Chemo #1

It's been exactly one week since my first chemo treatment. For the first 3 days I was so sick I couldn't do anything, including write a post, and for the past 4 days I have felt so good I haven't had the time to post!



How was the first treatment? Well, it was bad. I realize it could have been much worse, but to me, it just stunk. The nausea hit me Thursday afternoon not too long after getting home. And the pills they told me to take for nausea? Yea, well they didn't work. But I alternated the 2 medications all weekend, will little relief. Along with the nausea, I simply felt awful- no pain, just an overall feeling bad. I also had zero energy. I spent the entire weekend wrapped in a blanket in my recliner.

By Sunday, I was determined no matter how badly I felt, I WAS going to church with my family. I WOULD be there Easter Sunday. I WOULD make it to my mom's to watch the kids hunt eggs and fly kites and ride the 4wheeler. So, I got up and showered. Then I got dressed and started getting the kids ready. I really felt terrible, but I kept telling myself to keep going. Finally I realized there was absolutely no way I could make it. I just wasn't ready. I was too sick and too weak to go anywhere. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. After being sick for 3 days and not knowing when I would feel better, I hit an emotional low Sunday. I threw my positive attitude out the window and started convincing myself that I CAN"T do this. Really. It was bad. If I'm being honest, it was the lowest point I've been at emotionally in a very long time. I was mad that I wasn't well enough to spend time with my husband and kids, I was frustrated because I was so sore from my port placement that I could hardly move my "good" arm, I was upset because I felt like I was missing out on part of my kids' lives, and I began to fear the future.

However, finally Sunday evening there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly, almost as if a light switch had been pushed, I wasn't nauseous anymore. Food actually sounded good, although I was a little hesitant to eat in fear the nausea would return. But I grabbed on to this small piece of hope and held on tightly.

By Monday morning, I still had the horrible metallic taste in my mouth, but no nausea. So I decided I was finished having my pity-party from Sunday. It was time to put on my big girl panties and move on. So I got ready and went to work. That was the best thing I could have done. Yes I was tired, but I made it through the day and felt great. It actually felt almost normal, you know, like an ordinary day.

So I've been able to work all this week and that is good for my spirit. It's good for my kids, too, because we are all back on our normal routine where we spend 2 hours a day in the car together going to and from school, talking and singing. Each day I feel a little better. It has been a great week. I now understand exactly why these treatments are every other week- just when you think you can't go through it again, you start to feel better...and you enjoy feeling good for a week and a half to convince yourself you CAN do it again, just in time for the next treatment.

My next treatment is a week from today, April 19. I plan to enjoy feeling great from now until then. And if I know that I will only be sick for 3 days, then I will try to keep that in perspective for the next one and not allow myself to hop off the positive train this round. I do have one concern, though, that I would really like to ask for prayers about. Karlie's 1st ever dance recital is Saturday the 21st- yep, 2 days after my treatment. I am not going to miss this recital. I'm planning to ask about some different meds or things I can do to maybe not be so sick on Saturday. She has worked so hard and is so excited- I have to be there for her. Also, the opening act is her class doing a dance with their dads to the Steven Curtis Chapman song "I Danced with Cinderella". I do not want to miss this. These are memories. I don't want to just have to see pictures- I want to be there to be a part of these memories. So will you please pray that I will be able to attend her recital? I don't have to feel great- I just have to be able to get out of the recliner and make it to the recital.

Thanks so much! Our family has been wrapped in prayer and support from so many people. We appreciate this more than you know. My list for thank you cards continues to grow each day, no matter how many I get sent out. We truly are overwhelmed by your love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.