopeless, and you feel like you can't face another day. I think God wants me to do more than just be thankful and share updates of how Anderson is doing. I think God expects me to share Him with all of you. I think I now have a responsibility to help others who are struggling. I want you to know something I have learned. No matter what is going on, no matter what storm you are in or what obstacle you are facing, you can give it to God. Give it to him- quit carrying it around yourself. He is in control anyway, so quit trying to take the steering wheel away from him, and let him have it. Give it to him, let him carry it, trust him, and see what happens.

The situation with Anderson is not the only fear that I handed over to God. I have been through other struggles where I had to "Let go." I am learning to let go and let God-no matter how big or how small the storm seems. It's not easy. But every time I have given something to him, he has given me the strength and courage to face it and come out on the other side. Now, please realize that by giving it to him it will not necessarily make it go away. It doesn't mean that it will turn out the way you want it to. It does mean that you acknowledge that God is in control of the situation and that you trust him. You have to know that no matter what he will take care of us- he will give us what we need.

He can help you, and He will...IF you let Him.

Growing...

2010-10-11T21:36:00.010-05:00

Everyone around here seems to be growing up too fast! Kinsley is in 1st grade and acting more mature everyday. Kindergarten was so good for her- she is slowly beginning to come out of her shell. I already know that we are in trouble when she gets older- trust me, I tried to take her shopping and already we are having to compromise on what kind of clothes she can wear! I better start praying about that now.

Karlie celebrated her 4th birthday today. She informed me that she feels much bigger and thinks being 4 is the best! She seems to be pretty mature for her age, so honestly she already seems older than 4. She has had a great birthday- one more party next weekend will finish up the celebrations. She loves her preschool this year because she is in the older class. Most of the kids in her class will go to Kindergarten next year, but because of her birthday, she will go through the oldest class twice. She is already getting a love for learning. She loves writing her name, practicing writing letters, and is already wanting to know how to spell words. She and Kinsley spend a lot of time "playing school" where Kinsley is always the (bossy) teacher and Karlie is the eager student. It is quite comical to listen to because Kinsley doesn't miss anything her teacher at school says, so she is eager to come home and repeat it to her sister.

Anderson went for his 4 month check up today, both with his neurosurgeon and his pediatrician. He is growing up so quickly! From month to month his development seems to be in fast forward. I don't know if I just took it for granted with the girls or what, but Jamie and I are amazed every day at the new skills he develops- we don't remember noticing every new thing the girls did at this age. I guess we are noticing his because we are constantly watching for any delays or difficulties that the doctors have told us about...we're still waiting. So far he is doing AWESOME. His pediatrician couldn't believe how good he looked. She laughed at his sweet personality. He smiles ALL the time, laughs, squeals, and his new trick- he blows raspberries- and thinks its hilarious.

Jamie and I feel like we have been blessed greatly with our three children. We know that in the past we took the health and development of our girls for granted- thanks to Anderson we no longer take ANYTHING for granted. Life is too short to not enjoy every single minute and be thankful for those minutes. They go by so quickly...better savor each of them!

Here are a few more pics for you to enjoy...

The Good News....

2010-09-22T21:59:00.003-05:00

So as many of you know, Monday night/Tuesday morning were very frustrating and trying. We were back at the hospital with a shunt that was swollen from the head all the way to the abdomen. When I say swollen, I don't mean just a little bit- I mean SWOLLEN. We didn't get a lot of answers, we felt like we were on a roller coaster every time a doctor would come in and say "you're going home" then 10 minutes later we hear "he may have meningitis" and then in yet another 15 -20 minutes "no he doesn't...you're going home." However, this frustrating 13 hours in the hospital ER did lead to some very positive news...news that we couldn't have been happier to see.

For those of you who followed the blog right after Anderson was born, you probably remember this post- the one from the Sunday that we had a really bad day. The post about the doctor who told us that we needed to go ahead and file for disability for our less than a week old son. The post that described how that doctor showed us the films from the 1st MRI and pointed out all of the fluid and lack of brain tissue. The post where the doctor told us a cyst grew in place of the right side of Anderson's brain...remember?

You also may remember how the last time we went to see our neurosurgeon I asked about having another MRI performed now that Anderson has his shunt and the cyst should be smaller- you know, just to see what is there. If you read this post, you remember that we were told they MIGHT do a repeat MRI but we would have to wait until Anderson is at least 6 months old. We were also told at that visit that "Whatever is going on up there is out of our control- it is up to a higher power."

It certainly is. Our little trip to the ER this week resulted in Anderson having a series of x-rays, 3 shunt taps to draw fluid, and an MRI. Yes, we got to have an MRI. And when one of the neurosurgeons came in to see us, he kept remarking at how good the MRI looked and how impressed he was.

"I want to see it!" I said.

He kind of turned slowly toward me and gave me a look like "you won't know what you're looking for. Why do you want to see it?"

"I'm not leaving here until I see it. I want to see the films. I saw the films from his first MRI and I know what I'm looking for...I want to see now that the cyst is smaller- what is there? Empty space? Brain tissue? What?"

He smiled. He said the MRI looks great- he went on to tell me "Oh, there's brain tissue there alright." And he went to find a computer.

When he led Jamie and me to the computer, he had pulled up one picture from the first MRI and one from Tuesday's. I didn't need a medical degree or an explanation from a doctor. ..I saw what Jamie and I already knew was there.....gray matter- which represents BRAIN tissue.

Anderson is NOT missing most of the right side of his brain like we had originally been told. PRAISE GOD! I looked at the doctor and told him that the MRI pictures were nothing but ANSWERED PRAYERS. I told him he had no idea how many people out there have been praying for this baby. He didn't say anything in return- just smiled.

So even though the night/day was frustrating, we came home from the hospital full of THANKSGIVING and PRAISE for more answered prayers.

We have said from the beginning that we REFUSE to give up. We REFUSE to label Anderson. And we REFUSE to lose faith. God is working all around us every single day. Thank you to all of our friends and family who believe in the power of prayer and take time to remember us in those prayers. Thank you for not giving up, thank you for all of your support when we need it most. We are truly blessed in every way.

Growing...

2010-09-18T22:30:00.004-05:00

Things are busy around here. So I've been told that even if there's no time to write, I must keep pictures updated. So...here a few new pics.

"How can I get this in my mouth?"

Always cheesing...such a happy baby.

Cheering on the VOLS with daddy! Go big orange!

Humbled at the Gas Pump

2010-08-28T16:21:00.002-05:00

One of Jamie's sisters came home this weekend and stopped by and got all of our children and took them with her for the night (thank you Aunt CaCa!). Since we were childless for a night, Jamie and I decided to go out to eat. As soon as we got in my car to leave, we heard that all-to-familiar sound of the LOW FUEL warning. So we stopped at a gas station close to our house to fill up. I went in to pay, while Jamie took the duty of pumping.

While he was pumping, another lady pulled up on the other side of the pump. She was having trouble getting the pump to take her debit card, so she finally stuck her head around and asked Jamie why in the world it was asking her for a zip code when she just wanted to use her card? Jamie helped her get everything fixed and working, and she laughed and said "Well, I'm from Centerville and I'm not used to all of this technology." (For all my Centerville friends, she was only joking...she is a very educated lady who had just never been asked for her zip code to pump gas before.)

Jamie said, "Oh really? My wife teaches in Centerville."
"Really? What's her name?"

He tells her my name and then they begin naming different teachers that they both know- making a few connections along the way.

She makes a comment about me driving from Columbia to Centerville everyday and says its not too bad, she's been driving from Centerville to Columbia for 20+ years. So Jamie asks where she works, and they are able to make some more connections of people they both know.

It's about at this point that Jamie notices the lady's face light up...
"Did you and your wife just have a baby?" she asks.
"Yes. We had a little boy born in June."

She smiles and says, "I've been praying for you. You are on my prayer list and I have prayed for you and your family every day."

WOW.

How humbling it is to know that there are people out there who we don't even know who have been praying for us. What a wonderful experience to stop to get gas, help someone on the other side having trouble, and find out she is one of those people who have been praying.

Not only has she been praying, she also has raised children born with a disability. She has walked in our shoes. She is much farther ahead in her journey than we are in ours...and what an inspiration she was to us.

Thank you Lord for confusing this sweet lady at the gas pump so we could have the opportunity to meet her.

Doctors, Development, and School

2010-07-27T08:45:00.003-05:00

I apologize that it's been so long since I've updated. Things around here are a little busy. :)

Let's see...where should I start? Oh yes, updates from the neurologist. Last Monday Anderson went back to see the neurosurgeon. We were thinking they would check lots of different things and tell us how wonderfully he is doing. Wrong. We waited in the waiting room for 2 hours, then when we finally got back to the room, the doctor came in and looked at his shunt- said the incision and the shunt looked great...do we have any quesions. Yes- why did we have to wait 2 hours for you to spend 30 seconds with us? I didn't really ask that, but I did ask a few questions. (Just to make myself feel better about the amount of time we were in the room! HA)

One of the questions that I asked was about a follow-up MRI. I asked when we would do one to see just how much the right side of Anderson's brain has developed now that the fluid is gone and we should be able to see more. The doctor tells me that he wasn't really planning on doing another MRI. His words were, "All we have control over is the shunt, and the fluid. Anything else going on in there is up to God and is nothing we can control. However, if you want an MRI so that you will know what's going on, I would at least like to wait until he is 6 months old so that we can get better pictures." Jamie and I both know that God is in control- He has already proven that by how well Anderson is doing. However, as a teacher, I think I would like to know what is there so that I know as Anderson grows how hard I can push him- I know he can always exceed expectations, but I think it's also good to know what all we are working with. What do you think? I'd love to hear some other opinions...

That same day, a lady from TEIS (TN Early Intervention) came to the house to go over Anderson's developmental screening that they did when he was 1 month old. Basically, he does NOT qualify for their services based on developmental delays- because right now he is doing what he should be doing- no delays!!! We were thrilled to hear this. The best thing is that he can still receive their services based solely on his medical diagnosis of Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum and Hydrocephalus- so once a month, an early intervention teacher will come to our house and she will give us ideas of how to work with Anderson to get him to meet different milestones, both physical, cognitive, social, and adaptive. We are really looking forward to this- having things that we can do with him every day to make sure he does not fall behind on milestones is exciting for us- we want to be proactive, rather than realize he is behind and try to play catch-up.

Also last week, Anderson finally had his circumcision done. It was not a good day, there were some complications. We go back in a month to see if the procedure got the desired result- if it didn't, then Anderson will be scheduled to have it fixed surgically when he is about 8 months old. So while it seems funny, we are praying that "things down under" are like they should be so that he does not have to be put to sleep to "fix" anything.

The last update is more about me than it is Anderson. With the school year getting ready to begin, lots of people want to know if I am returning to work. It's really funny how some people ask- "You AREN'T going back to work, ARE you?"

I realize that in sharing Anderson's story and being completely open and honest, many people feel like they have become a part of our story- and I love that, because you have. If you have followed our story and prayed for us, then you are a really big part of our story. I also realize that if I put information out there, I have to be willing to get opinions from anyoe who reads this blog...good or bad. And that's okay because I have prepared myself for those.

The answer is YES I am returing to school. I am going back August 2. I know that some of you are cringing as you read that- but that's okay because I am confident in my decision to go back to work. Jamie and I prayed a lot about it. At one point in the hospital, I remember looking at Jamie and telling him there was no way I could go back to work. However, Anderson is doing so great right now. He is not going to a daycare- he will be watched by the same lady who kept both of the girls from the time they were 8 weeks old. She isn't a babysitter- she is like family. The girls think she is part of our family. She will be keeping Anderson and Karlie at her house, and when Karlie is at preschool 2 days a week then she will have Anderson all by himself. I realize that in a perfect world every mother would be able to stay home with all of her children until they start school, but that isn't how it always works out. And if I can't be home with them, then at least I know that they are with someone who loves them just as much as I do and takes wonderful care of them. I don't know what we would do without her.

So I realize this is really long- oops. I need to post updates more often so they can be shorter. Sorry. Thanks for reading to the end! Please keep praying for Anderson and that he will continue to do so good. Pray for me as I return to work, as I know things around here will get a little crazy and chaotic for the first few weeks until we get settled into a routine.

Getting Hefty

2010-07-12T15:18:00.002-05:00

Anderson went back to his pediatrician for his 1 month check-up today. He has gained 3 pounds since leaving the hospital and has grown 2 inches! He is now up to 10 pounds 6.5 ounces and is 22.25 inches long.

She said he looks great and she is very pleased with how he is doing. His incisions are pretty much healed so we can finally quit doing sponge baths and GET IN A TUB! WooHoo! So, we will finally see whether he is going to like bathtime or not (just when we had made it through a sponge bath with no crying!).

He did have to get a shot today- first time he had been poked since the day we were discharged from the hospital- let's just say he still isn't very fond of needles!

We go next Monday to the neurosurgeon. Looking forward to that visit. Anxious for them to see all of the things he is doing...wondering what they will think about it, and when they will schedule a follow up MRI to see what's going on.

I go back to the dr tomorrow for my 6 week check-up. Looking forward to getting released to get some exercise! Hoping the incision is healed right and that Doogie Howser knew what he was doing. Ha!

A Few Funnies, Part 2

2010-07-06T07:30:00.002-05:00

Anderson was 5 days old before his 2 big sisters got to see and hold him. But on the Sunday that we were in the NICU room where we could stay in his room with him, my mom brought the girls up to spend some time with us.

The entire day was both funny and exhausting all at the same time. The girls had already waited 9 months for their brother...now 5 more days- they were tired of waiting. Let's just say they couldn't get enough of him. All of the cords and monitors didn't bother them at all- they were going to hold their baby brother- and weren't planning on sharing him with any one else. Protective doesn't even come close to describing how they felt about him. We would convince Kinsley to let someone else hold him, and in 2 minutes she would inform them that it was her turn again.

The best part came. however, when Karlie was holding him.

She was "rocking" him, rubbing on him, and wouldn't take her eyes off of him. She would ask a lot of questions about him, like she was studying him very intently. While she was holding him, he got hungry. So like all babies do, he started to put his hands up by his mouth.

So she asked, "What is he doing?"

Jamie told her, "He is hungry. He is trying to eat his hands."

Her eyes got as wide as saucers, she thought for a minute, and then said, "Well, then somebody better run downstairs to McDonalds and get him something to eat, FAST!"

