Chemo #1

It's been exactly one week since my first chemo treatment. For the first 3 days I was so sick I couldn't do anything, including write a post, and for the past 4 days I have felt so good I haven't had the time to post!



How was the first treatment? Well, it was bad. I realize it could have been much worse, but to me, it just stunk. The nausea hit me Thursday afternoon not too long after getting home. And the pills they told me to take for nausea? Yea, well they didn't work. But I alternated the 2 medications all weekend, will little relief. Along with the nausea, I simply felt awful- no pain, just an overall feeling bad. I also had zero energy. I spent the entire weekend wrapped in a blanket in my recliner.

By Sunday, I was determined no matter how badly I felt, I WAS going to church with my family. I WOULD be there Easter Sunday. I WOULD make it to my mom's to watch the kids hunt eggs and fly kites and ride the 4wheeler. So, I got up and showered. Then I got dressed and started getting the kids ready. I really felt terrible, but I kept telling myself to keep going. Finally I realized there was absolutely no way I could make it. I just wasn't ready. I was too sick and too weak to go anywhere. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. After being sick for 3 days and not knowing when I would feel better, I hit an emotional low Sunday. I threw my positive attitude out the window and started convincing myself that I CAN"T do this. Really. It was bad. If I'm being honest, it was the lowest point I've been at emotionally in a very long time. I was mad that I wasn't well enough to spend time with my husband and kids, I was frustrated because I was so sore from my port placement that I could hardly move my "good" arm, I was upset because I felt like I was missing out on part of my kids' lives, and I began to fear the future.

However, finally Sunday evening there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly, almost as if a light switch had been pushed, I wasn't nauseous anymore. Food actually sounded good, although I was a little hesitant to eat in fear the nausea would return. But I grabbed on to this small piece of hope and held on tightly.

By Monday morning, I still had the horrible metallic taste in my mouth, but no nausea. So I decided I was finished having my pity-party from Sunday. It was time to put on my big girl panties and move on. So I got ready and went to work. That was the best thing I could have done. Yes I was tired, but I made it through the day and felt great. It actually felt almost normal, you know, like an ordinary day.

So I've been able to work all this week and that is good for my spirit. It's good for my kids, too, because we are all back on our normal routine where we spend 2 hours a day in the car together going to and from school, talking and singing. Each day I feel a little better. It has been a great week. I now understand exactly why these treatments are every other week- just when you think you can't go through it again, you start to feel better...and you enjoy feeling good for a week and a half to convince yourself you CAN do it again, just in time for the next treatment.

My next treatment is a week from today, April 19. I plan to enjoy feeling great from now until then. And if I know that I will only be sick for 3 days, then I will try to keep that in perspective for the next one and not allow myself to hop off the positive train this round. I do have one concern, though, that I would really like to ask for prayers about. Karlie's 1st ever dance recital is Saturday the 21st- yep, 2 days after my treatment. I am not going to miss this recital. I'm planning to ask about some different meds or things I can do to maybe not be so sick on Saturday. She has worked so hard and is so excited- I have to be there for her. Also, the opening act is her class doing a dance with their dads to the Steven Curtis Chapman song "I Danced with Cinderella". I do not want to miss this. These are memories. I don't want to just have to see pictures- I want to be there to be a part of these memories. So will you please pray that I will be able to attend her recital? I don't have to feel great- I just have to be able to get out of the recliner and make it to the recital.

Thanks so much! Our family has been wrapped in prayer and support from so many people. We appreciate this more than you know. My list for thank you cards continues to grow each day, no matter how many I get sent out. We truly are overwhelmed by your love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Let the games begin...And may the odds be ever in your favor!

Just a little quote from Hunger Games to begin this post! I have been doing really good the past few days and I was able to get out of the house and go on a few adventures. I started this past Thursday night by going to the midnight premier of the Hunger Games. I absolutely loved it and had a great time. I had read all 3 books during Christmas vacation and I have been counting down til the movie- I was disappointed when I thought there would be no way for me to go, so when I felt good and had a good visit with the doctor that day, I decided to go all out!

Friday night the kids all went to spend the night with Meme and that allowed Jamie and me to spend some time together relaxing and going out to eat with real adult conversations. I enjoyed it tremendously.

Saturday included more relaxing (before the kids came home). It was much needed relaxing, especially for Jamie. I have to brag on him - he has been absolutely fantastic. He is such a wonderful husband and father. I don't know what I'd do without him. Especially this last hospital stay- he had to practically help me do EVERYTHING, because they put my IV in the bend of my arm on the only good arm I have, which limited my range of motion on that side too. Even eating was a challenge!

Sunday we were able to go to worship as a family, which was wonderful! It had been a month since we had been able to do this and it was great to be back and see everyone, and to hear a great sermon on the 23rd Psalm. I then spent the day with one of my best friends, visiting one of our teachers who just had surgery, and then meeting up with some other friends for lunch. I have never been so glad to get out of the house! It was a great day!

Today was the cherry on top...I am so happy tonight as I post this! In fact, I feel a little less tied down...you see, I have had drainage tubes coming out of my side for a month straight...I fully realize their importance and why I have them, but they drive me crazy. In fact, they have been the majority of my frustrations! Forget any pain, I can handle that! But trying to hide the tubes, sleep with the tubes, wear clothes that don't rub the tubes, etc.. You get the point. Well, today my FABULOUS doctor took out both of my drainage tubes!!!! Hooray! He also took out the stitches from my most recent incision, and the best part....He gave me permission to take a quick trip to the beach before I begin my treatments! YAHOO! Have I mentioned how wonderful he is??

