I came home from the hospital Thursday morning. I was thankful to be so close to home as I held tight to my pillow pet which was wedged between myself and the seatbelt. I felt like Dorothy because there really is "no place like home". Since we've been home, I've spent a lot of time in my recliner. I have been able to keep my pain under control pretty well, except for when Jamie cleans my drains I start hurting really bad and even got really sick one time.
I went back to the surgeon yesterday who was very pleased with how well I am doing and how great my incisions are healing. Even though things didn't go as planned, I am doing great with Plan B.
It has taken me a little time to wrap my brain around the WHY questionss that I was asking after surgery but I think I understand enough now to be at peace with everything. We were originally doing both sides for a peace of mind for me mostly. So when I woke up and found out that only one side had been done because the other side was so bad, it naturally made me want the other side gone too. I don't think anyone likes to come out of surgery and be told they had to go with "Plan B". But I now understand the decision that was made and I realize that it was the best decision.
I still have cancer. I still have to have chemotherapy- none of that has changed. I may have to also have radiation due to the lymph node involvement. And now I will probably begin treatment sooner than originally planned.
What I don't know (or don't understand) is how that many lymph nodes were in that bad of shape without anyone knowing it. As soon as they opened me up and took one look at my nodes, they knew right then they weren't going to do the other side. The appearance, the shape, the hardness, the size of the lymph nodes took any question of whether they were involved or not out of the question. They removed 15 nodes and all of them were positive. While this scares me, I keep reminding myself that I had a cancer battle before we knew this and I have a cancer battle after knowing this- the only thing that may have changed is how aggresive of treatments I have to go through. I will probably also have a PET scan sometime in the near future to absolutely make sure there are no signs of cancer anywhere else in my body.
Physically I am doing well. I am keeping my pain under control overall. I do have moments of pain, and I make sure to take my medicine when it's time, but feeling good considering. Emotionally I am good. I am okay with how things have gone, I am okay with the fact that things don't "look" great yet because I know eventually they will. I am nervous about treatments and how my body will react to the treatments, but again it's something that has to be done so you just do it.
I am humbled by the huge support group of people surrounding our family. Everyone has been wonderful. Please keep praying as this journey is really just beginning. We have only taken the first step in a mile long journey.
Sorry if this post is all over the place- pain medicine is not helping my train of thought stay focused.
3 comments:
Well, I must be on something too...cause can't seem to spell been....there, I spelled it!! I have BEEN watching since last night for your blog post. So glad to be able to understand things a bit better regarding the whys,etc. So pleased, though not surprised to see you are staying positive. The body is so complex and in our finite minds will never figure out how it all functions, will we!! God certainly does not want these big "burps" in our lives, but allows them. Some might wonder how a loving God could...allow so many bad things to happen to good people...but this fallen world we live in is plagued with disease, heartache and pain. Sadly, no one is immune. As I think of my sweet Mother who went HOME four weeks ago today...I am reminded that NOW she is whole, healthy,young and vibrant in her body and mind so I have peace! I often think when I hear of tough things happening to young people I care about..(YOU)...I think..."Lord, it's one thing when someone older has to go through serious illness and treatments to bring about wellness"...but, "Lord, this is really hard when someone in their prime, with young children to care for and a full life to life gets struck down and faces a hard journey"....and then He says"....(well, in my spirit He says)..."when you get to Heaven I will explain everything to you if you still need to understand..but for now...."...."Just Trust, Support, Love on, Encourage and Believe that with Me all things are possible and I hold every breath of my children in My heart." Andrea, I truly believe God is going to use your testimony in great ways! From Anderson...(who by the way I would love to visit and play with...and Karlie and Kinsley....our upstairs playhouse is just waiting for some little imaginations)...all the way to your journey through to recovery and wellness! Honey, I can see you speaking to large groups..being an instrument of hope and encouragement. Don't say I didn;t warn you, but you better be getting some "speaking" clothes together!!:)Until then....rest, recuperate, ready yourself for whatever treatment will come.....cause with God in front of you and your family and Army surrounding you and Jamie....there is limit to the progress you are going to make!!! Must stop....may not be allowed to comment on blogs anymore...get a little "wordy"!! Love ya, Bettie~Col. 3:17~
NO LIMIT!!...need to pre-read...:)
keep on keeping on! keep up that awesome positive attitude kiddo. you got this. I will be performing or assisting with your PET scan (if you have it at Maury Regional). Call me if you have any questions, need to talk, or want to talk about anything other than Cancer!!! ugh. love you,bre.
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