A Few Funnies, Part 1

2010-07-02T09:47:00.000-05:00

Now that things have calmed down a little and Anderson is doing great, I just had to share a few stories from our experience at the hospital that are quite comical.

We will start today with Part 1- The Staples

So, since I had a C-section, I stayed in the hospital for 3 days after delivery. On the day of discharge, the doctors decided that my staples were NOT ready to come out. So, they told me that since the baby was still in the hospital, to come back to Labor and Delivery in 3 days and have my staples removed. Easy enough, right?

Once Anderson had been moved to the Children's Hospital on Monday afternoon, I decided I better go get them out. I walk back over to the regular hospital and go to Labor and Delivery and explain what I need done. The girl looks at me like I have 3 horns growing out of my head and says "We don't do that here."

"Okay...then where do you suggest I go to get this done?"

"Go back over to the nurses station where you recovered and tell them what you need."

I walk over there, tell the same story, while this time about 5 nurses look at me like I'm crazy. They tell me that will call the doctor that discharged me and see what I need to do. Could I please go sit in the waiting room? Sure. I haven't done enough sitting and waiting yet. I would LOVE to do that.

So I sit...for about 30 minutes. While I'm sitting there I remember that these directions for my staples to be removed are actually written in my discharge orders...so I walk back to the nurses desk and tell them that if they will just pull up my orders in the computer they will see that I am not out of my mind. The nurse looks at me and says, " Oh yeah...I forgot you were in the waiting room. I got busy doing something else. I will call for someone to come get those out for you."

I ask, "Do you know how long it will be? My baby has just been moved over to Children's to get ready for surgery tomorrow and I'd rather not spend all night over here waiting to get these taken out..."

She now shows some signs of compassion and picks up the phone and says it will only be a minute. But sends me back to the waiting room.

About 10 minutes later, a nurse comes to get me. We walk back up the hallway, and as we come around the corner she points to the person who has been given the task of removing the staples...I have 2 words for you:

Doogie Howser

Remember that show? Where there is a 16 year old doctor? Well, when she points to the appointed person, I see a 26 year old male standing there.

Well, this is a little uncomfortable...(he has the same look on his face.)

But I decide that these staples MUST come out, so I need to put my comfort aside and let this boy, I mean guy, do his job.

So we walk to a small room that is only big enough for an exam table and a few cabinets full of medical supplies. I decide to try to have conversation to ease the silent tension that is filling the room as he begins to remove the staples.

"So, are you a nurse?"

"No. I'm a medical student." (greeeeaaaat!)

"Really? What year are you?"

"I'm in my third year."

"Going into Obstetrics?"

"No...(are you ready for this?)...Opthamology."

"Opthamology? Really? Like an eye doctor? So what brings you over here to the OB/GYN floor?"

"During your 3rd year of medical school, you have to rotate through many different specialties. I am doing OB right now."

okay, so maybe he's been doing this for a month or so and at least has a clue what he's doing.....

He continues, "I got to see my first C-section this morning. Man, I had no idea that they keep you guys awake for those things. It was pretty awesome."

or maybe he doesn't...

Don't worry...this gets even better.

He gets to the last 3 staples and says, "I'm not sure if these are ready to come out or not." Then he shrugs his shoulders, and says, "Ah, we'll go ahead and take them out and just put some steri-strips on them."

Yeah, no biggie, right? Just my insides might fall out or I may get a serious infection.

So he takes them out. And then says, "Oooh. They are oozing pretty good. Better hold some pressure on this area for awhile." (Awkward? Noooooooo....)

Finally he is ready to cut the steri-strips to put on there, only he can't find any scissors in the room. So he tells me he will be right back, he's going to find some- and he leaves.

I hear him knock like all doctors do before entering a room. This knock is followed by the door handle jiggling, and him pushing against the door- that won't open. Yes, my friends, Doogie Howser has just locked himself out of the room and does not have the key.

I hear other nurses in the hallway cackling as he asks, "Does this door lock automatically?"

Yes, genius. It does.

I'm laying on the exam table wondering if I should get up and open the door for him, but decide to just lay there. So he goes back to the nurses desk to ask someone for a key to let him back in.

When he comes back in, he is even more embarrassed and things are MUCH more awkward. He puts the steri-strips on in record time and sends me on my way.

Wow. Did that just happen? Yes, it did. Jamie seemed to think it was hilarious when I made it back to Anderson's room...at the time, I did NOT think it was that funny. But now that I think back, I realize it actually is quite comical. Seriously, none of this was exaggerated or made up...that is EXACTLY how it happened.

Only me...Only me.

Doing Great

2010-06-22T10:40:00.002-05:00

Anderson went back to his pediatrician this morning to recheck his weight. He is now up to 8lb 9 oz, which is 2 oz heavier than his original birth weight!! Yippee! Gaining weight is good for any baby, but it is especially so with Anderson- because feeding is actually a neurological activity. Many babies who have developmental issues neurologically cannot feed and have to be fed through a feeding tube. However, Anderson is doing great drinking his bottle and is continuing to gain weight each day. I am so thankful for this!

We also got other good news today at his visit- his doctor examined him and then looked at me and said "Honestly, Andrea. If I didn't know his story and couldn't see the scar on his head from his surgery, I would not know that there had been any concerns with his health. He looks great developmentally and is doing everything a "typical" 3 week old baby should be doing. He might just be God's little miracle baby."

You have no idea how wonderful it was to hear that. I knew that Jamie and I had not noticed anything different about him than our other girls as babies, but we also knew we weren't doctors and might be overlooking something. We are so thankful that Anderson is doing so well. We continue to pray daily for his development. We feel God has already blessed him and will continue to bless him. Thank you for helping us pray...God has already answered many prayers.

Could not ask for more

2010-06-17T07:50:00.014-05:00

I thought I'd update with a few pics to show you how well Anderson is doing. Jamie and I feel blessed beyond measure, and we know that God is present and answering prayers every day. Anderson is already doing things that make us look at each other with amazement. We already feel that he is going to do way more than any of the doctors think he will do.

He is a good eater. His weight was up to 7lb 14 oz this past Monday, which was up 6 oz. from just the Friday before. We will go back next Monday just to be sure he is continuing to gain- hopefully he will be back up to his birth weight of 8lb 7oz.

He is a great sleeper! He sleeps anywhere from 3 to 3 1/2 hours at a time and 2 nights in a row he has gone 5 hours between feedings at night. I am loving this and hoping it doesn't change- unless it's for the better!

He HATES bath time! We are still having to do sponge baths because of his incisions from the surgery as well as the fact that stupid belly button still hasn't fallen off! That thing is annoying! He screams his way through his bath but as soon as I wrap him up and pick him up, he is perfectly calm and relaxed.

His big(gest) sister still thinks the world of him and stays pretty close to his side. The newness has worn off some, but both sisters still think he is pretty special.

Here are some pics from his surgery. The incision on his head is where the shunt and valve are placed. You can see where whoever shaved his hair for the surgery got a little "razor-happy". But the incision is about 3 cm long and at the base of his head where it meets his neck, you can see what looks like a knot- which is actually the valve piece of the shunt under his skin. Once he regrows his hair, you won't be able to see any of it. He also has an incision on his abdomen right above his belly button. This is where they cut to pull the shunt piping down into his abdomen to allow the fluid to drain.

It has been frustrating not being able to get him out, or to be able to have many visitors. We are anxious to be able to get him out so that all of you who have been praying for him can see him in person and be amazed at what he is already capable of doing. But we also understand the seriousness of getting an infected shunt, so we are following doctor's orders. Until then, I guess the pictures will have to do. Thanks again for the continued prayers and support. Things are going so well right now, we could not ask for more.

Settling In

2010-06-10T15:11:00.004-05:00

Just wanted to do a quick update. Anderson is doing great. He seems to be getting adjusted to being home. The girls are so excited and very helpful (kind of). I'm wondering when the new will wear off because right now they can't get enough of him. They are in his face, trying to shove his passy in his mouth everytime he makes a little noise. Whew. He does seem to be taking it well so far and not getting bothered too badly. We'll see how long that lasts!

He went for his first visit with his Pediatrician today. Everything looks good right now. He hasn't gained weight yet, but they feel that the loss of fluid and the surgery are probably contributing to that. We will go back at the beginning of next week to see if he gains weight. He is eating really good, so hopefully when we go back his weight will be higher.

We are getting adjusted to having a new baby. So far it has gone well, but Jamie has to go back to work on Monday so we'll see how well I do next week...Wish me luck!

HOME!

2010-06-09T10:03:00.003-05:00

Yes, you read that correctly...we are HOME. We had no idea that there was even a possibility of us going home today. But when the doctors made their rounds this morning at 11, it was decided that Anderson was doing so well, there wasn't anything they could do for him at the hospital that we couldn't do at home.

So we loaded up, got the paperwork, and headed home.

The doctors did ask that we be very careful about trying to ensure that his shunt doesn't get infected. An infection in a shunt is a pretty serious thing, so the doctors have asked that we do a lot of hand washing, hand sanitizing, and try to limit Anderson's exposure to a lot of visitors. They would like for us to try to keep him away from germs as much as possible. I know that you all understand and want what is best for him also.

So, we are going to get settled in. I am going to prop my swollen feet up and snuggle with the girls- who are excited to have their baby brother, momma, and daddy home. We thank you again for your prayers and support. We will continue to keep you posted of how Anderson is doing, but as for today God has answered all of our prayers and we are grateful beyond measure.

At a loss for words...

2010-06-08T20:58:00.003-05:00

This is Jamie. What an amazing journey this has been, and it has only just begun!

I want to express my sincere appreciation for the prayers, calls, comments, and text messages we have received. I am humbled and to be honest at a loss for words. I do not feel adequate nor deserving to be blessed with a beautiful healthy family. God is truly in control and knows our every need!

From the time Anderson was born, I have read all the comments on this blog as well as the comments on Andrea's Facebook. There has not been a day go by that I wasn't moved to tears. Tears of joy, sadness, and love.

I am amazed at the support we have received since we were first told about the condition. You guys have stood beside us through this journey and it is my hope you will continue. Your beautiful comments, encouraging words, and most of all your prayers to our GREAT GOD has been so powerful!

We could not have asked for today to have gone any better. I am anxious to get home and spend time with our beautiful girls. Can't wait to see what God has in store for Anderson. All praise and glory be to our God!- Jamie

Of couse I have to add my two cents worth...

Just as Jamie said, we are completely humbled by the love, support, and prayers that we are receiving from so many people. The past week has been full of ups and downs, but just being able to log on and read the comments on the blog and facebook always lifted our spirits. We knew that with that many prayers going up on Anderson't behalf, things were going to be okay.

I am so glad that I have been able to share this experience...when we first found out that something wasn't right on the 20 week ultrasound, I really debated on whether or not to share it with everyone. No one ever wants to hear that something is wrong with their baby- so the first reaction is to try to keep it quiet so that no one will know. But something told me that I needed to share it so that the few friends and family that we had who read the blog could pray for the baby. As I sit here tonight, I know that was the best decision ever. We absolutely could not have made it through this pregnancy or through the events of the past week without each one of you by our side throughout the journey. And this journey is not over. In fact, it is just beginning.

One thing that I want to ask from each of you. Jamie and I are determined that we are not going to "label" Anderson with any type of disability or say that he "can't" or "won't" be able to do certain things. We are going to allow him to prove to both us and the doctors just exactly what he CAN do. We don't want him treated differently than any other baby. We don't want special attention. What we do ask is for your continued prayers, continued support as we know we will face challenges, and continued understanding. We are going to take one day at a time. That's all we can do. We refuse to sit and worry about the future. What we will do is get all of the help and support that we can for Anderson and work with him to make sure we give him every opportunity to have a wonderful life.

So far tonight, Anderson is doing great. He has been able to drink 2 bottles since surgery and is scheduled for his 3rd at 11pm. They weren't sure if he would be able to drink at all, so this progress is wonderful! Right now he is resting peacefully, but they are having to keep him on medicine because they said he will have some pretty bad headaches for awhile from the release of the pressure on the brain. So tonight we pray for a restful, painless night for him. We pray that tomorrow will bring more progress and that we will hear the words "going home" in the near future. Thanks again...we will never be able to thank each of you enough. God is great and he has proven his healing power once again today.- Andrea

Surgery is Finished!

2010-06-08T11:09:00.002-05:00

Dr. Tulipan just came out and told us that the surgery is finished and that everything went just as planned- no problems. They are waking him up and as soon as he gets to recovery they will come get us. Thank you for your prayers. We are relieved that the procedure is complete---now on to recovery.

Update

2010-06-08T10:35:00.003-05:00

Anderson has been taken back to surgery. The anesthesia team took him back around 10:20. Once he is sedated and has his breathing tube in, the procedure should take about 30 minutes. We will keep you posted. Please continue praying.

Feelings

2010-06-08T06:53:00.006-05:00

As I type this, Anderson is sleeping peacefully. We are being as quiet as possible so we don't wake him because he is HUNGRY and can't have anything to eat. His surgery was originally scheduled for 9:30 but we have already been bumped to 11:30. I know it's a good thing that he is not considered an "emergency" case, but I hope someone takes into consideration that he is only a week old and doesn't understand why he can't have a bottle. (maybe that is just the mommy in me!)

Jamie and I were able to get a sleep room at the hospital last night which consists of a twin bed and a reclining chair. At least it had a shower in the room, which meant more to me than a comfortable bed because right now sleeping is not something I do much of- too hard to get comfy after the c-section and too much on my mind. A good hot shower is absolutely necessary, though.

So the big question is "How are we feeling?" This morning I have lots of different emotions going on (and the post-pregnancy hormones aren't helping much.)

My first emotion is sadness- It breaks my heart to see this little fella get poked, prodded, have IVs started, blow veins, do more IVs, wear a mask so that he can be under the billiruben lights, and know that he will be intubated for his surgery. One 1 week old today and it has been a rough start for him.

I also have a little bit of worry- I know that I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it. As a mother it is hard to know that your precious newborn will soon be put to sleep, intubated, and have a tube put through his skull to drain fluid from around his brain. The tube goes from his head down into his abdomen where the fluid will then be naturally absorbed by his body. Even though I know God is in control, I can't help but worry about him during the procedure.

