Here we go again

I spoke with my doctor last night.  He had just gotten off the phone with pathology regarding my tissue that was being examined.  It appears that my breast cancer has metastisized to my ovaries.  This is the better of the 2 options (this vs. a new ovarian cancer).  I am now waiting for a call from my oncologist to let me know what this means, what our treatment plan will be, and the overall prognosis of this additional diagnosis. 

I have so many emotions going through my mind.  It stinks to have only felt cancer-free for 3 weeks before beginning this journey again.  (Even though I realize now that I never was Cancer-free.  This just had not been discovered yet.)  But still, ignorance is sometimes bliss, and those 3 weeks were greatly enjoyed thinking I had won the battle. 

Even though I still trust God as much as I ever have, I still have so many questions, so many fears, so many 'Why" questions that only HE can answer.   I get sad, I get angry, I get frustrated, I feel peace, I have hope - all of these feelings at different times during the day.  It's like a roller coaster. 

I'm not afraid to fight again.  I know how stubborn I am- I know that I will fight with everything I have- but I think this time the realization that no matter how hard you fight you don't always win...hits a little too close to home. 

I really hate it for Jamie and the girls especially.  They have literally been through a lot of emotional stress watching me fight for the past year- and just when we celebrated, here we go again.  I'm pretty sure none of them are ready to endure what's coming again so soon.  Please pray for them.  I have an army of people ready to pray and stand by my side as I fight, but they also need this army to hold them up when they don't have the strength to stand on their own. 

As I know more, I will try to update.  Just please continue to pray for our family.