So, lots of good things happening today! We also found out today that I will have my Port placed next Tuesday and I will begin my treatments next Thursday. Yep, next week I will finally begin the next phase of this journey. Am I ready? Yes, because you can't finish if you don't start...and the sooner you start, the sooner you finish. BUT, I honestly am a little frightened about it, too. I have no idea how my body will react to the treatments and that's a little (ok, a lot) scary. Considering the track record of my body over the past 2 months, I don't have a lot of confidence in it!

I will just have to stay focused and not allow these fears to overtake me. I must stay focused. I must remind myself that God is by my side, holding my hand, and he will never leave me. I must also think of all of you, lifting our family up in prayer, and ready to stand by our side every step through this entire journey. We can do this! And what a celebration we will have when this journey is over and we come out victorious!

So, as we prepare for next week, the Hunger Games quote seems to be appropriate : "Let the games begin! And may the odds be ever in your favor!" (Effie Trinkett)

The plan...

Ok, well Jamie and I are breathing a little easier tonight. Not because anything wonderful or spectacular happened at the oncology visit today, but just because we have a plan and KNOW what to expect, and like I've said before, there is comfort in having a plan.

So here it is: 20 weeks total of chemotherapy. 8 weeks of Adriamycin and Cytoxan, given every other week. Then 12 weeks of Taxol, given every week. After chemo I will also have radiation, although we won't go into the specifics of how many treatments until that time gets closer. After all chemo and radiation treatments are finished I will also have 5 years of hormone therapy, but that is just medication taken by mouth.

They are hoping to get started either the first or second week of April, depending on how well I continue to recover from the most recent infection and procedure.

So my goal is that by Christmas of this year I will be pronounced cancer free!

I know this won't be easy, but I am ready to get started. Thank you for your prayers today and everyday. Your prayers and support, as well as God's strength, are what keep us going each day.

***As a side note: We did not see the doctor we were supposed to see today...not sure what happened. But after waiting 45 minutes back in a room, the doctor I had already seen before surgery came in to tell us the treatment plan. I know they all work together so, I am trying to decide if it matters which one I see when I go, as long as I feel comfortable and get all my questions answered, which I did today. Jury is still out on how I feel about this.

Home Again and Doing Great!

I was finally discharged from the hospital this past Thursday with some very strong antibiotics to take for the next 14 days. I was so glad to be home! I have never spent that much time in the hospital, and I have a new understanding of how easy it is to get down and depressed with each day that goes by. I really feel for those who spend weeks at a time in the hospital- by Wednesday, I had decided it was time to have a pity-party. I really wanted to go home, but when they told me I just wasn't ready yet, I felt sorry for myself. So Wednesday was a really bad day, emotionally speaking, where I think I really had a lot of time to think and come face to face with the journey I have just begun. I know everyone keeps saying how strong I am, but in reality, I am not strong. I am weak, but in my weak moments I pray and ask God to hold me up, to get me through, to push me forward. Well, during my pity-party Wednesday I simply allowed myself to feel like I was all alone in this journey. I know that is the farthest thing from the truth, but when you don't feel great and you have a lot of time to just sit and think, you can easily convince yourself of anything. I allowed myself to lose focus of all of the people out there supporting me through prayer, t-shirts, bracelets, cards, etc. I allowed myself to forget that God was right there beside me at the hospital, helping my body heal and get stronger each day. I guess that's a natural thing, but let me tell you- it's lonely.

Somehow a few friends of mine knew (or maybe just suspected) that I was having a bad day, and they decided to make a surprise visit to the hospital- even though I had been placed in isolation. They came in with a giant picture collage from my pink party, as well as some of my favorite snacks. We did a lot of laughing that night, and it was exactly what I needed to remind myself that I am never alone in this journey. God is always there, but so are a whole host of friends, family, and complete strangers- standing by my side, lifting me up in prayer, and ready to be there on those difficult days.

My and Jamie's families have been an absolute blessing through all of this, helping keep some normalcy and routine for the kids while I was stuck at the hospital. I really don't know what we'd do without them all being so close to us and willing to help out whenever and however they can.

I came home with the directions to get plenty of rest. Let me tell you, no one is having to fight me to follow these orders. This infection completely wiped me out! I can get up and do a few things and then it is straight back to my recliner to rest. I am not being stubborn. While I know I didn't do anything to cause the infection, I am not risking doing anything to cause another setback. I am following doctor's orders and getting plenty of rest.

Other than the exhaustion, I really feel pretty good considering what my body has been through the past 2 weeks. I don't have much pain at all, other than some soreness. Sleeping is sometime difficult as it's hard to get comfortable while making sure my left arm is in a good position to allow the fluid to drain, making sure the drainage tubes (I have 2 again) aren't kinked or somewhere they could be yanked out while I sleep, and just trying to be in a comfortable position for the soreness from the 2 surgeries. That is pretty much my only complaint.

I apologize for not updating the blog more frequently. I tend to do short updates on Facebook, but then I was reminded that there are people checking the blog who aren't on facebook. So I will try to do better with the updates on here, even if they tend to be short rather than long.

Monday is our rescheduled appointment with the oncologist. It's Monday afternoon so I will post again Monday night as we are hoping to have a plan and lots of answers when we leave that appointment. Please pray that this appointment will go well- Jamie and I already have a slight bad taste in our mouth after the doctor refused to come and see us while I was in the hospital, even though his office is attached to the hospital and required a short walk down a hallway. I pray that our minds are changed on Monday when we meet face to face.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! The weather around here is absolutely gorgeous and I was able to enjoy some time outside today, which felt great. Keep praying! Let's move forward in this journey!

What happened?

