The Pros of Cancer

Sounds like a terrible title for a post, huh?  Can there really be "Pros" to having cancer?  I think so.  Everyone has an idea of the bad parts of cancer, I mean, even just saying the word sends chills down the spines of most.  But I think it's important to also be able to see the good in every situation- even a cancer diagnosis. 

So what kind of good things can I say about cancer?  Here's the list I've started so far...and I plan to keep adding to it throughout this journey, because I know there will be many more.

• Support- The amount of support that our family is getting from so many people is absolutely overwhelming. I see people that I don't even know wearing "Andrea's Army" t shirts and bracelets.  I get cards in the mail from people I have never met.  And then there's the people I do know...and that Army is a big one!  I couldn't ask for a better support system to help get me through this.   
• Prayers- There is no greater comfort than knowing your name is being lifted up in prayer by a huge group of people.  It's just that feeling of wondering if God gets tired of hearing my name each day (which I know he doesn't) that puts a smile on my face.  I like to think of it as a child who really, really wants something and they keep asking over and over..."Please, mommy, please...please...mommy?, mommy? please?"  until the mother just wants to say 'Ok- whatever you want, just please quit asking."  Seriously I know that is not a good comparison, but just thinking about all of the prayer warriors out there bringing our family's name before God makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  :)
• The Little Things- The big C rocks your world when you first get the diagnosis, but as you begin the journey you realize just how special those little moments are in the big picture.  Healthy Andrea would have enjoyed going to Karlie's dance recital, but cancer Andrea realized what a special event it was- memories being made that we will look back on for years to come.  Little things, like snuggling on the couch, mean so much more now than they did pre-diagnosis.  Not that they didn't matter, just that they matter more now.  I try to take each moment with my kids and make the most of it, especially while I'm feeling good.  Because on the weekends after treatments, I don't really get to be a mom. 
• Stronger relationships- My relationships have all been strengthened through all of this.  My parents, my siblings, friends, everyone I am around- but especially with Jamie.  He has been so good through all of this.  I really don't even know how to put into words how thankful I am for him.  I know this has not been easy on him, but he has handled all of it with such grace and strength.  He is a super-dad, super-husband, super-caretaker..I could go on and on.  He has stepped up to the plate, faced all the changes head on, and has never complained even once.  I couldn't ask for a better husband to support me and help me get through this journey. 
• Planting a seed- So many people have shared with me stories of people who have been touched by our story.  Please don't take this one the wrong way, because I am not taking credit for any of this, but God is bringing people to him through our story.  Some people are praying more, some are realizing what is most important in life, some are questioning their own relationships, some are deciding to start a relationship with God.  I love to hear these stories.  They really have absolutely nothing to do with me or my family, but it's God shining through our situation to bring others to Him.  And if even one person gets closer to God from hearing our story, then it is all worth it in the end. 

Thank you to each one of you who have a part in our journey.  Your support and prayers hold us up on the bad days.  Please don't take this post to mean that I am glad I have cancer, or that it's not a big deal.  Because that is not even close to being accurate.  Cancer stinks.  Seriously.  There are plenty of things about it that could get you down and keep you down, but I am determined to keep things in perspective.  I take it one day at a time.  Some days are good, some are horrible.  But rather than dwelling on the bad, I choose to try to find the good in each situation.  I pray a lot, and when I'm down I try to find scriptures to lift me up, to help me feel God's presence, because I know he's there by my side, holding my hand.  He will never let go...and for that, I am truly thankful.

Chemo #1

It's been exactly one week since my first chemo treatment. For the first 3 days I was so sick I couldn't do anything, including write a post, and for the past 4 days I have felt so good I haven't had the time to post!



How was the first treatment? Well, it was bad. I realize it could have been much worse, but to me, it just stunk. The nausea hit me Thursday afternoon not too long after getting home. And the pills they told me to take for nausea? Yea, well they didn't work. But I alternated the 2 medications all weekend, will little relief. Along with the nausea, I simply felt awful- no pain, just an overall feeling bad. I also had zero energy. I spent the entire weekend wrapped in a blanket in my recliner.

By Sunday, I was determined no matter how badly I felt, I WAS going to church with my family. I WOULD be there Easter Sunday. I WOULD make it to my mom's to watch the kids hunt eggs and fly kites and ride the 4wheeler. So, I got up and showered. Then I got dressed and started getting the kids ready. I really felt terrible, but I kept telling myself to keep going. Finally I realized there was absolutely no way I could make it. I just wasn't ready. I was too sick and too weak to go anywhere. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. After being sick for 3 days and not knowing when I would feel better, I hit an emotional low Sunday. I threw my positive attitude out the window and started convincing myself that I CAN"T do this. Really. It was bad. If I'm being honest, it was the lowest point I've been at emotionally in a very long time. I was mad that I wasn't well enough to spend time with my husband and kids, I was frustrated because I was so sore from my port placement that I could hardly move my "good" arm, I was upset because I felt like I was missing out on part of my kids' lives, and I began to fear the future.

However, finally Sunday evening there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Suddenly, almost as if a light switch had been pushed, I wasn't nauseous anymore. Food actually sounded good, although I was a little hesitant to eat in fear the nausea would return. But I grabbed on to this small piece of hope and held on tightly.

By Monday morning, I still had the horrible metallic taste in my mouth, but no nausea. So I decided I was finished having my pity-party from Sunday. It was time to put on my big girl panties and move on. So I got ready and went to work. That was the best thing I could have done. Yes I was tired, but I made it through the day and felt great. It actually felt almost normal, you know, like an ordinary day.

So I've been able to work all this week and that is good for my spirit. It's good for my kids, too, because we are all back on our normal routine where we spend 2 hours a day in the car together going to and from school, talking and singing. Each day I feel a little better. It has been a great week. I now understand exactly why these treatments are every other week- just when you think you can't go through it again, you start to feel better...and you enjoy feeling good for a week and a half to convince yourself you CAN do it again, just in time for the next treatment.

My next treatment is a week from today, April 19. I plan to enjoy feeling great from now until then. And if I know that I will only be sick for 3 days, then I will try to keep that in perspective for the next one and not allow myself to hop off the positive train this round. I do have one concern, though, that I would really like to ask for prayers about. Karlie's 1st ever dance recital is Saturday the 21st- yep, 2 days after my treatment. I am not going to miss this recital. I'm planning to ask about some different meds or things I can do to maybe not be so sick on Saturday. She has worked so hard and is so excited- I have to be there for her. Also, the opening act is her class doing a dance with their dads to the Steven Curtis Chapman song "I Danced with Cinderella". I do not want to miss this. These are memories. I don't want to just have to see pictures- I want to be there to be a part of these memories. So will you please pray that I will be able to attend her recital? I don't have to feel great- I just have to be able to get out of the recliner and make it to the recital.

Thanks so much! Our family has been wrapped in prayer and support from so many people. We appreciate this more than you know. My list for thank you cards continues to grow each day, no matter how many I get sent out. We truly are overwhelmed by your love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.