I also can feel God's presence this morning. I know that he is with us and he is in control of the situation. It is completely overwhelming to know how many people are sending up prayers on his behalf. We have even had complete strangers sending us messages letting us know that they are praying for him. Jamie and I keep reminding ourselves daily that God has a plan. He sent Anderson into this world for a purpose...we don't know exactly what God has in store for him or our family, but we trust him.

Finally, I do have a sense of uncertainty. Even after the surgery we will not have any answers to how Anderson will respond to the surgery, whether it helped, or what his prognosis for the future will be. Basically, no one (except one person) knows what type of life Anderson will be able to lead. He may have some serious delays, or he may be completely fine. None of the doctors know exactly what the future holds in store for him- and we won't until he shows us what he is able to do.

Anderson is starting to wake up and try to eat his hands, so I am off for now to try to keep him as peaceful as possible. I will have someone in our family update the blog as information becomes available. Thank you for the prayers...please keep them going up all day today.

Update

2010-06-07T13:44:00.002-05:00

Jamie and I have just finished speaking with Dr. Tulipan's nurse practitioner. The neuro team has decided that it is best for Anderson to get a shunt placed in the morning. We have stepped out of his room right now, as they draw his pre-op bloodwork as well as get an IV started. We have still not been moved to Children's hospital, but should be doing that in the next hour or so from the latest we were told.

We are okay- scared for our 6 day old baby to undergo surgery, but we also know that he is being cared for by the top-notch neurosurgeons and we know how many people out there are lifting him up in prayer. God will take care of him during his surgery. We know this is what is best. We still don't have any idea of his prognosis for the future, and we probably won't. But, the surgeons do feel that he will tolerate the procedure well and if he does good feeding then he could go home the next day...we will see.

So that is the latest. Please pray for the team of surgeons and pray that Anderson will tolerate the procedure well and that this will help him.

The Ups and Downs

2010-06-06T20:00:00.002-05:00

Tonight as I sit here and write, I have feet swollen so bad they look like one of an elephant's. Physically I have had a good day, but it has caught up to me and now I am hurting and my incision feels like it is about to rip apart. Emotionally I am a wreck. It has been a long day. Jamie and I have faced some challenges today that we never really planned on facing.

The Pediatrician over the NICU step down unit came in this morning and wanted to at least show us the films from Anderson's MRI that he finally had Friday night. There still isn't a report, because we are still waiting for Dr. Tulipan to do that tomorrow. However, seeing the pictures of your baby's head and seeing nothing but fluid where there is supposed to be gray matter (brain tissue) is pretty disturbing. Hearing a doctor say that he isn't sure if the right side of your baby's brain has developed at all is even more disturbing. Then having the doctor look at you and tell you that you should go ahead and file for disability for your newborn baby just puts the icing on the cake.

For those of you who have been following the blog, you are probably thinking one of two things: either 1.) Andrea and Jamie have not been being honest about the details of the baby's brain condition. or 2.) What? I thought it wasn't that bad. I thought we were looking at a case of fluid that may/may not need to be shunted.

I can assure you that one thing Jamie and I have tried to do whenever we blog is to be real, honest, and open. We feel that if we are asking for prayers and support, then those of you who care enough to pray deserve updates and details of what is happening.

So, that leaves question number 2, which is exactly what we were thinking as we listened to the doctor and looked at the pictures. Why are we being told different things by each different nurse/doctor/nurse practitioner that comes to talk to us? Why is no one on the same page? Does anyone REALLY know what is going on or is everyone just giving us their opinions? All of these questions have been running through my mind all day.

Basically the doctor today said that there is a cyst in his brain- a cyst that is full of fluid- lots of fluid. He feels that the cyst grew in place of the majority of the right side of his brain. So basically he thinks that about 1/4 of Anderson's right hemisphere is developed and the other 3/4 is a fluid-filled cyst. Sounds encouraging, huh? So Jamie and I had a moment of shock- I felt like I had been hit by a ton truck. It had never been presented to us in quite this fashion.

Kinsley and Karlie were both able to come to the room and get to see and hold their brother for the first time. It was so good for them to get to finally spend some time with him after waiting so long. However it was very emotional for me when they had to leave. I feel so guilty right now because I am not being able to spend time with them- they are being cared for by others, and I know they are being taken care of and are fine- but I also know they are ready to have their mommy and daddy back home and get back to some type of regularness.

So as I type this tonight, I am emotional and overwhelmed. I just want to be at home with all three of my wonderful children and be able to be a mommy for all of them. I am anxious to find out tomorrow what the neurosurgeon says about the MRI and what his recommendation is. I know that first thing in the morning we are being taken from our current room where we have been getting to spend all day and night with Anderson, over to the Children's Hospital where we will not get to share a room with him. Tomorrow is a big day...there is a possibility that surgery could even be scheduled as early as sometime tomorrow.

Jamie and I have not given up hope, even though that is what Satan is trying to get us to do. We are realistic and know that the MRI does show things to be concerned about. Jamie kept reminding me today when I would have a meltdown that God is still in control- He has a plan for Anderson. We don't know that outcome or the plan, but there is one person who does. So far on our journey we have had good days and bad days, ups and downs. Today was a down day, and tonight I feel like the little engine who could. I feel like I am at the bottom of the big hill and while I feel like saying "I think I can..." as I look toward tomorrow, Jamie has reminded me that together, along with God leading us, we have to say, "We know we can..."

We will get through this. And no matter the outcome, it will not change our love for Anderson. We think he is pretty special. We are not willing to give up on him, label him with a disability, or say that he is not going to be able to do certain things... No one knows what he is going to be capable of doing- until he reaches those points and either does/ or doesn't do them. Until that point, we refuse to give up hope. We refuse to think a miracle is impossible.

Are we concerned about his future? Sure we are. I'm not going to try to put on an act like things are hunky dorey all day long and we don't get anxious or allow ourselves to worry. We do. But we don't allow those worries/fears to overtake us. We don't allow Satan to win that battle. We have too many prayers going up on Anderson't behalf, and we know just how big our God is.

Lord, we believe. Forgive us for our unbelief.

Thank you for your prayers. Many people are asking what they can do for us- PRAY, PRAY, PRAY...that's it. There is nothing more that anyone can give us right now than this. Prayers for Anderson's well-being, prayers for strength for Jamie and I as we face the coming days, prayers for Kinsley and Karlie who don't understand why their mommy, daddy, and baby brother can't come home and who have lost all sense of routine and security.

We will try to get the word out tomorrow as soon as we know what is happening. If we can't get to a computer we will try to have someone post for us. Sorry for the long post- but I had a lot on my mind and in my heart that I wanted to share tonight. Thanks for sticking with me to the end.

A Good Day

2010-06-05T18:52:00.002-05:00

Today has been a great day. I just wanted to share a few updates with all of you.

The step-down NICU where Anderson was moved is wonderful. The nurses and doctors here are wonderful and keep us informed of everything going on. Jamie and I are in the room with Anderson all the time- the nurses said they want us to act like we are at home as much as possible. We are doing all of his feedings, diaper changes, rocking, etc. He is all ours, but is being monitored by the nurses and they check in on us often to make sure everything is going well and we don't need anything. So, since Jamie got to spend time with him last night, I have spent most of the day today rocking and loving on him. Jamie teases me about spoiling him, but right now I don't care- he will survive being spoiled. Emotionally and mentally this is good medicine for me and I am sure it is probably the same for him.

He is a little jaundiced, so he is laying on a billi-blanket. We have been told that it's okay to lay the blanket on our chest and hold him (so I've done a lot of that).

He did have his MRI last night and praise God he did not have to be sedated. Jamie fed him a bottle before they took him and he slept through the entire thing. I don't know how he slept through a procedure that noisy, except that God knew how badly we didn't want him to have to be sedated since he also had breathing issues.

At first we were told that when we got the MRI results today, that if all looked good and no surgery was required, then Anderson could possibly be released tonight or tomorrow. However, since then we found out that the Neurologist on call today wanted to wait until Monday for Dr. Tulipan to review th films and give the results. So Monday he is going to read the results and discuss with his team of neurosurgeons what they think needs to be done- surgery or no surgery. Until then we will just get to relax and enjoy being here. :) The doctor actually said that Anderson is doing so well that he medically doesn't have a reason to stay in the hospital and we could go home, but he would hate to send us home and then make us come back for surgery is that is what they decide to do.

So that is where things stand tonight. Jamie has gone home to spend time with the girls. They are doing great. They can't wait to get their brother (and mom and dad) home for good, but they have really dealt with the separation and being bounced around really good. We are so thankful for our families who have all stepped in to help out. We have also had a lot of friends volunteer to help watch them. We have lots of people willing to help if needed and that makes this much easier. It's great to not have to worry about where they will be or who will watch them.

We will be sure to update if anything new arises between now and Monday. We will also try to update on Monday as soon as we know something, but we realize that doctors don't seem to work on the same time schedule as we would like so we have no idea when on Monday we will find out something.

Until then...I'm going to sit and rock this sweet baby and spoil him rotten!
Andrea

Still waiting....

2010-06-04T20:24:00.004-05:00

Anderson has been moved from one NICU to another NICU, which is regarded as a step down unit. He is able to be in the room with us and we are able to feed and hold him anytime. The feeding tube was removed today and he continues to be able to take the bottle with no problem. He may be a little jaundice. More blood work is being performed as I type to determine the status. He left the room around 8:15 to be taken for his MRI. Hopefully he will cooperate and not have to be sedated. I ask for your prayers as we anxiously await the results. This should determine if a shunt is needed.

Andrea was released from the hospital today around 2:00. She is still in some major pain but for the most part doing good. Her persistence and patience throughout this pregnancy has been remarkable. She is truly a warrior and my best friend! After her release, we sat in the waiting room for nearly 5 hours waiting for the next step with Anderson. She was emotionally, physically, and mentally exausted. She has went home to try and get some much needed sleep. Pray that she is able to rest peacfully.

I am staying the night with Anderson for a little Daddy/Son bonding time. I am looking forward to holding him and spending some time with him. As the MRI results become available, I will try and post and keep everyone informed. Thanks to everyone for all the prayers on his behalf. I am confident he will be able to tell his story one day!

Prayers are being answered...

2010-06-03T21:04:00.003-05:00

I have just returned to my room from the NICU, where prayers are being answered. Anderson has been completely removed from all of the oxygen for the last hour and a half and has done wonderfully. As long as he continues to do well, he will get to stay off of the machine! Thank you God for answering all of those prayers!

He did not have his MRI today, and we have been told that is because they are waiting for me to get discharged tomorrow so that I can go with him to the MRI. They may need to sedate him, but felt it would be best if I could go with him. So please continue to pray that the MRI will go well tomorrow.

We have also been told that after the MRI, Anderson will be moved to the Children's Hospital to a REGULAR room so that mom (and Dad) can be with him all the time.

His nurse tonight said that as of right now they are not planning on doing a shunt- they have checked the fluid and there is no infection, so he doesn't need antibiotics. Right now they feel that the fluid will naturally be absorbed by his body. But the MRI should give answers to many questions.

Again, this information came from Anderson's nurse tonight. We don't know for certain that everything will happen as planned, but what I do know is that tomorrow will be a BIG day. Anderson has already made so much progress and I know it is because of all of the prayers going up on his behalf. God does answer prayers- I've said that and believed that all along. The hard part is making myself realize that God doesn't work on my time scale.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers for Anderson. Please keep praying for big things to happen tomorrow. I will keep you posted as things happen.

I am headed back to the NICU at 11 to feed him again. I am already praying that things continue to progress in this direction. I can't wait to get him home so that all of you who have been praying for him can get to see him, hold him, and love on him!

All the pain goes away when........

2010-06-02T12:04:00.005-05:00

you get to hold your baby for the first time! Andrea finally got to hold Anderson and feed him his first bottle. He did really well considering he has a tube down his throat.

We have received results from a few tests. The scan of his kidneys and the EKG results came back normal. His dependency on oxygen continues to decrease. Praise God for both of these!

Andrea had a rought start to the day, but has since rebounded and done excellent. Although the pain and soreness is present, she has been able to walk several times today including once on her own.

That is all for now folks. Thanks for all the prayers,calls, texts, emails, and gifts. We truly are blessed! I will leave you with a few more pictures.

A Few Pics

2010-06-02T07:16:00.003-05:00

The newest love of my life.

The proud big sisters.

No updates yet today... but Jamie and I are anxiously awaiting 9am so we can go see our sweet baby and find out what kind of night he had last night. Praying that we will be able to hold him very soon. My pain is much worse today, but I think getting to be with Anderson will make it all better.

Latest details

2010-06-01T18:05:00.002-05:00

Wow! What a day! Jamie and I woke up at 3:45 this morning, left the house at 4:15, and were at Vanderbilt at 5:20 ready to go. I was taken into surgery right on time at 8:00.

Anderson Knox entered the world at 8:38am. They held him up over the curtain for me to see, and then took him to the other side of the room where a team of pediatricians were waiting to check him out. It took him several minutes to start crying, but he did finally begin to cry. Shortly after, we were told that he was struggling to breathe so they were going to take him to the NICU to give him some oxygen. Before they took him, they put him up to my face so I could see him and give him a kiss -and off he went.

Jamie and our family members all got to go see him throughout the day, but no one has gotten to hold him. I finally was able to get out of bed and get wheeled down to the NICU so I could actually see him around 4:30. I know I am a little biased, but he is absolutely wonderful. His complexion is perfect, he looks just like Karlie when she was born, and he has dark hair under his little cap. He is beautiful!

His breathing seems to be getting better. He isn't struggling so hard to breathe. He is on a C-PAP (?) to help his breathing, and he has a feeding tube down his throat, although he is not being fed any formula yet because they are afraid he will aspirate it due to his breathing difficulties. He has 2 IV's- one in each hand, and an oxygen monitor on his foot. They have drawn blood from his foot several times also. It is absolutely heart wrenching for me to see him lying in that little bed, so uncomfortable, and there is nothing I can do to help him. I can't even pick him up and hold him. Although it did melt my heart when he started crying and when I began to talk to him, he immediately quit crying and turned his head my direction. He definitely knew his momma's voice.