I was doing so good. Recovering just like I should, incisions looking great, and feeling great. We were looking forward to our appt with the oncologist (supposed to be today) so we could find out the plan and move forward in our journey. Then Friday afternoon I began having more pain than I had experienced since leaving the hospital. I met my dr after hours to let him have a look and everything looked fine. There was a little redness but nothing out of the ordinary. So he did a few things and told me to let him know in the morning if I wasn't better. Well, I wasn't better-in fact Saturday morning I was hurting so badly I couldn't get comfortable so Jamie took me back to his office Saturday morning. This time he tried to pull fluid from the surgical site to check for infection but there was no excess fluid that he could pull off. So he wrote me some prescriptions and told me to let him know if I didn't get better. By Sunday morning the nausea and vomiting started. I couldn't keep anything down, which also meant I couldn't take my pain meds. I have never been that sick in my entire life!

Finally my family told me enough was enough-they were calling the dr and taking me to the ER. I kept fighting this because I knew I couldn't sit in the waiting room because I was so sick. My wonderful doctor agreed and decided I needed tests run to figure out why I was so sick-especially 11days after surgery. Most infections show up within the first week. So Sunday night around 5:30 I was admitted and the testing began.

My poor hand looks like a pin cushion. They needed lots of blood and I was dehydrated which made finding a good vein even more difficult. By the time they finished I had lost all strength and I was a big baby. I was crying because I didn't feel good and everyone who walked in the room did something to hurt me. It was definitely one of the lowest moments of this journey.

As the results came in my white blood cell count was very high, CT scan showed possible pneumonia but no fluid collection at my surgical site, and my heart rate was high. So I was started on antibiotics and they began trying to find where the infection was that was causing all of these symptoms. Monday morning my dr came back to try to pull off fluid again and this time he did get fluid and it didn't look pretty. My doctor was just sick. So he went to culture the fluid and told me if it started to grow then we would have to go in and check it out. In less than 2 hours my nurse came in and told me I had just been put on npo status, which told me I was having surgery again. Then my dr called me and told me he was going to have to go in and check things out. So I went back into surgery at 2:00 yesterday.

Once they got in there it was obvious that my body had rejected the foreign bodies that had been placed in for the reconstruction. It was so bad they had to take everything out and clean it out and l eave it out. Reconstruction will just have to wait until I have finished my treatments and am healthy once again.

I felt better immediately after surgery. Feeling even better today. I am not sure yet how much this will delay us but the oncologist did not come see us today, but did reschedule our appt for Monday the 19th. Not what we had hoped for, but it will have to do. We are still in the hospital tonight as we wait to get the results of the cultures to see which medications I need to be on to kill any lingering infection and to determine if it can be meds by mouth or if they have to be IV antibiotics. Also my blood pressure is low and they are having a hard time getting it back up. It's not dangerously low, but much lower than what it normally runs so they are watching it closely.

So that's where we re now. Not sure when we will get to go home but for now we are making the best of it. I even got to get wheeled outside and enjoy some sunshine! Thanks for the continued prayers and support. I received several pictures of teachers (and some students ) from Kinsley's school who wore their "Andrea's Army" shirts to school today and they brought me to tears, not because I was sad but because I was so overwhelmed by their love and support. I love you guys! We will keep fighting!

Gettin' Antsy and Some Results

Getting Antsy? That's me. I can only be forced to sit in my recliner and rest for so many days before I start going CRAZY. And today, that' exactly where I found myself. So, I talked my mom in to taking me out of the house. "Where do you want to go?" she asked. "I don't care. Anywhere but here." So we hopped in the car (or slowly lowered myself with my pillowpet might be more accurate) and took off.

We went to her house for a little while, went and got lunch, strolled through Hobby Lobby, and ran a few other errands. The sunshine was wonderful and I was feeling as great as could be possible almost a week after surgery. I am proud to say that I have only taken my pain meds 2 times all day today and I still feel great! :) Yeah Baby!

Then this afternoon I went back to the doctor to have my incisions and drainage tubes checked. Everything looks good at this point as far as healing goes. I was able to get 1 of the tubes taken out which is wonderful because those things are a real pain in the backside trying to keep hidden when you are out and about in public! (I figure most people would not appreciate my drains hanging out for them to see all the fun stuff that fills them! So I do my best to hide them but don't feel successful at times.)

Overall the visit was a good one. We do have a more clear vision of this cancer and the tumor that I had because the pathology report from surgery is back. So...the tumor ended up being only a little bigger than 2 cm (I don't remember exactly but 2.1 or 2.3 or something). They ended up removing 16 total lymph nodes and of those 16 only 10 were positive. (only?). 10 didn't seem so bad to me because I originally had thought all of them were positive but after being sent to pathology, 10 out of 16 didn't seem so bad. But I guess I was wrong, though. Because having this many lymph nodes involved and the way they looked (some lymph nodes were nearly as large as the tumor) they have now put me at Stage III rather than Stage II.

Not exactly what you hope to hear, but as we were leaving I told my mom that this does not change my treatment at all. I still have cancer and I still have a battle. Haven't we known that since the beginning of February? Yes. Do I hate that it never seems to be the "typical" or "less severe" situation when I go to get results? yes I hate it. But I know I can't change it. There is absolutely nothing at this point I can do to make those results different.

