What do you do...

when you get the news you hoped you'd never have to hear?  What do you do when you find out you're not a survivor, but still a fighter, and the battle just got more intense?  What do you do when you're given a time limit on how long you could possibly live?

Well, those are the questions that Jamie and I were faced with today at my doctor's appointment.  We went in with smiles and feeling positive about a good visit.  When we left, we were in such a state of shock we didn't really know what to say or do.

But it didn't take long for my mind to realize the information that we had just been told.  It didn't take long for the tears to start flowing.  Jamie and I have had to have some conversations lately that no 32 year old couple should have to have.  (But unfortunately we aren't the first and won't be the last.)  But our faith is strong and we believe deep down that no matter what happens in this situation, God is still in control.  While we don't understand, HE does.  Only HE knows the big picture and knows what possible reason our family could be walking through this valley.  But no matter how deep the valley gets, he's walking by our side.

So what do we do?  We cry, we sob, we mourn, and then we keep living, keep fighting, and keep praying.  That's it.  Simple as that.  We do not stop living life.   We just keep moving.  We try to keep our lives as normal as possible, and make the most of every minute of every single day.

So don't be shocked if you see me at school (tomorrow) or at church or out at ballgames.  I am not going into hiding just because I now have Stage IV cancer.  No- quite the opposite.  I will be out more, doing more, and enjoying everything I can.

Our family will stand strong through this.  One thing I can promise- I will not lay down and quit fighting.  I'm too stubborn.  I do not give up or give in easily.  It's me against cancer and I can promise that no matter who wins, it will not be an easy fight for either side.

I'm absolutely overwhelmed by all of the messages, texts, emails, cards, calls, etc.  I haven't been able to respond to any of them tonight.  The comfort that I feel from having our family lifted in prayer throughout the day is intense.  Thank you for that.  I will try to respond as best I can, but please keep in mind that we are still processing all of this.

One thing I ask...please be sensitive to what you say if any of my children are present.  We are still protecting them from this awful situation as much as we can.  They know more cancer has been found, and that mom may have more doctor's appointments again, but we've pretty much left it at that.  I'd rather them not have the stress and worries that come with this diagnosis- not yet.  I know there will come a time when they have to be given more information, but now is not the time.

Keep living, keep praying, and keep fighting- That's my plan.