He is not in critical condition. It could be much worse. But I don't thinkI had prepared myself for breathing difficulties. As far as his brain goes, they did an ultrasound on his head today, which confirmed what the fetal MRI had shown- Absence of the Corpus Callosum, a small cyst, and a build-up of fluid. However, no one has mentioned an immediate need for surgery to have a shunt put in. They are going to keep measuring the circumference of his head to see if the fluid continues to increase. They have also done tests on his heart, kidneys, lungs, and some other organs to see if any other organs have abnormalities along with the CC missing. So far our understanding is that everything else looks good, but we won't get official results until sometime in the morning.

We don't know how long he will have to stay in NICU, or in the hospital at all. I should get released on Friday as long as I keep doing as well as I have today. So far I have had very little pain at all. I feel really good, which is an answer to prayers since I had such a hard time after my c-section with Karlie. I'm not so sure about leaving the hospital without my baby...I know lots of people have had to do this, but I can't stand the thought of leaving him here.

Again, thank you for all of your prayers and support. Jamie and I are blessed with such wonderful friends and family. Please continue to pray for Anderson's health and that he will be able to come out of the NICU and be with his mommy!

My head is bobbing with exhaustion so I guess it's time to shut down and try to get some rest. I will continue to post pictures and give updates as they become available.

Andrea

Welcome Anderson

2010-06-01T13:53:00.003-05:00

Anderson Knox Spears made his arrival this morning at 8:38 am. He is a hefty 8 pounds 7 ounces and 20.25 inches long. He is having some difficulties breathing so they took him to the NICU where he will stay until he can breathe better. They have done an ultrasound on his head, and the neurologists are waiting to get the results from that before any decision is made on where to go from here.

Here are a few pics:

Truly Blessed~ More thoughts from Jamie

2010-05-24T20:38:00.001-05:00

Since it takes me a long time to gather my thoughts and put them on paper, I decided that I would post only once about my experiences thus far with this pregnancy. I did so about a month ago. However, I guess I was wrong because it is 11:00 P.M. and I am still excited, thankful, and humbled and wanted to post again!

For those of you who don’t know, Andrea and I are a part of a small group at church that consists of five of the best couples we have ever met. We get together most Sundays to fellowship, have a small devotional, and enjoy sitting around watching our kids play. Last night, as far as Andrea and I knew was just another get together. Much to our surprise it was that and MUCH more!

We arrived at the church and noticed a few additional vehicles in the parking lot but never thought anything about it. Just thought they were there for other meetings. Two of the guys in our small group met us at the door and carried bags of drinks inside. A little strange but it quickly passed. It still did not hit me. As we walked down the hallway the double doors opened, we were welcomed by many members of the Maury Hills Church who had arrived to give Andrea and me a baby shower.
I was humbled. Humbled to the point I immediately began to tear up. For those of you who know me, you know I do not like showing emotion, especially in public while others are around. I could not help it. I did not know what to say or do. To say the least, I was floored.

The night consisted of fellowship, opening gifts, and great food, especially the BBQ prepared by Dave and Phillip Pearce. Thanks to you both for your time and hard work preparing the BBQ and to all the other ladies/gentlemen who assisted in preparing the food! It was GREAT! After dinner, Andrea and I sat on the stage and opened so many wonderful present. WOW! Words cannot express my sincere appreciation for the gifts. Thanks for EVERTYTHING!

A special thanks to the members of our small group. Thank you Parks, Pollards, Pettits, Spitzers, and Cheeks for organizing this VERY special event!! You guys will never know how much tonight meant to me and my family! Your love, gifts, and prayers are indescribable. I feel very blessed to be a part of Maury Hills and a loving small group. May God continue to richly bless you all!

Just a few more thoughts I wanted to share in case I should not to post anymore before Anderson’s arrival.

As soon as we found out about Anderson’s condition, Maury Hills put our family on the prayer list. Many members of this church have spent numerous hours in prayer to our Heavenly Father on our behalf. A prayer group meets together often and specifically asks for healing for our Anderson. We have received and continue to receive letters and cards of encouragement. Thank you!

I anxiously anticipate the arrival of Anderson on June 1st. I look forward to meeting him, seeing his chubby cheeks, and holding him in my arms for the first time. Until that time comes, I will continue to pray for a miracle. Should that request not be answered, I know I serve a big enough God who is capable of making all situations right. I will continue to trust in HIM and know without a shadow of a doubt that HE is in control. I have seen him transform many personal lives, including my very own not many months ago. I will enter this time with faith, not fear- knowing HE is by my side no matter where I go or what situation I find myself in. GOD IS IN CONTROL!

As I close, let me take one more opportunity to tell all of you how much I appreciate, from the bottom of my heart everything that has been said and done on our behalf. Words cannot express the sincere gratitude I feel right now. I want to end with one of my favorite scriptures from Proverbs.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”.

Jamie

A Change of Plans

2010-05-12T17:01:00.003-05:00

********UPDATE 5-13-10***************
We found out today that delivery is set for Tuesday, June 1st at 8:00 am. Thank you for the continued prayers and support. It has been so wonderful to have so many friends and family by our side as we have been on this journey. Thank you doesn't seem like enough.

**********Original Post***************

We went back to Vanderbilt today for our last ultrasound before our delivery. Anderson appears to be weighing in right now at a hefty 6 lbs 7 oz. I am almost 35 weeks, so technically should still have 5 weeks left for him to grow. However, as I stated in my last post, they had us scheduled for a c-section on June 11th...But it looks as if that is going to change based on something they saw today.

Our doctor is very concerned about the amount of fluid on the right side of his brain. They have been monitoring the fluid levels each month, and they have always been within normal range- until now. The amount of fluid has increased significantly since our last visit. There is so much, that they are beginning to worry that the fluid could be putting pressure on Anderson's brain...which would not be a good situation.

Our doctor is going to present the information to her panel of specialists tomorrow, but feels that the decision they will make will be to deliver at 37 weeks rather than waiting until 39. They are going to call me tomorrow to let us know the plan for sure, but were about 98 percent positive that this will be the case.

They also mentioned that once Anderson is born, he will have a scan (ultrasound) of his brain. If the fluid is as bad as they suspect, then he will go to surgery to have a shunt put in. The good news is that Dr. Tulipan would do the surgery and there are people from all over the country who travel to Nashville to have Dr. Tulipan do shunts on their babies because he is supposed to be one of the BEST pediatric neurosurgeons around.

So, a few curve balls appear to have been thrown at us today that we weren't really expecting. We are still in good spirits, our faith is still strong, and we are still hopeful that everything will be okay. We know God is in control, and we ask each of you who read this to please join us in praying. We know God is good- we know He can still heal Anderson and perform a miracle- we also know that even without the miracle, He can give us the strength to make it through this.

After sitting in the waiting room at Vanderbilt and seeing kids who are in pretty bad shape- it puts everything in perspective. We are thankful that things are not worse than what they are...it WILL be okay. Just please pray for our strength and courage, and for the healing of our sweet boy.

Quick update...

2010-05-06T16:07:00.002-05:00

Basically no news is good news...things around here have been pretty calm (at least with Anderson and the pregnancy). I just thought I would do a quick update for those of you who have been checking and wondering what's going on.

I started last week having to be seen twice a week- every Monday I go the hospital for a NST (non-stress test), just checking to make sure the baby's heartrate increases with movement and then returns to normal. This shows that he is getting enough oxygen to his brain. He has passed the test both times within the first 5-10 minutes...So things that way look great. I also go see Dr. Kurtz every Thursday for a BPP (biophysical profile). This test checks to see if the baby is practicing "breathing" the amniotic fluid. This is done by watching the diaphragm via ultrasound- pretty neat actually. They also check the blood flow in the umbilical cord. He has done great both times with that also. Neither of these tests have anything to do with the fact that Anderson is missing part of his brain, they actually have to be done because of my blood clotting disorder. Apparently, the farther along I get in pregnancy, the better of a chance there is for a blood clot to form in the umbilical cord and block him from getting the nutrients and oxygen he needs to survive. So, basically this is all precautionary. So far, so good.

We go back to Vandy next Wednesday (5-12) for a full ultrasound to check his size, check all of his organs, and see if that CC has decided to show itself or not. We are not expecting it to be there, as we have become content with it not being there, but I know that my God is big and He can perform miracles even when we aren't expecting them. This will probably be the last "Big" ultrasound before he is born. We have 5 weeks from tomorrow before he is scheduled to arrive! We can't wait. We just want to hold him and love on him.

Dr. Kurtz did take a quick 3D/4D peek at his face last week, just for the fun of it, and it was so sweet! He has fat rolls around his neck and big chubby cheeks! I am so thankful that he is healthy and is growing...anxious to see if he beats his sisters on size. I'm also hoping that the current increase in weight that I am gaining is actually Anderson gaining weight- not me! Ha!

So nothing new is happening. We feel blessed that things are still going well and that he is growing and healthy. Praise God!

On a side note: Many people in our area in Tennessee have been devastated by the recent flooding. There are people who have lost everything they had, businesses that don't know if or when they can reopen, and lives lost. As many of you know, I work in Hickman County and the devastation there is awful...4 days after the rain has ended, there are still people in HC who have not been rescued. They are in areas that are completely cut off from the rest of the community. We don't know when we will be back to school...complete roads have been washed away, sink holes have closed main roads, and many in the county still don't have electricity or water. Please keep everyone who has been affected by this flood in your thoughts and prayers.

Not a coincidence

2010-04-21T21:04:00.004-05:00

“What a coincidence!” is something I have been known to say a few thousand times throughout my life. However, events that have happened over the past few months during this pregnancy have caused me to change my way of thinking. I no longer believe in “coincidence”. I no longer think people are just lucky or something happened at the right place and right time with no explanation. Nope, that is all in the past.

I have mentioned in previous posts about getting in touch with 2 people who have been able to support me during this time, especially since they both have sons with ACC. I may have even mentioned that one of them lives less than 5 miles from my house…coincidence? No way.

I have also since then been hooked up with a person on Facebook who has a son with ACC, and is helping me get into some networks and get some good information on the subject. Is it a coincidence that we happened to have a mutual friend on Facebook who helped us make the connection? I don’t think so.

But the best happened just today. Let me retell it to you just as it happened…be prepared for some chills. God didn’t just whisper this to me…I think it was more like shouting. (Maybe he didn’t think I caught the first few…he definitely didn’t want me to miss this one!)

I took my class into the cafeteria today, got my lunch, and went to get something to drink. As I was getting my tea, an assistant at our school came up and asked me, “Have you heard about Mrs. M?” (I'm going to keep her name to myself, but all you need to know is that she is a well-known teacher in our school system.) I replied, “No, what about her?”

“Well, just recently she started having some mild seizures. They didn’t know what was causing them so she has had some testing done.” (Honestly, at this point I am thinking "Why is she telling me this?" Not that I wasn’t concerned, I just hadn’t made a connection to why she came rushing to me to tell me this.)

Then she continued… “Well, during the testing, they discovered that she is missing her Corpus Callosum.” (CHILLS yet?)

“You mean, she has never had any symptoms or any problems and she is just now finding out in her 40’s?”

“Exactly. She went through school with no problems, went to college, and is now a teacher, a mother, and a devout Christian. She had no idea that she was missing this piece of her brain, or that anything was missing for that matter.”

I walked out of the cafeteria with chills up and down my spine, thinking “Okay, God. I heard you loud and clear- everything is going to be just fine.”

So, I now know 4 people who are affected with this RARE disorder- and 2 of the 4 either live or work close to me. Coincidence? I don’t think so…

Thank you Lord for placing people in my life to remind me every day that YOU are in control and that YOU will take care of everything.

Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;”

The date is set!!

2010-04-15T18:14:00.004-05:00

We went back to Vanderbilt yesterday to meet with Dr. Bennett, the maternal fetal specialist, as well as Dr. Tulipan, the pediatric neurosurgeon. For once, we actually left the visit with a big smile on our face and feeling more confident than ever. No miracles have happened, the CC is still not there, but we were still given a good report.

The ultrasound showed no new concerns or problems. Other than showing how much Anderson has grown in a month, everything developmentally looked just like it had at our last visit- The doctors and sonographers seemed puzzled however because it appears that the cavum septum is present- which usually isn't the case when the CC is missing. You either get both or none, from what I understand. But the CC is still unable to be seen on ultrasound or in any of the MRI films (which we got to see yesterday and are AMAZING!)

So, we still know that if God wants that piece of Anderson's brain to be there- it will show up, even though the doctors say it won't. We still believe that God works miracles, but at this time we're okay if we don't get that miracle. After talking to the nerologist, our hope for Anderson's future seemed to be affirmed. My first question for the neuro was "What should be expect when he is born? Will there be lots of doctor's visits, tests, blood work, etc?" His reply was simply this..."I would like to get an MRI of him sometime in the first 3 months or so after he is born, but other than that, you will take him home and love him and treat him like you would any other baby. No special circumstances. You will watch him and if something arises, then we will go from there, but until that happens you just enjoy your new baby like you did with your other 2." I did ask him about Early Intervention, and he said "It won't hurt anything, so if you want to do that, go for it." But his tone indicated that it was not absolutely necessary.

This was very refreshing to hear. I had wondered if we would have lots of doctor's appointments, therapy, etc...that would begin like a whirlwind as soon as he is born. The fact that things will be low key like any other normal pregnancy/delivery is wonderful! Knowing that we can come home from the hospital, rest, rock, and relax is like a dream come true.

We have a little less than 2 months before he makes his arrival because we have already been scheduled for a C-Section on Friday, June 11th. So for those of you who have been praying with us, please continue to pray that things will stay like they are for the next 2 months and that no unforeseen problems should arise. If you still want to pray for the miracle, that's good too! :) I know it is my will that everything miraculously be healed and fine, but when I pray I make sure to tell God that I want HIS will to be done- HE is the one who knows what is best, HE is the one that knows what the future holds, and HE is the one who knows the master plan for Anderson. I don't want my selfish desires to get in the way of HIS plans.

Already blessed

2010-03-26T21:24:00.005-05:00

Someone sent me this video and I just had to share it with the rest of you who have been beside us on this journey. With still 12 weeks to go, I feel Anderson has already blessed our family so much...and we haven't even heard him cry. Hope you enjoy!

Second Best sounds pretty good!

2010-03-22T18:04:00.004-05:00

We finally got our news today (at 3:30pm) and got a diagnosis. We are very happy with the news...just as we had prepared ourselves for, the corpus callosum is not there- at all. We know that the best news ever would be for everything to have shown up on the MRI that should be there and be told the ultrasounds were wrong. BUT...the second best news is that everything else looks good and appears to be functioning properly- only the corpus callosum is missing.