What can I do? I can keep praying. I can keep asking my Army of friends to pray. And I can make the decision to do WHATEVER it takes to fight this cancer and kick it in the butt. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. So dear friends, I know there is a purpose in this that God will reveal, and I know he is by my side. BUT I also know that I have a lot more life to live. I have 2 daughters who need their mom to help them as they grow- to fight with as a teenager, and then be a best friend to when they have their own children. I have a son who will need reminded that he CAN do it and to never ever give up no matter how hard it gets. I have a husband who needs me, not only as his wife, but as his cheer leader and best friend. I have a family who need me- I am their laughter and strength. I also have a school full of children who need me- because I am the first smile that some of them see each morning. And better yet- I still have many people in my life who need to know Jesus and know what's it's like to have a relationship with him. I am not finished with the many purposes God placed me here on earth to accomplish. So giving up is not an option. Oh no- I will fight this to the end- and in the end I pray that God allows me to come out victorious.

It's me!

I came home from the hospital Thursday morning. I was thankful to be so close to home as I held tight to my pillow pet which was wedged between myself and the seatbelt. I felt like Dorothy because there really is "no place like home". Since we've been home, I've spent a lot of time in my recliner. I have been able to keep my pain under control pretty well, except for when Jamie cleans my drains I start hurting really bad and even got really sick one time.

I went back to the surgeon yesterday who was very pleased with how well I am doing and how great my incisions are healing. Even though things didn't go as planned, I am doing great with Plan B.

It has taken me a little time to wrap my brain around the WHY questionss that I was asking after surgery but I think I understand enough now to be at peace with everything. We were originally doing both sides for a peace of mind for me mostly. So when I woke up and found out that only one side had been done because the other side was so bad, it naturally made me want the other side gone too. I don't think anyone likes to come out of surgery and be told they had to go with "Plan B". But I now understand the decision that was made and I realize that it was the best decision.

I still have cancer. I still have to have chemotherapy- none of that has changed. I may have to also have radiation due to the lymph node involvement. And now I will probably begin treatment sooner than originally planned.

What I don't know (or don't understand) is how that many lymph nodes were in that bad of shape without anyone knowing it. As soon as they opened me up and took one look at my nodes, they knew right then they weren't going to do the other side. The appearance, the shape, the hardness, the size of the lymph nodes took any question of whether they were involved or not out of the question. They removed 15 nodes and all of them were positive. While this scares me, I keep reminding myself that I had a cancer battle before we knew this and I have a cancer battle after knowing this- the only thing that may have changed is how aggresive of treatments I have to go through. I will probably also have a PET scan sometime in the near future to absolutely make sure there are no signs of cancer anywhere else in my body.

Physically I am doing well. I am keeping my pain under control overall. I do have moments of pain, and I make sure to take my medicine when it's time, but feeling good considering. Emotionally I am good. I am okay with how things have gone, I am okay with the fact that things don't "look" great yet because I know eventually they will. I am nervous about treatments and how my body will react to the treatments, but again it's something that has to be done so you just do it.

I am humbled by the huge support group of people surrounding our family. Everyone has been wonderful. Please keep praying as this journey is really just beginning. We have only taken the first step in a mile long journey.

Sorry if this post is all over the place- pain medicine is not helping my train of thought stay focused.

Update

I want to take the time to update everyone on our current situation. Things did not go as originally planned. Andie was scheduled to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. We knew going into surgery that a few of the lymph nodes were suspicious but wasn't sure how many. After the doctors got started, they determined that more nodes were involved than initially thought. This prompted them to make a change. They decided to do a mastectomy on the left side,remove 15 nodes, and leave the right side alone. Since then we have learned that the nodes were positive. This was certainly not the news we were expecting or hoping for. It is what it is and we will move forward thankful this surgery is over and hopeful all the cancer was removed.

So what now? Well, we really don't know where this journey will take us from this point. There are a lot of unanswered questions that we have. What treatments are next? Is chemo first or radiation? Will other tests need to be done?

Andie is still in a lot of pain and is battling terrible nausea. She tried getting up to walk twice but had to lay down before getting sick. She is in and out of it while taking her pain meds every 4 hours. She remains positive and optimistic and even told one family member who was upset not to worry about her because she was okay and would be fine! What a warrior! I love her determination. Extremely proud to call her my wife!

We hope to meet with the doctors tonight and find out some of the answers to our many questions. Until that happens, we will remain positive about the news, continue praying, and know that God is in total control of this situation and knows best.

I cannot thank each of you enough for the love and support shown to Andie and our family the last few weeks. I am truly humbled by all the cards,donations, and messages. The outpouring love is amazing. Thanks for hoping on the train and for taking this journey with us.

Pretty in Pink

Today some of my family, coworkers, and best friends threw a big party in my honor. What kind of party? A PINK PARTY! What is this, you ask? Well, none of us were sure exactly what it was, but it turned out FANTASTIC! Everyone wore pink...everything was decorated pink...there were pink cupcakes, pink drinks, pink balloons...absolutely everything was pink. And it was all for me- to show their love and support as I begin this journey toward kicking cancer in the butt!

I do not have the right words to give what happened today any justice. I am completely overwhelmed. I literally had an army of people show up on a Sunday afternoon to show me that they have my back and they are going to walk beside me every step of the way. That many people- without any invitations being sent! Just a few flyers hung in schools and some text messages. None of you can possibly know how wonderful you made me feel today. Thank you for such a wonderful day that I will never forget! When I am having a bad day, or hurting, or feeling sorry for myself, I will think about this day- look at the pictures, read the cards, and think of all the hugs of love and support- and I know it will bring a smile to my face every time. My cup of blessings runneth over- and today those blessings were in the form of friendship.

I also went shopping this weekend to get some things for surgery and post-surgery. I have begun to pack my bag for the hospital...I have another wonderful new friend helping me out with that among other things. Seriously, one thing I have learned is that even if you have to go through something bad or trying in your life, God will place people in your life to help you through it. I have another sweet girl who is on my same journey- in fact she is about 2 weeks ahead of me- and she has been SO EXTREMELY helpful! I feel so much more confident about this surgery and winning this battle after meeting her and her husband. She is another one who is just so positive and optimistic, it's contagious!

