Chemotherapy

As you probably remember from another post, my chemotherapy schedule is in 2 phases.  Phase 1 consisted of Adriamycin (a.k.a. Red Devil) and Cytoxan.  These were given every other week for 8 weeks (4 total treatments).  Then phase 2 is Taxol given every week for 12 weeks.  This past Friday I began Phase 2!!!  Yahoo!  If I had to think of one word to describe Phase 1 it would be HORRIFIC!  That combination of medicines really kicks you and gets you down.  I just hope it did as much damage to the cancer cells as it did to my healthy cells.  Whew.  Each treatment made me very sick for 3-4 days.  I also had to get a shot of Neulasta the day after chemo to help increase my white blood cell count.  This shot made me feel like I had the flu x 100!  I ached and hurt all over.  I hurt just to be touched- it was difficult to put on makeup and even lying down in bed hurt.  Whoever came up with 4 treatments of that combination is a genius because I can honestly say that if I knew I had to do more than 4, I'm not sure I could have done it.  Just when I started to feel "normal' again, it was time for the next treatment.   I did still work during the treatments except for treatment days and the day after, then I recovered all weekend and went back to work on Monday.  It wasn't always easy, but being at work made me feel like I had a purpose and kept me busy so that I didn't just sit around letting my mind wander (which I have found this summer is NOT a good thing).  But let me say, I have never been so thankful to have completed something in my life!

So, how is Phase 2?  Well, I've been both looking forward to and dreading phase 2 all at the same time.  I had read and had heard from others that phase 2 is not near as bad as phase 1, symptomatically speaking.  However, I also knew my body and knew that "I" tend to not have the same experience as others.  "Worst case scenario" tends to somehow end up being my Plan A, and I have gotten pretty used to preparing for Plan B.  So I had no idea whether or not my body would have the same experiences as the others. 

I hate to speak too soon or to jinx anything, but the first treatment of phase 2 was WONDERFUL! Well, as wonderful as chemotheraphy can be at least.  I did not have any sickness at all.  I had a full appetite, had great energy, and felt great.  The only side effects were from the huge dose of steroids, as well as some joint pain/body aches.  But this girl is not complaining about any of those!  I can handle that- as long as I am not sick!

So right now I don't dread the next 11 weeks nearly as bad as I did just a few weeks ago.  I know 11 weeks sound like a long time, but I will have my last treatment the 3rd week of school- and I know how quickly July will fly by and school will be here before I know it.  When I first started treatment, a great friend of mine made a paper link chain and hung it in my office.  There were 16 links total- one for each treatment.  Each time I finish a treatment, a link gets torn off.  It's like a visual countdown for me and I LOVE watching that chain get smaller and smaller. 

So for the time being, my spirits are up and I am determined to fight and kick this thing in the butt!  All of those thoughts of being finished and wanting to stop the chemo are now gone.  I have a new motto to live by during this journey.  I heard it on Good Morning America on Monday when Robin Roberts announced about her latest diagnosis.   She said that she has to "Focus on the FIGHT, not the FRIGHT."  Wow!  Good stuff.  So I have decided to use that as my daily motto.  I will focus on fighting and kicking this thing in the butt- I will not allow myself to focus on the fears of having stage 3 cancer.  I am a FIGHTER and I must stay focused on my goal!