This is good news, though. The exact diagnosis for all of you medical folks is: isolated agenesis of the corpus callosum. We have been told that Anderson will have mild symptoms, if any. We have also been told that he will surprise us...things that we think he will struggle with he may have no difficulty with at all.

Jamie and I feel like a load has been lifted off our shoulders because now we KNOW. There is no more guessing of whether it's there or not there...no more wondering if there are other things involved or just this. Let me tell you, knowledge is freedom.

I feel like I can now move on and begin preparing for a new baby, just as any expecting mother does. I can enjoy the final 13 weeks (or less) of the pregnancy, without worry. You see, there isn't a lot that can be done now, until he is born. Now that we have the diagnosis, we know a little more of what to expect. We know that we will continue being seen by my regular OB as well as the specialists at Vanderbilt. We know that we will see a pediatric neurologist at our next visit to Vandy to get more information about what to expect when he is born. We know that we will deliver at Vanderbilt and that many pediatric specialists will be available, IF they are needed. We know that once he is born, he will be able to receive therapy from Early Intervention soon after birth to help him meet those milestones. We know that pretty much the rest is up to him...it will be gauged on how well he does.

We know that no matter what, he will be loved and adored by many friends and family. He will be the light in his big sisters' lives, and a blessing to anyone who is around him. We know that with all of the support and love he will have in his life, he is capable of ANYTHING...I can't wait to see what all he is able to accomplish!

Thank you again for your prayers. This diagnosis truly is an answer to prayers...you see, it could have been much, much worse. We are so thankful for this diagnosis. We are relieved and excited about what the future holds for our family. God does answer prayers, and we are humbled by the number of prayers that have gone up daily on behalf of our family and sweet baby.

Not neglected...

2010-03-20T09:02:00.002-05:00

So I realized that in keeping everyone posted about Anderson, I haven't posted anything at all about the girls in awhile. I didn't want you to think that they are being totally neglected or put on the back burner (not that any of you would think that). So I thought I'd do a quick post to let you know what they've been up to.

They are absolutely loving life in a subdivision. They have made friends with the kids next door and spent many hours yesterday playing outside with them. This is a big deal, especially for Kinsley, because at the old house they would not play outside unless Jamie or I were right there with them. Yesterday I finally made them come in the house when the street lights started coming on.

Their other new friend is the "Ice Cream Man"... They can hear that music from miles away and will stand on the porch with thier dollars waiting on him. They think he's the coolest thing ever!

Since we live on the end of a cul-de-sac, they are allowed to ride their bikes on the street around the circle while Jamie or I am outside watching them. Kinsley was so excited about having pavement to ride her bike on that I think she rode at least 10 miles on that little bike yesterday. It sure beats having to ride in circles in the garage because we had a gravel driveway! She's hoping to practice without her training wheels soon...that should be a fun adventure.

Karlie loves riding her bike, too. She is getting better at peddling up small hills everyday. She is so funny. She has such a determination about her. She gets really frustrated, but is determined she is going to do it without help.

They are getting really excited about their baby brother and are beginning to ask more frequently how much longer until he gets here. Karlie announced at lunch the other day that "Momma has a BIG belly!" Kinsley gave her a death look and replied, "Karlie, don't say that when Momma is listening! You'll hurt her feelings." It was quite comical...as if I don't realize I have a big belly!

We are looking forward to more days with beautiful weather like we had yesterday. Planning on spending a lot of time outside playing and enjoying the subdivision life.

Jamie and I have tried very hard to protect them from knowing anything could be wrong with the baby. Of course Kinsley was with us at the 20 week ultrasound, but she has never mentioned anything else about it. We haven't talked about it with them. So, other than praying each night for their baby to be healthy, they don't have any reason to think they need to worry. That's the way I would like for it to be until there is a for sure reason that they need to know otherwise.

Have a great day! Thanks for all of the continued prayers. The MRI results did not get put in the computer yesterday for the doctor to give us the results, so we are patiently waiting until Monday to find out some definite answers. Keep praying!

The Good, The Bad, and The Undecided

2010-03-18T20:21:00.006-05:00

It has been an exhausting day both physically and emotionally. Thank you for all the prayers throughout the day today. Please continue to pray. We don't know a lot yet. We have to wait until tomorrow afternoon or Monday for the MRI results, but for now, here's what we know...

The Good:

Anderson is not lacking in growth or nutrition at all! He is following in his sisters' footsteps of being at the top of the growth chart. They are already estimating his weight at 2lb 5 oz....and we still have 3 months to go!

The ultrasound technician thought she could see the cavum septum pellucidum today during the ultrasound. We don't know exactly what this means, but have been told that is supposed to be good news (they could not find it 3 weeks ago).

He was laying in a much better position today for them to get pictures...he is still breech, but not laying facing my back.

The MRI technicians were very pleased with the quality of pictures they were able to get. So, once a radiologist and a neurologist read the films, we should finally get some answers, or at least a solid diagnosis.

The Bad:

During the ultrasound, the sonographer felt like she could see a cyst on his brain. The doctor wouldn't say much about it, she just said to wait and see what the MRI shows.

There was a question about the amount of fluid on the right side of his brain. There wasn't enough for it to be a big concern right now, but they would have to keep an eye on it.

The sonographer also said something to the doctor about "it" being asymmetrical...Jamie and I haven't figured out exactly what is asymmetrical, but we do know that everything in the brain should be symmetrical, so we are hoping the MRI will shed more light on this.

They did tell me today that I will have to deliver at Vanderbilt rather than MRMC. I know that will be a good place for us to be, but I love my OB doctor and was hoping he could deliver this baby also.

The MRI was just as bad as I thought it would be...I hope I don't have to have anymore of those!

The Undecided:

At this point, we really don't know if today was good or bad...when we left the 11:30 ultrasound I was devastated. I felt like more bad things had been revealed to us than any other ultrasound...but the doctor wouldn't say much until she gets the report from the MRI, so I don't know whether to be worried, or if everything is going to be okay. By the time we left the 5:00 MRI, I just felt lost. I felt like I was walking away from an exhausting day with no more information than I had this morning when I walked in.

Anyway, thank you so much for your continued prayers. Please don't stop praying. We are hoping for good news when we get the results from the MRI. We do still know that God is in control and he will take care of everything, but I did have some weak moments today where I allowed Satan to try to convince me that things were NOT going to be okay. The good thing is that when I am weak, Jamie is stronger than ever, and vice versa. He is wonderful to me...after the ultrasound he just kept reminding me that everything will be okay, and that we will get through this TOGETHER, no matter what.

We are both completely exhausted. I only got about 30 minutes of sleep last night. I was so anxious for today and what we would find out, that I just watched the clock tick all night long. I am hoping for a good night's rest tonight. I will post as soon as we get some results- which will hopefully be tomorrow if I can harass enough people at Vanderbilt! :)

For tonight, I will leave you with some of the words of one of my favorite songs that went through my head several times today:

I was sure by now,
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining.

As the thunder rolls,
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you."
And as your mercy falls,
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away

I'll praise you in this storm
I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried,
You hold in your hand,
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.

~Casting Crowns "Praise You in this Storm"

Jamie's View

2010-03-17T14:13:00.014-05:00

I am so excited! Jamie decided he would join me in doing some posts for the blog. The following is his perspective on the pregnancy, the initial ultrasound, and what the future holds.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me first say "Thank you" to everyone who has offered up prayers on our behalf and said many kind, thoughtful, and encouraging words during the last few months. I cannot tell you how much both have meant to our family. It is truly a blessing to have such wonderful friends!

It was the day we had all looked forward to. One that seemed like it would never arrive. It was the day we would finally find out the sex of our third child. We were all so excited. Kinsley even got to skip school to go with us to find out the big surprise.

After having two healthy, beautiful, adorable girls, it was my wish, as it is for most fathers, to have a boy. A son I could call my own. One who would hopefully want to be and do everything his father was and did.

After arriving, we were placed in an ultrasound room with the sonographer. She was polite, profressional, and explained the entire process. Everything was going exactly how I had envisioned. This was great!

You could tell that she had a process by which she examined every fetus. A process which would not reveal the sex of the baby at first. This was one of the main reasons I came to the ultrasound. I wanted to know what we were having. I had been through two of these before. Just tell me whether I am having a boy or a girl!

Shortly into the examination, we began hearing words like beautiful, amazing, perfect, etc...These are the words every parent dreams of hearing. Words that convey that everything was in place and working. I was on top of the world.

She then revealed that we were having a BOY! My eyes filled with tears. I was overcome with joy. My wish had come true!

Soon after this announcement, her tone of voice changed. You could see it in her eyes. She became serious, reserved, and focused, as if something was wrong. We were told this is the last thing she looks for. She continued to look. By this time, I was scared. I mean, really scared. I was sick. My stomach was in my throat. What could be wrong? Don't tell me this one thing that I had longed for wasn't perfect. Don't tell me that he won't be able to walk, talk, or do anything for himself.

Until this time, everything seemed okay. All necessary parts were in place and working. I thought we were having a beautiful and perfect baby. It was then that we were placed in a room to wait and talk to the doctor. We waited for over an hour waiting to talk with the doctor. This seemed like an eternity!

When the doctor arrived, she discussed the problem. She gave us a brief description of the CC and it's role in the brain, as well as any effects that Anderson may experience if it did not develop by the next ultrasound.

As you are aware from Andrea's previous posts, the CC is still not there. All other factors seem to be in place, normal size, and functioning. For this I am thankful.

I have come to realize that Anderson may not be perfect in the way I USED to think of as perfect. He will be his own person and I am convinced he will teach me many special things about life I have never thought about. He will be loved and spoiled. Most of all, I will be thankful to God for giving me a son of my very own!

Thank you again for the phone calls, kind words, and prayers. I humbly ask for your continued prayers in the upcoming months as we prepare for the arrival of Anderson. May God richly bless you and your family.

Welcome to Holland

2010-03-15T23:06:00.006-05:00

As Jamie and I prepare ourselves for our doctor's visit this Thursday, we feel blessed beyond measure. The number of people who are praying for our sweet Anderson is overwhelming. God has also placed two other new people in our lives this past week who have been a blessing to us. It can't be a coincidence that I have met, and gotten to talk to, two other mothers of children with ACC (Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum)- one right here in my hometown, and another several hundred miles away in Arizona. What a blessing!

Tonight, I know that Thursday's appointments will be stressful, I know that I am scared out of my mind to have the MRI, and I am nervous of exactly what we will find out. But, God is still giving me a sense of peace. I feel that I am prepared to handle the news that the CC is not there at all, even on the MRI. Especially after talking to one of my new friends on the phone, I know that this news will not be the end of the world. Will it be different than what we planned? Yes, but that doesn't mean it's bad... I am also prepared to have a huge celebration if we were to happen to find out that the CC is there and everything looks wonderful. Although I have not allowed myself to get my hopes up this time. I am prepared for either outcome.

One of the things that I discussed with one of my new friends who knows what I'm going through because she has "been there, done that", was the fact that people who have never been through something like this don't understand, they don't know what to say, so often times, they don't say anything. It's funny to watch people's reactions when they come up to me and ask how I am feeling/doing. When I reply..."I am great! I couldn't be better! I have no complaints." they look at me like I'm crazy. But, I am okay. I feel great. And I know and trust that God is in control. He has given me a peace like I never thought I would have with something like this.

But I wanted to share a poem with you. This poem was written by a mother of a special needs child, who puts into words what it is like to have a special needs child...She does a very beautiful job of putting into words what it's like from the moment you are pregnant and find out your child has something wrong.

While I haven't experienced all of the areas of the poem because I am still in the planning stages of my "trip", this poem gives me hope. It gives me a new perspective of looking at life. It's a little long, but it is WONDERFUL so please read the entire thing. Maybe you, too, will be blessed by her words.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to Holland
By: Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability-to try to help people who have not shared the unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.

It's like this: When you are going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans: the Coliseum, Michaelangelo's "David", the gondolas in Venice...You may learn some handy phrases in Itailian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the big day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands.

The flight attendant comes and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. All my life I have dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plans. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. You must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there awhile and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they are all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that is where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you, Lord for allowing me my trips to Italy twice already. Please help me to plan for a wonderful trip to Holland this time, if that is your will.

Latest News...

2010-03-04T22:27:00.002-06:00

The past month has FLOWN by so quickly! It seems like just a week or so ago since I last updated the blog, but now I realize that it has been exactly a month. What a busy month it has been!

We did sell our house and have moved into our new home. We still have a few things that we have NO idea where they are, but overall things are unpacked and we are loving our new space. Due to the move, we have been without internet service for well over a week. I haven't been able to post to the blog or check many facebook statuses, besides the few minutes of wireless we "borrow" from a neighbor. (hey, if you don't put a password on your wireless, then you are technically allowing me to borrow! Oops!) I figured there were some of you who had been checking the blog for an update on the baby since our visit to Vanderbilt on the 24th of February.

The 24th was the day that we (along with many of you) had been praying for a miracle. We didn't get our miracle that day, but we did get some encouraging news. The corpus callosum was still not visible via ultrasound. This was hard for me to hear, because I had convinced myself that it WOULD be there this time. However, after getting over the initial disappointment, I allowed myself to hear the positive news among all of it.

At this time, everything else in the baby's brain (or body for that matter) appear normal: normal size, normal shape, normal placement, etc. The only problem is the missing corpus callosum. This news is good because it pushes us toward the less severe end of the symptoms spectrum. In fact, the doctors at Vandy told us there are adults walking around today missing this piece of their brain and they don't even know it- sometimes adults go for a CT scan for some other reason and discover during the test that they are missing this piece of their brain...weird, huh?

We are scheduled to have a fetal MRI on March 18th. The MRI should show the area of the brain in much more detail than the ultrasound is able to do. We will receive a diagnosis after the results of the MRI are shared with our specialist. They did explain to us that there will still be many questions that they cannot answer, even after giving the diagnosis.