It's been a great weekend! I realize I haven't posted in a while and I apologize but last week was just a completely normal week around our house and I enjoyed every minute of it. There will be plenty to post this week. If I can't, I will make Jamie or my dad, or someone who likes to write, promise to keep the blog up to date.

Tonight I want every person who reads this blog to know that you are special to me and I love each of you from the bottom of my heart, even if I've never met you in person. Thank you for your support, thank you for your love, but most of all- THANK YOU FOR YOUR PRAYERS!

(A t-shirt order is in the works for shirts that have the design in the picture above. They are $10 and if you are interested you can send your money and size to Jennifer Hudgins 2370 Skyview Drive, Centerville, TN 37033)

Plans are Made

Our visit to the surgeon today was great. We had the chance to ask lots of questions and get lots of answers. Here's what we know:

I have stage 2 invasive ductal carcinoma with positive hormone receptors.
It appears to all be contained within the tumor, other than some lymph nodes that are suspicious looking (We won't know for sure about these until they are removed and sent off to a lab.)
Even if the lymph nodes are involved, I still remain at Stage 2 and will not go up to Stage 3.

The plan is to do a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction on Wednesday, February 29. Once I begin to heal from the surgery (3-4 weeks), I will begin chemotherapy treatments. I do not know how many treatments or how long I will take the chemo- that is still to be determined. I will not do radiation treatments since I'm having the mastectomy.

The surgeon was very optimistic today and encouraging. I walked out of there with a big smile on my face. I CAN do this. It feels great to have questions answered and have a plan in place. For my personality type, I get a sense of excitement from making plans, making lists, and checking things off my lists! (Yes it's weird, I know) :)

The big question that most people want to know is "So how are you really doing?" So I thought I'd take just a minute to answer that question. Honestly, I'm good. I do feel very optimistic about the situation. I feel a sense of peace, knowing that God is in control, and I feel so much comfort knowing that so many people care about our family so much. When you see me out with a smile on my face, I'm not faking it. I'm just not that type of person. I don't fake that I'm happy and then get home and sit in a corner and cry.

Having said that, I also have to admit that deep down I am also scared and nervous-not necessarily about the cancer, but because I HATE surgery, of any kind. I've had shoulder surgery and 2 c-sections, and even though the c-sections brought me wonderful babies, I still HATE surgery. So...I am dreading the surgery very much. The pain from surgery, the recovery, not being able to move either arm without pain, drainage tubes, etc...ugh... It just makes my stomach turn thinking about it.

Other than seriously dreading the surgery, and wondering what I'll look like bald-headed, I feel great about everything. In fact, I honestly think I am handling this better than some of mine and Jamie's families. I find myself reassuring others that everything is going to be okay. I have some absolutely wonderful doctors who are taking awesome care of me. I am completely confident in their ability to get me through this journey successfully. Do I like what's happened? No. Did it rock me to the core when I first found out? Yes. But is everything going to be okay? Absolutely.

Please continue praying, for me and my family, for the doctors, for others who are in the same boat as me- or maybe even worse, as this club that I have joined keeps adding members daily and they are getting younger and younger...Thanks a bunch!

***Also, I want you to know that I read every facebook message, post, comment, blog comment, card, etc...I may not have a chance to respond right away, but I promise you I read each one and they give me a great deal of encouragment.

The Royal Treatment

Yesterday the girls and I went to a local nail salon for some royal treatment. We got manicures and pedicures while relaxing in a massage chair. We had a great time. It was wonderful to spend some time with the girls doing something they absolutely LOVE.

The girls went with a "Polka Dot" theme for their fingers and it turned out really cute...

Karlie stuck with the polka dot theme for her toes, while Kinsley chose black (yes, black) for her toes. I couldn't object when she told me the plan for her big toes...


(I never realized before this picture how crooked her toes are! Sorry for those of you who hate feet! )

Yep, she wanted black toes with a pink ribbon on her big toe to support momma. How sweet.

I went with a simple french manicure for both my fingers and toes. I also had a pink ribbon painted on my big toes, but a will spare everyone the pictures. (You're welcome!)

This weekend Anderson also learned how to say "CHEESE" whenever someone wants to take his picture. It's the cutest thing! When he says it, this is the kind of smile you get:

You'll have to excuse the peanut butter all over his face. That's a new favorite of his and he enjoys every bite of it!

We had a great weekend and spent some good quality time together and did some relaxing as well. Tomorrow morning is the big appointment. I am so ready to get this surgery over with. I am anxious to hear the treatment plan now that all of the test results are in.

I will post an update tomorrow about how the appointment goes. I hope all of you had a great weekend as well!

A quick update

I didn't post anything yesterday - not much happened. In fact, it was a pretty normal day. The most normal day that we've had all week. We had a full day completely on our normal routine. It was great. I know there won't be many of those for awhile, so I really enjoyed it. It was a great day. Seriously, the cards, the messages, the comments, the hugs, the gifts...I could not feel more loved right now. Thank you is not enough, but for now it's all I have. Our family has been lifted up in prayer by people across several states and there is nothing more powerful than knowing that many people are supporting you through this and lifting your name up in prayer.

So, if yesterday was the calm before the storm, today was a storm- A whirlwind of tests and appointments. I left the house at 6:30 this morning and other than 15 minutes, was gone until after 8 tonight. I am worn out, but overall it was a great day. I had a CT scan, Bone Scan, EKG, lab work, appointment with plastic surgeon, and even made it to Parent-Teacher Conferences at school. Whew...bedtime is coming early tonight.