As I mentioned earlier, I was very disappointed at first during our last appointment. However, I have since realized that it's okay. This time I am preparing myself for the MRI to also confirm that this area of the brain is still missing. I am preparing myself for a diagnosis, as well as any challenges we may face with this sweet baby boy. This does NOT mean that I don't still pray every day for a miracle. It does NOT mean that I have given up on God or think that he isn't going to do anything about it. In fact, quite the opposite. I believe all things happen for a reason. I know that God has the power to heal this baby, but if he chooses not to do a complete healing, there is a purpose. Either he has big plans for this child, our family, or some other way that this situation will be used for his glory. I don't know the reason, but I do know that God is in control and he will take care of us- NO MATTER WHAT.

Can I admit something? There are days that I really feel guilty about asking people to pray for the baby. Sound crazy? I know. But instead of asking myself "Why me? Why my baby?" I've started asking "Why not me?" Do I think I am too good to have a child with special needs? So, thank you for your prayers...but sometimes I feel guilt about asking for them. I know prayer is a very powerful thing, but this guilt is something I am currently struggling with.

We don't know what the future holds for this child, but right now the doctors are leading us in a more positive direction. This good news must be answers to prayers going up on behalf of this baby and our family. Praise God! We do believe in the power of prayer, but I am also realistic and understand that things don't have to be PERFECT to be OKAY. And I think I can live with that.

By the way, this sweet baby does finally have a name:

Anderson Knox Spears

Where we are...

2010-02-03T11:17:00.003-06:00

For those of you who keep checking in on the blog to see what's going on, I thought I'd post a quick little update.

1st- My regular OB/GYN thought a 2nd opinion was a good idea, so he has scheduled me an appointment with a Maternal Fetal Doctor at Vanderbilt. Of course the earliest they can see us is Feb. 24th. We will see the doctor AND have another ultrasound done that day.

2nd- Jamie and I have spent lots of time researching all there is to know about a missing corpus callosum and the disorders that can go along with it. Our research has been really beneficially to us because we now have a list of questions to ask at the next ultrasound. We feel we know what information to find out to give us a better idea of what to expect. That was the entire purpose for our research.

3rd- Since there really isn't anything that we can DO, or any more answers that we can get until we have another ultrasound, we have decided to stay off the internet in regards to this, and just spend our time praying for a miracle on the 24th.

I am not going to pretend that I haven't had my moments of fear and doubt...I have. But at the moment, I am at peace with all of this. I know that between now and the 24th, I have to hand all of this over to God...I cannot ignore my girls, just so I can spend all day worrying and searching for more information. I have to get on with my daily life. So, other than constant prayer for healing...I am moving on. I ask any of you who read this blog to also pray that when we go to Vanderbilt on the 24th of February, that everything will be just as it should be.

Another update...we have FINALLY sold our house. We are going to buy the house my parents lived in while I was in college. We are supposed to close on both houses Feb. 18th. So, I really need to get busy packing. I think February is going to be a busy month!

Thank you for your prayers and words of encouragement. I have received many emails, facebook comments, and comments on here that are very very encouraging. Thank you! You have no idea how much all of those comments mean to us.

Frustrated

2010-01-30T13:02:00.002-06:00

When it comes to medical diagnoses, have you ever felt like you've been lied to? Maybe lied isn't the right word....misled may be a more accurate description. This is exactly how I feel today.

Many friends and family had told me not to go online and look up information on the absence of the corpus callosum (aka. Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum). They said it would just make me scared and worry more. However, I want you to show me one mother out there, who wouldn't want to be educated and feel prepared for any birth defect that her child might have. I feel like with the more information I can have regarding this defect, then I will know what questions to ask and what to expect throughout the remainder of the pregnancy. The way I see it, I can either hide from the information that is out there and live in the wonderful world of the unknown, or I can educate myself completely on this and be prepared with all of the necessary tools/doctors/therapies that are available.

So, today I decided to take a look online. I found case studies, medical journals, medical research, support sites, etc. The more I found, the angrier I became. As I look back, I feel that the doctor who gave us the diagnosis and explained it to us, gave us a very watered-dow version. And when I asked the specific question of how this would affect the baby mentally, I was given the answer "not at all." From what I have read today, this is a complete distruth.

Don't get me wrong...my faith in the outcome of this baby has not changed. I still have complete faith that God is in control. But, I don't think God expects us to sit back, doing nothing. Even though he is in control of the situation, I still feel I have responsibilities as well. Just because you are pregnant and know God will take care of the baby, doesn't mean you don't still have to take prenatal vitamins and take care of yourself, right? So I feel that it is my responsibility to know as much as I can and get the right treatment both prenatally, and postnatally.

So, after my readings today, I am frustrated. I want to know why the other tests that are available to help diagnose this problem haven't been ordered. I want to know why the doctor didn't give us a realistic view of what life for this baby could be like. If the affects from this defect have a large spectrum of symptoms, I want to know whether other areas of the brain have already been affected or not....I have so many questions.

Jamie and I so much appreciate all of the wonderful support we have been receiving from friends and family. Prayers are still very much appreciated because miracles DO happen. Please bear with me as I struggle between being "okay and accepting" of the diagnosis to being "frustrated and confused."

For now, I will continue praying and trusting in the Lord to know and be in charge of what is going to come, with the baby, with our family, with our future.

Taking things for granted

2010-01-28T20:06:00.003-06:00

During every pregnancy, an ultrasound is done around 20 weeks. To most parents, this ultrasound is the time when you find out if it's a boy or girl. To the doctors and ultrasound technicians, this visit is much more than simply to determine the sex of the baby. The are checking for many things...a heart with all four valves working properly, kidneys with fluid in them, a bladder, a stomach, all of the bones in the arms and legs, the nasal bone, and believe it or not, they even check for all 3 bones to be present in the pinky finger. There are many other detailed things that they check for, including something I've never heard of until today...the Corpus Callosum.

We had our ultrasound today. For the first 45 minutes of the ultrasound, everything was wonderful. We were truly floating on cloud 9. We found out we are having a boy- Jamie nearly leapt out of his chair he was so excited. The sweet lady who did our ultrasound kept commenting on how wonderful everything looked. "Oh, what a sweet baby." "Would you look at that heart? That looks absolutely wonderful." She went back and forth between talking to us and actually talking to the baby as she performed the ultrasound. She explained everything to us as she looked. She commented what wonderful pictures she was able to get and how she could sit and ultrasound me all day because it was so easy to get a good picture. After getting several good profile shots and oohing and ahhing over how precious the baby was, she told us she had one more thing to check and then she would be finished.

The next area that she began to check was the baby's head. I knew she was checking out the brain, but had no idea what all she was looking for. However, Jamie and I both realized very quickly that what she saw (or didn't see) wasn't what she was hoping for. Her demeanor quickly changed from love and excitement to seriousness and concern.

She did manage to smile as she told us she was "having trouble finding something" and would like to get another ultrasound tech to come in and take a look if we don't mind. She comes back a few minutes later and the other lady went straight to work. She, too, couldn't find whatever it was they were looking for, and tells the other tech to show the pictures to the doctor and let her come in and look to see if she can find it. They both leave the room.

"What are they looking for?" Jamie and I ask each other this question almost at the same time.

This time when the ultrasound tech comes in, she tells us that the doctor looked at the pictures and she doesn't need to come in and look for herself- it's not there.

I ask her "What exactly is it that you are looking for?" It was at this moment that we were introduced to the term corpus callosum. She explained to us that this is a part of the brain that allows the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere to communicate with each other. We both sat there with blank stares as she said. "As far as how this will affect the baby, I can't tell you because I am not a doctor. We are going to put you in a room and the doctor will come explain more to you about it."

So then we were placed in a small holding room for an hour waiting on the doctor and fearing the worst.

Jamie, Kinsley, and I all sat in that room crying and praying and just hoping that this would not be as bad as it sounded. While we were waiting, we contacted some of our closest family and friends and asked them to start praying. And what wonderful friends and family we have because they immediately began praying!! That is so powerful!

When the doctor finally came in to talk to us, she gave us more information about what to expect and eased our fears- some of the prayers had already been answered- it WASN"T as bad as what it sounded like or what we were imagining during that hour wait. Here are the basic facts:
- the corpus callosum does, in fact, allow the left and right side of the brain to communicate
- missing this area of the brain does not put the baby at risk of dying
- mentally, the baby should not be affected by this
- the two main side effects that have been linked to missing this area are seizures and coordination problems.
- some people never experience any symptoms
- there is still some hope that this area could develop between now and June.

I haven't allowed myself to get on the internet and look this up. For now I am content knowing that overall the baby is healthy, that it doesn't have a life-threatening disorder, and that I can trust God and know he is in control.

I am going to do my best to enjoy the remainder of the pregnancy, continue praying for the health and well-being of myself and the baby, and look forward to having a precious little boy to sit and rock this summer.

Thank you for all of the prayers that were sent up on our behalf today. Please don't stop praying. Our family truly believes in the power of prayer and we know that God can heal the baby if that is his will. We also know that if the baby is born without complete healing, God will give us the strength and courage to deal with any symptoms or problems that arise.

Two Firsts....

2010-01-07T19:38:00.005-06:00

It wasn't much....

In fact it was less than 1/2 inch.....

But it didn't matter...any snow around here causes lots of excitement! This is our first snow of 2010.

Another first

Remember how Jamie has taken up the new pasttime of hunting? Well, he scored his first deer the other day. Here is the proof:

Looking Back on 2009

2009-12-29T20:45:00.005-06:00

2009...How will it be remembered? What will our family remember most? Will it be the first African American President? The tough economy where many lost their jobs? The death and sickness of some close acquaintances? New friends? Challenges that nearly tore our family apart?

What is it that we will remember about 2009 when we look backwards in a few years? It's really hard to pick just one thing...this past year has been one of sadness, happiness, stress, relaxation, challenges, successess, unknowns, and new discoveries- all in one.

It has definitely been a long journey through 2009. To be completely honest, the past year began with some events that put our family at rock bottom...some events that challenged us as a family to take a good close look at what was important to us in life. Going through these challenges was not fun or enjoyable...but I have to say that after surviving and coming out on the other side, I could not be more thankful to have gone through it. Coming out of those events, our family is stronger, our marriage is closer, we are more content with the things we have, and are definitely a more spiritual family who believes in the power of God. We have seen him answer prayers; we have felt his forgiveness and mercy; and we have felt him carry us through times when we knew we couldn't make it on our own.

As we overcame those obstacles, many new and exciting things began happening to our family including a new job for me, and a job transfer for Jamie which put him closer to home. Both of these were blessings for our family.

We have experienced some wonderful family vacations...one in July with my family, and another in October with just the four of us. That time spent together is something so special to us. It doesn't matter where we are or what we're doing, just being together and enjoying the girls as they grow so quickly, is worth every penny spent on vacation.

We learned in October that we will be welcoming a new member to our family in June...the girls are so excited about having a new brother or sister. We will find out in January so stay tuned to find out... This has brought some other changes, including the fact we now need a bigger house, as we have outgrown our current one. It is on the market, but the economy is not helping it sell. We will have to purchase a new vehicle soon, as a car seat does not fit between Kinsley and Karlie in the backseat of our current vehicle. Oh well...it will all be worth it when we bring home our precious new addition to the family.

As far as our extended families go, we have had some moments this past year that have caused us to pull even closer to these extended families and to be thankful for having them in our lives. These relationships are very important to us, and we are truly thankful that our girls have so many people who love and care about them...what more can you ask for?

Don't get me wrong, things are not always rosey and wonderful in our lives...if I had to sum up 2009 I could do it with this quote,

"It began with us being thrown some big lemons, and it ended with us sitting back sipping on some wonderful lemonade looking toward 2010 and wondering what will come...whatever it may be."

Happy New Year to all of you. I hope 2010 will bring blessings and hope to you and your families.

Shhh...It's a secret

2009-12-10T21:22:00.002-06:00

I love the honesty of 3 year olds.

Tonight as I was blow drying Karlie's hair before she went to bed, she kept turning and looking at me like she wanted to tell me something. I just thought she wouldn't tell me because she thought I wouldn't be able to hear her over the blow dryer, so I leaned really close to her and asked "What did you want to tell me?"

"I didn't say nuffin." she said...then she keeps looking at me with that look of "I really want to tell you something."

So I said to her again, "What is it? What did you want to tell me?"

Her reply, "I'm not going to tell you. Daddy helped me write my name in your birthday card, but daddy said I am not supposed to tell you about the card. So I can't tell you."

I just smiled, chuckled under my breath, and told her "If daddy said not to tell then make sure you don't tell."

She seemed content with that. She smiled, nodded her head, and said, "Okay, I won't tell."

Thankful...

2009-12-07T21:29:00.003-06:00

Have you ever let little things get you completely stressed out? You know, things that don't amount to a hill of beans...yet affect us like it's the end of the world? Do you really take time at Thanksgiving to STOP and be thankful for all of your blessings, your family, your health, etc...or are you too busy worrying about getting all the food cooked and on a nicely decorated table, too busy checking the sale ads for Black Friday, or being totally consumed by football, that you completely overlook the fact that the purpose of the holiday is to stop and be thankful for your bountiful blessings? (You realize that by saying "you" I am really meaning "me".)

Well, tonight I had a moment that hit me square in the face. It hit me hard. And it made me realize that I take everything I have for granted. I am not near as thankful as I should be, and I treat little petty things like major events. Guess I needed a reality check and that is exactly what I got.

You see, a family at our church is pleading for prayers for their sister. She is in ICU and very ill. She isn't much older than me, and she has young children at home like me. I have been praying several times a day for her, as well as checking her caringbridge site for updates at least 5-6 times a day. It has been devastating to this familiy, but their faith is strong and many people are crying out to God on her behalf. How thankful I should be every day for my health and the health of my family! However, I don't. I don't stop near enough and truly thank God for these blessings.

Tonight on the caringbridge update, the family asked us to continue to pray for their family member, but to also pray for a 3 year old little girl with cancer. At the end of the post they put a link to the young girl's caringbridge site.

As I sat and read the updates, looked at the pictures of the beautiful child, and read the comments that people are leaving for the family, I felt completely guilty. I sat and cried my eyes out. Why this little girl? I have a 3 year old, also. Why do I think that I am so special nothing like this will happen to my family? How thankful I should be that my children have lived very healthy lives so far! Why do I think my family is invincible to bad things? Well, the realization is that we aren't. We haven't been lucky, either. God has blessed us thus far with the gift of health. I should be rejoicing daily and thanking Him profusely. But do I? Of course not.

Let's face it. I needed a wake-up call. And tonight...I got one. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I cannot get the little girl off my mind. And the sad thing is that she isn't the only small child going through something like this. There are children all over who are battling diseases and sicknesses. It's not rare. And my family is not invincible. Thank you Lord for reminding me how blessed I am and how thankful I should be.

Catching Up...

2009-12-04T22:37:00.003-06:00

Haven't done my part on keeping the blog current. My apologies to those few of you left who check it for new posts quite often (Grandpa). Lots has happened since the last real post about everyone starting a new school year.

Let's start with Kinsley. She LOVES school. She has blossomed more than I ever thought possible. In fact, there have been no tears at all at school (except for a few times in the gym for PE...but that has been worked out.) After knowing how shy and timid she is, her teacher was even afraid that she would be one who cried for the first month of Kindergarten....not so. She went in the first day with a big smile on her face and has loved it ever since. She even enjoys riding the bus from her school to mine in the afternoon, and if we are early in the mornings, she likes to ride the bus (however that hasn't happened too much : ) )She is already learning to read, which is amazing to me. The thing that I feared worst about Kindergarten is happening...my baby is growing up and maturing before my very own eyes. I am so proud of her. She has really come out of her shell...she still has a ways to go, but the progress is huge!

Karlie Ryan goes to Dayschool two days a week and thinks it's great! The other days she is still at Mrs. Carla's and Bobo's. She gets spoiled rotten there, and I love it. They are more like a third set of grandparents to the girls rather than a babysitter...something that is not easy to find. We are thankful for them. She is growing up very quickly, too. She sailed right through the terrible twos without them actually being so terrible. However, I am not yet convinced that threes are going to be quite as easy. She is incredibly independent, and very smart. She amazes me everyday with things that she says or does.

Both girls are excited about Christmas- as long as Santa doesn't come in the house. And if he HAS to come in the house to leave the presents, then he BETTER NOT wake us up. They are not big fans of Santa...when we saw him at the mall (from the 2nd floor) Karlie screamed "GETME OUT OF HERE! I WANT TO GO HOME!" for the next 20 minutes. It was quite funny.

Jamie has taken up a new hobby- hunting. Whew, who knew it required so much gear and money to go sit in a field and shoot an animal. Oh wait...we haven't shot one yet. Haven't even seen very many. I don't get it. But he loves it. So I am trying to be supportive even though I really don't understand this new hobby. I just ask him not to "shoot his eye out" every time before he goes. Ah, he also has made a bet with a few guys at work about not being allowed to cut their hair until April....I never thought he would make it this long because it always bothered him if it wasn't buzzed....but when money is involved I guess he can do it. So if you see him and he looks kind of shaggy...it's all in the name of $40.

I absolutely love my new job this year. Fourth grade is awesome. It has been a really good year. I enjoy the time that the girls and I get to spend together in the car on the way to school in the mornings. Quality time that I try not to take for granted. Our lives have been so busy since school started (isn't everyones?) . When we aren't gone or busy doing something, I am trying to rest as I have been exhausted lately...this is due to the fact that we are expecting again. Our third child is due this summer and I have had more sickness and exhaustion with this pregnancy than either of the girls'. Could that mean a boy? We don't know yet but I will be sure to keep you posted. We have had lots of ultrasounds so far with this baby because this pregnancy is being considered high risk. Apparently I have a genetic disorder that makes me prone to blood clots...so at anytime a blood clot could form and block the baby from getting the nutrients it needs to grow and survive. I am thankful to have made it to the 12 week mark, but I also have been told that with my condition, this pregnancy will not be out of the "danger zone" until the baby is born. So, please pray for a healthy pregnancy that results in a healthy baby.

I know this is long...sorry. Just lots to say to catch up from the past 3 months....

Our house is still on the market. We are getting very antsy about selling it because we have finally found another house. The house that my parents lived in while I was in college is for sale and we have a contract on it contigent upon the sale of our house. This all took place this week, so now we are more ready to sell than ever before. We need the right person to come look at our house...So if you know anyone looking in this area....send them our way!

I know I say this everytime, but I WILL do better about keeping up. I will try to update the pregnancy, house situation, Jamie's hair, etc....Ha Ha!

For now, I think this is WAAAAAAY too long, and wonder if anyone made it through the entire post before falling asleep from boredom?

Candy canes and Christmas

2009-11-21T19:40:00.002-06:00

So, I need to update...but that will have to wait for a day that I have some more time and feel inspired. Tonight I just want to share this story...

As the holiday season approaches, Jamie and I begin to prod the girls about things they really would like to have, as opposed to the "I want that!" for every commercial that comes on TV. So tonight we asked them, "What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

Kinsley already had 1 item in mind- an inexpensive digital camera for kids. (hmmm...that sounds possible.)

Karlie immediately responds "A candy cane- just one candy cane."

"A candy cane? Don't you want some toys or something to go with all your Barbies?"

"Nope. Just one candy cane is all I want."

Wow, was all I could think.

How wonderful to be so content with the things you already have. Maybe I could learn a few lessons from her.

A new friend

2009-08-19T20:59:00.002-05:00

Kinsley came home from school the other day and we had the following conversation...

K- I met a new girl in my class today.

Me- really? What's her name?

K- I don't know, but we played together on the playground and I sat by her at lunch.

Me- That's great, Kinsley. Is she nice?

K- Yeah, but she had to pull her card today.

Me- really? already? what did she do?

K- She called me a dootie head.

Me- (trying not to laugh) Oh....did you tattle on her to the teacher?

K- No I didn't tattle on her.

Me- Then who told on her?

K- I did.

Maybe I have given the whole "don't be a tattle-tale" sermon too many times.

A Week of Firsts...

2009-08-17T18:42:00.007-05:00

When it rains, it pours...right? Well this past week all of our firsts came on the same day...

Karlie went to Dayschool for her first day on Wednesday.

Kinsley went to her first day of Kindergarten on Wednesday.

And I started the first full day in my new position with students-you guessed it- on Wednesday.

My morning routine typically consists of getting myself ready, dragging the girls out of bed in their PJs, and taking them to the sitter on the way to work. So, having to get everyone dressed, hair fixed, teeth brushed, and fed....well, that seemed nearly impossible. Especially considering that both of the girls became pros at "sleeping in" this summer.

We did it. I don't know how, but we did. And we even had enough time before we had to leave to take pictures.

Karlie enjoyed Dayschool...she doesn't talk much about it, but gets excited when she gets to go back. I had no worries about her. She walked right in the first day, told me bye, and headed off to play.

Surprisingly, Kinsley did great her first day of Kindergarten. Mom was a basket case, but she was calm and excited. We met her teacher out front. She gave me a hug and told me bye. NO tears at all (at least not from her, ha ha). That afternoon she even had another first- she rode the school bus from her school to mine- a total of about a 30 second ride...but she enjoyed the ride.

Exhaustion doesn't even seem to be the right word to describe the 3 of us Wednesday night. I made the mistake of wearing a new pair of shoes, so I had 4 blisters on each foot. My legs were hurting, my feet were sore, I just wanted to go to bed. It was a great day, but getting back into the swing of things for a new school year is exhausting. My new job is awesome. I am enjoying the older kids, although 25 kids in one class is enough to drain anyone...the people I work with are great, and the year has gotten off to a fabulous start. It is very refreshing compared to last year.

We're off to a great start. I will try to update more frequently and keep you posted on our school experiences this year.

Answered Prayers

2009-06-14T16:10:00.003-05:00

Last week brought some answers to our prayers...

As many of you know, last summer I got a new job in the county where we live. I was very excited- it was closer to home- which was great considering gas was about $4 a gallon. However, I quickly realized that it was not the environment for me. In fact, the school where I was placed was exactly the opposite environment from where I had been for the past 6 years. Not just different- completely different. I usually can handle changes well. I can "roll with the punches", adjust to new environments, and keep on truckin. No matter how hard I tried to be happy, my new environment was literally killing my spirit on a daily basis. It just wasn't the place for me.

When my former principal heard that I was unhappy, she called and offered me a temporary position back at my former school (she is awesome!). At first, we didn't think we would be able to do it financially because I would only get paid a daily rate (instead of my salary), I wouldn't get any benefits, I only got paid for the days I was there (no sick time), and when the temporary position was complete, I would be unemployed- unless something opened up. To be completely honest- it was a RISK. A big one.

The more we thought about it, and the more unhappy I became, we decided that money was not worth the unhappiness and decided to take the risk, knowing that something would work out because we fully trusted that God would take care of us. But, I have to admit- we were really nervous about it.

So February 1 I began my new position. It was like a breath of fresh air to be out of the smothering environment. Friends and family immediately noticed a change in me. I realized quickly that we had definitely made the right decision...or had we?

As the end of the school year approached (and so did my temporary job), the possibility of a job coming available for next year looked pretty dim due to extreme budget cuts in the county. I applied anyway, interviewed, and found out at the interview that, in fact, there were NO jobs open in the entire county. I applied at another school closer to home, and thought there would be a position there, but nothing.

For about 2-3 weeks I wondered what exactly God had in store for our familyI couldn't sleep, and everytime the phone rang I ran to answer it, hoping it would be a job offer. I was constantly trying to figure out the next step for my life...should I have stayed where I was unhappy just to have a job to help provide for our family? am I supposed to stay home and be a mom? should I pursue another career? is this an opportunity to move to another county away from our families? or should I just be patient?

I know it's only June and most people are just beginning to enjoy their summer vacations, and next school year is the farthest thing from their mind...but for me, not knowing if I would have a job in August was eating me up inside. I wasn't sure how long I could go without a job (I have always had a job- since I was about 14 I have always worked after school and during the summer, I continued to work through college, and picked right up after graduation) Not having a job was a HUGE deal for me. So, Wednesday I decided that I could not let this ruin my summer at home with the girls. I had to quit obsessing about it and worrying about it- worrying was not going to make a job appear. So I decided to completely give the situation over to God. I prayed for him to take the burden fand carry it for me. I prayed that His Will be done and for me to be okay with whatever that was.

This past Thursday Jamie and I were on our way to Nashville for the CMA Fest and my cell phone rang around 4:30. Without thinking a thing about it, I answered... and with that phone call, all of my worries were lifted completely off my shoulders. One position (in the county I had worked for 6 years) had become available and they were calling to offer it to me. Thank you Lord!

So, our prayers were answered and I have a job for next year. I know the women I will be working with and they are all great. I am very excited and can now relax and enjoy the summer. So, for those of you who have prayed about my job situation, THANK YOU! I have the most wonderful family and friends that anyone could ask for.

Now, let's get busy enjoying summer vacation!!!!

I love you anyway...

2009-06-06T20:57:00.003-05:00

Okay, I know you are shocked because I don't usually post twice in one week (gasp!) BUT...tonight I had to share a funny with you.

Kinsley's prayer before going to bed tonight:

Dear God,
Thank you for this day.
Please help me sleep good tonight.
Thank you for keeping daddy safe on his fishing trip today. (Aw, how sweet...)
Let daddy know that I still love him, even though he didn't catch a big catfish!
Amen.

Summer Break is Here!

2009-06-04T15:06:00.005-05:00

While it isn't officially summer yet, here at the Spears' house it is close enough! The way we see it, mom home from school = summer vacation. So we have spent most of our time the past 2 weeks outside.

Remember last summer how we had a picnic lunch outside almost everyday? Well, that didn't last long this year, as Kinsley was stung by a bee on our 2nd day outside. So, lunch has been moved indoors for the time being.

Kinsley's new passion is the sprinkler. She LOVES to play in it- Karlie, on the other hand, HATES the sprinkler. She had rather sit in her little kiddie pool and watch. It is quite a site to watch...Kinsley wears her goggles so that the water doesn't get her in eyes, Karlie sits and watches from the pool, which occasionally gets a few hits from the sprinkler...which then causes lots of screaming and crying. Fun times! Here are some of the latest pics...

"I may look funny, but there isn't any water in my eyes!"

Happy in my little pool...
"Momma, tell that spwinker to stop!"

G-O, Let's GO!

2009-05-17T17:40:00.006-05:00

Kinsley celebrated her 5th birthday today with 8 of her friends and 3 of her favorite high school cheerleaders. She LOVES cheerleading so she decided about a month ago that she wanted a cheerleading themed birthday party. It was the first "friend" party that she has had and overall I would say it was a success. We ended up with good weather, except for wind that kept blowing all of the decorations around. Here are some pictures from the party:

Sidewalk chalk should always be supervised play

2009-04-30T19:52:00.004-05:00

So, tonight after supper the girls asked if they could go outside and play while I cleaned up the kitchen. They have just gotten to the point where they will play outside without me or Jamie right by their side. So most nights after supper that's where they go. While they are out, they come in and out to give updates of what they're playing or tattle on each other.

Tonight they asked if they could play with their new sidewalk chalk that they got for Easter. They love sidewalk chalk and since we don't have a paved driveway, they draw on the garage floor. Kinsley has been practicing writing her numbers, letters, people's names, etc. Sidewalk chalk is great! Right? Well, maybe I should have asked where they planned to draw.....

Graceful

2009-04-27T21:23:00.003-05:00

Have I mentioned before that poor Karlie is not gifted in being very graceful? Well, those of you who know our family or have read our blog over the past few months know that Karlie has been given the nickname "Knothead". She falls ALL the time and seems to always hit her head. Tonight we had another fall so I wanted to share pictures of the newest knot... She made it down the deck stairs just fine- it's the straight, flat sidewalk that seemed to just jump out at her.

Thank goodness her pediatrician knows us well or we might be getting a visit from DCS...her knees are scraped and bruised, if you look really close you can tell she has a busted lip (from 2 days ago), and there is a scrape on her right arm. Maybe I should put her in a bubble suit.

Easter Pics

2009-04-13T19:09:00.004-05:00

We had a great Easter. The girls enjoyed dying eggs, eating candy, hunting eggs, eating candy, flying kites, eating candy, getting a visit from the Easter Bunny, and eating candy. Did I mention they enjoyed the candy?

Here are some pics...

WE did it!

2009-04-05T17:03:00.002-05:00

This past Saturday I finally completed my Graduate program!! I sat through the last class, turned in the last set of papers, and found out that I had passed my Comp exam. Yippee! This is a great accomplishment for not only me- but my entire family. Notice that I titled this post "WE did it". That's because I absolutely could not have made it through this program the last 2 years without my family.