This morning I had some special treatment and was well taken care of at the hospital for all of the tests today from a very special hospital employee (she knows who she is). She went out of her way to help me be at ease, be encouraged, and stay positive. Her positive energy definitely is contagious. It did my soul good to spend time with her- you see, she knows what I'm going through...she's been there, done that, and she was younger than me (and pregnant at the time). Thank you "B" for your encouragement and help today!

Anyway, things have changed a little bit from Wednesday. All reports and test results are in. I meet with my surgeon Monday to go over them, but I do know from reading my copies of the reports, that both the MRI and CT show suspicion of lymph node involvement on the left side. Apparently some of the lymph nodes are enlarged, of course they won't know for sure if it's due to cancer until they take them out and have them checked, but right now it definitely looks suspicious.

We also met with a plastic surgeon today. We were presented with the different options for surgery. It was a great visit. Jamie and I both walked away feeling like we had plenty of information to help me make the decision. I have received the absolute best treatment thus far from every doctor, every nurse, every tech, everyone who I have come into contact with in this process has gone above and beyond the call of duty and that means a lot during a time like this.

So, what's next? At the visit Monday, we go over all test results, we make the decision on surgery, and I think we will discuss treatment after surgery, but I'm not 100% sure on that. After that, everyone looks at their schedules to see when the surgery can be done, possibly as early as one day next week.

That's pretty much all we know. I am still keeping my head up. I am positive that I can do this. I will do it, and I will beat it. I have no doubt about that. I do know it probably won't be easy, and I also realize that I will have to ask others for help, even though that is hard for me to do. :)

One quick thing...a book finally came in the mail today that I had ordered and it is WONDERFUL. If you know any young children who's mom has cancer, it's a great book to help them understand what's going on. It's called "Mom has Cancer...Let's Talk About it". I would highly recommend it.

Well that's all for now. Not sure if I'll post any this weekend. Lots to get done before surgery and lots of playtime with the kids since I may be down for awhile. Thanks for prayers! Keep praying. God is good. All the time.

Encouraging Visit

Jamie and I are thankful tonight after having met with the oncologist today. We know that prayers are already being answered!

Here's what we know...initially my surgeon and the oncologist felt they needed to hit me head on with chemotherapy first, then do surgery, then radiation in order to successfully treat this cancer. However, as more test results come in, they have begun to step back and reconsider. We were told today that now they are thinking they might can just do surgery and then radiation...and only do chemo if it has spread to my lymph nodes, which right now they do not think has happened.

So, there are more tests to be done, and decisions to be made regarding lumpectomy vs. mastectomy, and it is still a battle with cancer, but just hearing them tell us that it doesn't seem to be as bad as they initially thought, allows us to take a deep breath and thank God for this wonderful little piece of positive news.

Thanking everyone again for all of the many prayers being said on our behalf. Please keep praying!

Tests and Valentine's

Here's the plan of tests and appointments this week:
Today - Bone Density.
Tomorrow- MRI and appointment with medical oncologist
Friday- CT Scan, Bone Scan, and appointment with Plastic Surgeon

Not that you need to know all of my appointments, but several people have asked Jamie and I what I'm having done and when, so now it's here.

Today was a tough day. Not feeling well and my left arm is hurting pretty badly. Not sure why, exactly but it does add a sense of wonder. However I am relieved to know that all of these tests will be completed by the end of the week. It always feels good to know you're making progress. Let's do this!

On a brighter note:
Happy Valentine's Day! I hope everyone has a wonderful day today. I don't think I've seen so many balloons and flowers and stuffed animals before as I did at school this morning! Wow! Sorting the deliveries was a full time job for several folks in our building today! I hope each of you were lucky enough to get something from someone who told you they love you. What a great feeling!

Thanks again for all the prayers and support. Please continue to pray. I would love if you would join Jamie and me as we specifically pray that the cancer is contained to this one area and hasn't spread. Thanks so much! Thanking God today for all of the wonderful, loving people he has placed in my life.

The Appointment Today

Jamie and I met with the surgeon today. We do have some answers, but not all that we had hoped to gain from this appointment. Here's what we know...

The lump is a malignant tumor. They have labeled it a Grade 3 tumor, which means that biologically it appears to be a more aggressive type. The next step is for me to have a CT scan, an MRI, a Bone Scan, and a Bone Density to determine if the cancer has spread or if it's contained. These tests will also allow them to tell me exactly what type of cancer we're dealing with and which stage the cancer is in right now.

Once I have all of these tests completed, I will meet with a medical oncologist to make a plan of whether to do surgery first or chemotherapy first.

We should have these tests scheduled by the end of the day today. So, more waiting is in our future. But hopefully things will get on a roll quickly, as the surgeon explained that the sooner the better.

Please keep praying. Our hope is not gone.

Roller Coaster Weekend

This weekend was both wonderful and exhausting all at the same time. Seriously I have not felt more loved, more cared about, and more surrounded by support than I have over the past 3 days. The amount of people praying for us, hurting with us, and standing beside us is truly overwhelming.

As much as we have tried to keep ourselves busy this weekend, tomorrow's looming appointment has not been far from our minds. The roller coaster of emotions is what I have ridden. One minute feeling very strong and confident that no matter the news, it will all be okay and I will come out stronger on the other side...the next minute I can't breathe and find myself about to have a panic attack. The rest of the time I am somewhere in-between. I am emotionally exhausted.

Right now I am just ready to get tomorrow over with. Tell me what we know, tell me what tests I need to have to find out more, tell me what the treatment plan looks like...please just tell me something more than what I know right now.