Jamie has been wonderful to entertain the girls on nights when I had papers that needed to be written, projects to be done, or books to be read. Both of our families have volunteered countless Saturdays to keep the girls while I was in class and Jamie was unable to watch them. The girls have also been wonderful through this- not always understanding why mommy couldn't spend the day with them on Saturdays, but willing to give that up for a period of time.

I have to say that it has truly been a family effort and I couldn't have made it through (and maintained a 4.0) if it hadn't been for Jamie and our families. Graduation isn't until May so technically I don't have my degree yet, but for me- IT'S OVER and it feels very very good.

The last step in the process is taking the Praxis in June in order to get my Administrator's license...after that, I don't plan on going back to school for a L-O-N-G time!

Some laughs from the girls...

2009-03-21T19:23:00.006-05:00

I love sitting back and watching the girls as they grow and as their personalities develop. They are two completely different children. Their personalities couldn't be farther apart on the spectrum. Jamie and I get a kick out of listening as they interact with each other. Never does a day go by without something happening that we sit back and laugh about. Two particular instances happened today.

First up is Kinsley. She is a total GIRLY GIRL. She loves cheerleading, lip gloss, fingernail polish, purses, jewelry, and changing clothes several times a day. As soon as we get home from the babysitters house, the changing begins. And on days like today where we have nowhere to go, it is her favorite thing to do. I have seen at least 10 different ensembles put together today. The funny part about this- she has ZERO sense of style. Take a look at the #1 pick for today...

Yes, you see it right. It's a shirt with cherries, purple shorts with a flower pattern, socks, and plaid shoes. Jamie and I got a good laugh out of this one.

Karlie, on the other hand, is a rough and tough tomboy. She is always into everything. She has no fear. The problem? She is as clumsy as the day is long. One of her nicknames is "Knot Head." She first got this nickname right after she was born because of a cefalohematoma (sp?) that was caused from her being vaccumed out (even though she was born via C-section).

She has had many bumps and bruises from falling and running into things so the nickname still seems appropriate. Today she continued this tradition by falling and hitting her head on the corner of the refrigerator. She was trying to balance on top of a ball. She fell, couldn't catch herself, and went head-first into the edge of the refrigerator door. I know this isn't funny- or it wasn't when it happened...but after we knew she was okay, her daddy immediately called her a knot head and the laughter began. Below is a picture of her right after she was born and another one from today...just so that you understand why the nickname is perfect.

Ready for Spring

2009-03-04T10:41:00.006-06:00

I hate winter. Plain and simple- winter stinks. Everything is dead and ugly. It is cold, windy, and just miserable. I have never been one to be very fond of winter. I think it's downright depressing. I love sunshine, warmth, tanned-skin, and the beauty of things that are alive and blooming. I do love summer, but I would have to say that Spring has to be the most inspiring and revitalizing time of the year- not only for plants and flowers, but for my inner self.

This winter has been an especially difficult one as our family has faced many challenges. In fact, at times we were shaken completely to our core. It is definitely a winter that I am ready to be finished with- in fact, it's one that I hope to forget and never have to be reminded of...so I am looking forward to Spring with more fervor than ever this year. I am ready for new beginnings, new growth, and revitalized strength. More than ever I want to put the past in the past and look ahead toward the future- a fresh start, if you will.

I fully believe that everything happens for a reason...sometimes we don't always see or understand the reasons, but eventually things will come into focus. Taking a look back at the last year, I can see God working in my life. He has been preparing me every day for the challenges He knew I would face. I honestly feel stronger than ever coming out of the trials from this winter. I feel closer to God than ever before, and know that HE will always take care of me if I let Him. I must trust that He knows what I can handle, and that He will never give me more than that amount. Trials only make us stronger- without them we would never grow, we wouldn't realize how much we need Him, and we wouldn't appreciate the truly good times in our lives.

Although there is still snow on my deck as I type this, the weather forcasters say that Spring weather will be here by the end of this week. Ah, warm weather...recess at school...flowers blooming...playing outside with the girls...Comp exams...Graduation (finally)...and who knows what else this Spring will bring for our family. I can't wait to find out!

Spring, please come quickly!

The trip to Knoxville

2009-01-24T17:07:00.003-06:00

The following is a text that I received from Jamie today as he, his dad, his uncle, and his cousin traveled to Knoxville for the UT v. Memphis basketball game. It was so hilarious (and well-written I might add) that I had to share it. I had no idea Jamie had this type of writing ability...maybe he should start keeping up the blog since I am terrible at keeping it updated.

Anyway, the following is copied exactly from my cell phone...

It was that time. The time to head to the land of orange and white, God's country. After our usual stop at a fast food joint, the journey began. It started as always with a discussion about high school basketball and a prediciton of today's huge game. We then entered the interstate where I knew it would be just a short time and we would be there. A good nap was in the line for me.

All of a sudden I heard this pop, similar to that of a balloon busting, followed by a lot of air. I knew the food Uncle Marty had eaten had not had ample time to have settled -so he, for once, was innocent. The sound continued and it finally hit me- we have a flat tire. I wish I had had a video recorder. It was a sight comparable to a *(I think I better leave the comparison out)- we had to remove the tire.

This is probably the first time in our lives that you saw four guys swallow their pride and do what most guys don't do. Yes, we did it- we got out the instructions and began reading in hopes that one of us four rednecks could figure out how to remove the spare tire. After passing the instructions back and forth several times, we finally discovered where the wrench needed to be placed in order to begin the process of removing the tire. After 15 minutes, the spare tire was off. We then had to figure out where the jack needed to be placed in order to remove the flat tire. We put our brains together and decided the resting place for the jack. We were able to lift the van and remove the flat. We maneuvered enough to get the spare on. Guess what? Yes you guessed it- the spare tire was low- in fact, it was almost flat.

We were fortunate enough to have a device which plugged into the cigarette lighter and we were able to air the once-air-deflated spare tire to near maximum capacity. We were all frozen but could not have been happier to be on our way to see the Vols play.

Believe it or not, this all took place without any cursing, swearing, or wrenches being thrown!

You can imagine how many texts it took to tell the story. And if you know these 4 men who were traveling together, this story is absolutely HILARIOUS! There are a lot of comments I could make, but I think I will just keep my mouth shut. Hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.

Catching up...

2009-01-01T16:39:00.020-06:00

So it's been since October that I last posted...sorry. Things at our house have been busy and didn't leave much time for blogging. Actually there wasn't much to blog about. It seems like the past two months have been stressful and like our entire family has been in survival mode. I don't know how we get there, or if anyone else feels this way, but sometimes life seems to turn into survival instead of enjoyment. Get up, get ready, take the kids to the sitters, go to work, pick up the kids from the sitters, come home, cook supper, do dishes, give baths, read stories, put kids to bed, pick up the house, go to bed. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the routines of everyday life, that often times I forget that life is supposed to be enjoyable. I forget to "stop and smell the roses" if you will.

One of my New Years Resolutions this year is to do a better job enjoying life. I don't want to look back on this time in my life and have any regrets...I want to have fun, not take life too seriously, and make sure all of my family and friends know how much I love and care for them. I am extremely blessed with wonderful people all around me - I'm not sure what I would do without them. I want to be a more positive person- trying to remind myself to always see the glass as half- full instead of half-empty with streaks on the glass and a chip at the top. I know this won't be easy- isn't it always easier to see the flaws than the blessings of others?

I have greatly enjoyed my Christmas break from school. The girls are at such fun ages- we have had a blast! In fact I am not looking forward to going back to school on Monday...(more on that topic coming soon). This break has made me wish I could spend more time at home with them, but since there are bills to pay, I have decided that I must enjoy and cherish every moment that I am with them.

I hope everyone has a Happy New Year! Hopefully I will do better posting more often!

Since it's been so long since I posted, here are a few pics that were taken since Hallween- just to catch you up.

This was taken in Pigeon Forge, TN. Jamie and I went with some other couples from our church at the beginning of November and had a BLAST! So beautiful!

Karlie's idea of keeping warm and still looking good!

I know this is blurry, but it's my only picture of the girls in our first snow this winter. This was a present for my birthday- it fell on Dec. 11th and we got a snow day from school on the 12th!

Posing in front of the tree...Karlie kept checking out her big sis to see how she was supposed to pose. It was hilarious to watch her imitate Kinsley.

Karlie's favorite present of all- CHAPSTICK and lip gloss! We have to hide it from her on a daily basis.

Kinsley rockin' out to her Hannah Montana guitar...Karlie got one too. We are at Jamie's dad's house...do you think he likes UT?

Kinsley's first cake in her Easy Bake Oven.

Part of Kinsley's gift from us was redecorating her bedroom. We painted and got new bedding. Decorations are still in the works.

I have been feeling kind of crafty lately...so my latest project involved paint, ribbon, and Kinsley's boring white lamp shade. I think I'll keep my day job.

Whose idea was this anyway?

2008-11-01T18:53:00.005-05:00

As we raise the girls, Jamie and I realize on almost a daily basis that life is not always like we envision it to be. When you think of Halloween as a parent, you think of dressing your children up in costumes, going trick-or-treating, and getting lots of candy, all while everyone is excited and has smiles on their faces. Maybe that is reality for some, but this year at our house- it was quite the opposite.

At the beginning of October I began looking online for costume ideas for the girls. While skimming EBAY I ran across a JoJo and a Goliath costume (from Disney's JoJo's Circus show). I thought "What a fabulous idea! Kinsley can be JoJo and Karlie can be her pet lion Goliath!" I was even more excited when I got both costumes for less than $20 each. They arrived a few days later in the mail. Kinsley was so excited- she tried hers on immediately and LOVED it. I pulled Karlie's costume out of the box and she immediately said "No". I thought she was just being difficult so I told her to come and try it on. With the costume halfway on, I realized she wasn't just being difficult- she was TERRIFIED. She was so scared, in fact, that she wouldn't quit crying until I put it back in the box and hid it in my closet.

That's fine, I thought, we can find another costume before Halloween. So I tried...a frog? No-still scared...a cheerleader? No...A bumblebee? Nope. She was not going to put ANYTHING on.

So I asked "Karlie, what are you going to be for Halloween this year?"

Her reply - "Nuffin" (nothing).

"But if you don't dress up then you won't get any candy." (This will get her....)

"So". And with that, she walked away.

So Jamie agreed to keep Karlie at home while Kinsley and I went Trick-or-Treating with my mom, Kari, and her kids. When we got to Kari's, Kinsley began by noticing Tyler (a vampire) right off - she was so scared of him, she wouldn't get near him all night. Granted his costume was really good, but she knew it was just him. She was scared anyway.

So we began the walk around the neighborhood with Kinsley holding my hand so tightly she nearly drew blood. We walked up to the first house slowly, held out the bucket, and then after the candy was dropped in, I told Kinsley to say "Thank you" and it went downhill from there. She started crying and refused to go up to any more houses. My mom tried, I tried, Kari tried, and even Emily Klair tried but Kinsley wouldn't go. She loosened up just a little at the end but I think total she went to 3 houses during the hour that we walked. Exhausted and frustrated, we were ready to go home.

So in my mind I am thinking- she'll never want to do that again. Halloween from now on will be just another day around our house. Karlie won't wear a costume and Kinsley won't trick-or-treat. Not exactly what you have in mind when you think of Halloween as a parent.

So I load Kinsley into the car to go home. I get in, and as I am backing out of the driveway I hear these words from the backseat....

"Mom, that was SO much fun! I can't wait to do it again next year!"

I am still trying to figure it out. But for now I will leave you with some pictures.

JoJo (Pre- trick-or-treating)

Minnie Mouse and the scary Vampire

Karlie Turns 2!

2008-10-20T19:34:00.006-05:00

On Oct. 11th Karlie celebrated her 2nd birthday! She is quite the little character, and I am not sure what exactly to expect with her as a 2 year old, but for now I know that she keeps us laughing on a daily basis. She has a very large vocabulary for her age, in fact there isn't much that she can't say (or sing). She repeats everything she hears and right now some of her favorite things to do is cheer for the LC Panthers (G-O- Go Panthers! Go Pax! Go Defense!) and sing "Best of Both Worlds" from Hannah Montana. Surprisingly, you can actually tell what she is saying and she has the tune right...its a sight to see (and hear).

She has a very distinct little personality and is overall very different from her sister- so the Sister vs. Sister fights have already begun, although I have to admit that most of the time they get along GREAT and play very well together. I am sure that we will have lots of great stories to post throughout her Terrific/Terrible Twos. For now I will leave you with some pictures from her parties (yes, all 4 of them!) (The picture above was taken at Mama Jane's with Uncle Marty, Aunt Debbie, and Pax)

At Granny and Pa's house when we got home from the beach!

At Meme and Papaw's house.

At home with Grandpa and Paula!

The Spears Family

Revision #4

Blessed beyond measure

We're Back

What a difference a year makes!

Happy Birthday Karlie!

Free at last!

Need more space?

Get the Gates

Sweet Summertime

More impressed doctors...

A Magical Time

The story of "Us"

Happy Birthday Sweet Kinsley!!

Celebrating!!

The Helmet

Doing Great

Our Home Away from Home

All Blinged Out!

Refreshed

Bad blogger, neuro, helmet, and a special request

March! I thought you'd never come...

Having a shunt changes everything...

Trying to get ahead...

See for yourself

Going home!

A not-so-subtle Sign

Some bad news and some good news...

Surgery #3

Same song, third verse...

Still here...

It's the Little Things...

Being reminded

Shunt Revision

Surgery

Finally

The Doctor Admits...

He can and He will...If you let Him

Growing...

The Good News....

Growing...

Humbled at the Gas Pump

Doctors, Development, and School

Getting Hefty

A Few Funnies, Part 2

A Few Funnies, Part 1

More answered prayers

Doing Great

Could not ask for more

Settling In

HOME!

At a loss for words...

Surgery is Finished!

Update

Feelings

Update

The Ups and Downs

A Good Day

Still waiting....

Prayers are being answered...

All the pain goes away when........

A Few Pics

Latest details

Welcome Anderson

Truly Blessed~ More thoughts from Jamie

A Change of Plans

Quick update...

Not a coincidence

The date is set!!

Already blessed

Second Best sounds pretty good!

Not neglected...

The Good, The Bad, and The Undecided

Jamie's View

Welcome to Holland

Latest News...

Where we are...

Frustrated

Taking things for granted

Two Firsts....