Our appointment is at 1:15 tomorrow... I will update tomorrow night.

For tonight, all I can say is THANK YOU! God has sent an army of angels here on Earth to surround our family. Thank you for being a part of that army.

An Unwanted Journey

Our family is getting ready to embark on a journey that I had hoped we never would have to travel. But, sometimes things in life happen that we don't like, we didn't ask for, and we don't really know what to do about. Over the course of the last week, I have had to undergo some testing. And today, after having a biopsy, the words of Martina McBride rang through my head: "Cancer don't discriminate- or care if you're just 38 (or 32), with 3 kids to raise..."

The official report is not back yet, but the surgeon talked to Jamie and I today about the lump I found in my left breast. It doesn't look good. Based on the size, the shape, and the tissue that was removed, they are almost positive that I have breast cancer. They are so sure, in fact, that they have already spoken to an oncologist, who is ready to take me and begin treatments as soon as the report makes it official.


At this point that is all we know. I don't know exactly what kind of treatment plan options I will be given, but the words immediate chemotherapy have been mentioned a time or two.


Our famlies know, and tonight we sat down and told the girls. Needless to say, everyone is upset, but we are all hopeful and staying positive.

I am asking you to please pray for our family as we begin this journey. I know it won't be easy, but I know we can get through this- with God, and with the huge support system that we have around us.

A Lady Vol Weekend

This past weekend Jamie, his dad, and his step-mom took the girls to Knoxville for their first "Lady Vols" basketball game. They all had a great time! Here are some pictures from their trip.

Karlie- "How does that fwame (flame) stay on fire even with all that wind and little bit of wain (rain)?

Kinsley- "I don't know, but the flame almost burnt that man's nose because of the wind!"

During the game- Having a great time watching Coach Pat.


Posing with daddy in their new shirts

They were so excited to get to go on the court after the game!

They also got to see their Cousin, Pax, who is currently at UT for school. They thought it was pretty cool that he got to shoot T-shirts into the crowd during the game. Also, he managed to get their picture up on the big screen- Karlie loved it, Kinsley laid in the floor to get away from the camera!

What a great trip with lots of memories made! I'm sure none of them will ever forget this trip! A great time of bonding, fun, food, and lots and lots of orange! Thank you Grandpa for a great time!

Questions answered...

I thought I would do a post to answer some of the most common questions that we get asked about Anderson and his condition(s). Most people have never heard of his condition before and therefore don't really understand it. Some have asked these questions, while others I'm sure have simply wondered but not asked. Those of you who know me, know that I can explain things much better in writing than with words. So this post is dedicated to answering some of the most frequently asked/wondered questions about Anderson.

1. What exactly does he have?
Anderson actually has 3 different diagnoses: Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum, Hydrocephalus, and a large interhemispheric arachnoid cyst.

2. What does all of that mean?
Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum means that the piece of the brain that connects the 2 hemispheres and allows the right side of the brain to communicate with the left side of the brain (the corpus callosum) did not develop during pregnancy. Therefore, it is absent or missing (agenesis).

Hydrocephalus is a condition in which the amount of CSF (cerebrospinal fluid) in the brain is increased. It means that the body is not absorbing it like it should. Every person's body creates about 5 pints of CSF fluid daily, but it is then absorbed by your body. If your body doesn't absorb the fluid, for any reason, then it builds up inside the brain and can cause lots of damage due to increased pressure inside the skull.

Anderson's hydrocephalus, however, is not in a ventricle in his brain like most hydrocephalus. His is contained in a large arachnoid cyst. The doctors think that this large cyst grew and developed in place of part of his right hemisphere of his brain. The cyst is connected to his brain system, so it is not a self-contained cyst that can just be drained and be gone. It acts as part of his brain and collects CSF fluid daily.

3. So why does he have a shunt?
Anderson's shunt is placed into the large cyst. When the pressure inside the cyst gets to a certain level from the CSF fluid, a valve on the shunt opens. When the valve opens, it allows the built up fluid to drain through a tube that runs down into his abdomen. The fluid is then absorbed by his body. The shunt does not drain the cyst completely. Once the pressure in the cyst goes back down to an appropriate level, the valve shuts off and quits draining the fluid. So the hydrocephalus and cyst are both the reasons for his shunt.

4. When you talk about shunt malfunction, what exactly does that mean?
Whenever Anderson's shunt is not working properly, it's considered a malfunction. This could mean the tubing or the valve has become clogged with cells and tissue in the CSF fluid; it could mean that there is a kink in the tubing; it could be that a piece of the shunt has broken and is not working properly; or in Anderson's case it usually means that the catheter that is stuck into the cyst has come out of the cyst and is no longer collecting fluid like it should. You see, the catheter is kind of like a straw that they poke into the cyst- if the 'straw's" position moves to a certain angle, it is no longer able to do it's job. At that point, the fluide begins to increase and the cyst grows and begins to put pressure on his brain.

5. How do you know when the shunt has malfunctioned?
Well, this part is hard. And I still questions myself every time. You see, when you have a child with a shunt, they don't let you leave the hospital until you fully understand the signs and symptoms of a shunt malfunction or infection. So, why is is so hard? Well, since Anderson's shunt is in a cyst and not in a ventrical in his brain (like they usually are), his symptoms don't exactly match the "typical' symptoms. So the doctors have left the responsibility up to Jamie and myself. "You know him. You know when something is just not right." Yes, it's a little scary, okay it's a lot scary. Because if it is malfunctioned, time is of the essence. Every day that we wait to decide if it's the shunt or not, that fluid is continuing to build up and increase pressure.

Also the symptoms in an infant are different than those in a toddler/child. So basically anytime that Jamie and I have that "gut" feeling that something is not right, we have to go through the ER at Vanderbilt to have the series of tests that he needs to confirm or deny our suspicions.

Also, if he is running a fever over 101 and his pediatrician cannot find the cause, then we have to go to the ER to check for infection. Although infection is usually only a threat within the 6 weeks after a shunt surgery.

6. What tests do they do in the ER to diagnose the malfunction?
He starts by having a shunt series of XRAYS, which takes xrays of the entire shunt system from top to bottom to check for kinks or for the shunt to be broken somewhere.

Next he gets either an MRI or a CT scan. Usually they do the MRI. This gives them the pictures of the cyst. They are then able to measure the cyst to see if it's size has grown. It also gives them a good picture of the placement of the shunt catheter to see if it is still inside the cyst or if it has been displaced.

Finally, they come in and tap the shunt. This involves a very small needle that they put into the reservoir of his shunt and draw out fluid. This allows them to test the amount of pressure that is built up. It also tells them that the shunt is not working properly if they are not able to draw any fluid. If they do get fluid, it is sent off to a lab to be analyzed for infection and a host of other things.

Once all 3 of these tests have been completed, it is then determined whether surgery is necessary.

7. Will he always have the shunt or will he eventually outgrow it?
He will most likely always NEED the shunt. But, if for some reason, it was no longer necessary, they would not remove it. WIth the amount of scar tissue that builds up around the tubing, removing it would be a bigger pain than simply leaving it in. Also, it would already be in place if he needed it to work again at some point.

8. So what about the Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum? How does it affect anything?
The Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum (ACC) is what what diagnosed in our 20 week ultrasound. They were able to see that this piece was missing. ACC is actually more common than most people think. There are many people around the world who have the same (or similar) condition. With the increase in technology, it is becoming diagnosed more now during pregnancy than ever before.

ACC has a spectrum of symptoms almost as wide as the Autism spectrum. The symptoms range from mild to severe, and some have no symptoms at all. In fact there are adults who have an MRI or CT for some other problem, only to find out they have ACC their entire lives and never knew it.

Some ACCers are able to fully function without any major issues, while others are never able to do daily tasks such as self-feeding, walking, toileting, speaking, etc. The range of symptoms is mostly due to the different conditions and disorders that can accompany ACC. It also depends on if there is a chromosome deletion or abnormality.

9. Why were you told that Anderson would have no quality of life after he was born?
Along with the ACC and hydrocephalus, which have many effects neurologically themselves, they were also able to see the large cyst right after he was born. The cyst was completely covering the majority of his right hemisphere of his brain. So much, in fact, that they felt that only a small portion of that right hemisphere had even developed. Basically, they initially told us that about 1/4 of his right side was brain tissue and the other 3/4 was this cyst that had grown in it's place. They knew that medically, only having 1/4 of one side of your brain, plus the ACC, plus the hydrocephalus, should equal MAJOR delays. What they didn't know (or express) is how big our GOD is, and how he is the GREAT PHYSICIAN.

So when I call Anderson our MIRACLE child, I am not just saying that. Medically, he shouldn't be able to do half of the things that he does. We still love when new doctors come in to see him after only reading his chart...it's priceless.

10. So has any of this affected him at all?
Yes. Of course he had to have the shunt due to the Hydrocephalus and cyst. Along with the shunt comes all of the problems, frustrations, and worries with one of those. Anderson also struggles with his gross motor skills. He started Physical Therapy once a week at 6 months old, and just recently was released.

Why? Because doing activities like walking/crawling/etc you are moving both sides of your body at the same time..this requires the 2 sides of your brain to work together. But when the bridge that allows that communication is missing, it makes this much more difficult (the ACC). The brain is a wonderous organ, which can create new paths when needed. With a lot of repetition of movements/activities the brain creates new pathways to get the information from one side to the other.

Anderson has also been a part of the Tennessee Early Intervention System since he was a month old. I know that part of why he is doing so good is due to early intervention. Instead of waiting for him to be behind, we are able to be proactive. They keep a close watch on his developmental skills and milestones. We also have an Early Intervention teacher who comes to our house once a month to do activities with him to help him meet milestones. She also works with Jamie and I on things to do to develop needed skills. They are a great resource to have.

11. What does the future hold?
Only one person truly knows that answer. But this much I do know...Anderson will be in the Early Intervention program until he turns 3. At that point, he will transition into a "Special Pre-K" class in the public school system, which he will be a part of until he goes to Kindergarten.

I also know we will continue with all of the issues that come with his shunt. I have come to accept that these ER visits will be part of our new normal. At 20 months old, he has had the initial shunt placement and 4 revisions. While I'm hopeful that this newest shunt system works for a long time, the longest we've gone so far with the same shunt is 11 months.

Beyond that, I really don't know. We don't know if he will have learning problems when he gets to school, or anything past that point. So we take everyday as it comes. We celebrate each small milestone as a great accomplishment. We are thankful each day for how well he is doing. We work hard each night on certain skills (right now it's speech). And other than that, we leave the rest of his story up to God. In my heart, I feel God has big plans for Anderson as he gets older, and I can't wait to sit back and watch the story unfold.

**Thanks for reading. If there are any questions that I didn't answer, feel free to leave those in the comments section and I will get to them. ***

Revision #4

Right before surgery back in the holding area. Right after surgery. Came out with a half mohawk! Bless him. All that time trying to grow out his hair...

Incision on top of his head. This is where the catheter and valve are now located.

Incision behind his right ear where they took out the valve to move it to a different spot.

Feeling great! Happy to be home!