Here we go again

I spoke with my doctor last night.  He had just gotten off the phone with pathology regarding my tissue that was being examined.  It appears that my breast cancer has metastisized to my ovaries.  This is the better of the 2 options (this vs. a new ovarian cancer).  I am now waiting for a call from my oncologist to let me know what this means, what our treatment plan will be, and the overall prognosis of this additional diagnosis. 

I have so many emotions going through my mind.  It stinks to have only felt cancer-free for 3 weeks before beginning this journey again.  (Even though I realize now that I never was Cancer-free.  This just had not been discovered yet.)  But still, ignorance is sometimes bliss, and those 3 weeks were greatly enjoyed thinking I had won the battle. 

Even though I still trust God as much as I ever have, I still have so many questions, so many fears, so many 'Why" questions that only HE can answer.   I get sad, I get angry, I get frustrated, I feel peace, I have hope - all of these feelings at different times during the day.  It's like a roller coaster. 

I'm not afraid to fight again.  I know how stubborn I am- I know that I will fight with everything I have- but I think this time the realization that no matter how hard you fight you don't always win...hits a little too close to home. 

I really hate it for Jamie and the girls especially.  They have literally been through a lot of emotional stress watching me fight for the past year- and just when we celebrated, here we go again.  I'm pretty sure none of them are ready to endure what's coming again so soon.  Please pray for them.  I have an army of people ready to pray and stand by my side as I fight, but they also need this army to hold them up when they don't have the strength to stand on their own. 

As I know more, I will try to update.  Just please continue to pray for our family. 

Short Lived Celebration

Well, our hopes of 2013 being better than 2012 have been short lived.  Our celebration of "Cancer Free" was also short lived.  I had my complete hysterectomy, as well as ovary removal and fallopian tube removal on Wednesday.  We got a visit this evening from my doctor, who informed us that the preliminary tests came back and there is more cancer.  At this time, we don't know if my breast cancer has mestatasized or if this is a new cancer.  We should know more by the beginning of the week.  We don't have a lot of information or answers- all we know is the cancer isn't gone.  So the battle is not over.  Looks like I'll be fighting again sooner than any of us had hoped. 

Please, please pray for our family.  That is all we need at this point- prayers. 

So..what's the latest?

As many of you know (and some of you don't), my mom and I took a trip during Christmas break to Houston, Texas.  We went to MD Anderson Cancer Center for a 2nd opinion- just to make sure nothing had been missed and to get the opinions of their specialists regarding my treatment from this point forward.  I had some questions regarding "what now?" that I had been given differing opinions in answers from different physicians.  So, I figured if I was going to get another opinion, I might as well go ALL OUT and go to one of  THE TOP Cancer Centers in the nation.

We had absolute tremendous support from all of our family and friends.  Donations to help pay for the trip, prayers, encouraging words, and even a group of "Andrea's Army" who were at the airport at 4:30 in the morning to wish me well before the flight!  Jamie and I continue to be amazed at how much love and support we have received throughout this journey.  Now we're brainstorming ways to say "Thank You" and to "Pay Forward" the generosity, love, encouragement, and support we have received.

The trip to Houston was just as wonderful as I had hoped it would be.  The doctors and nurses were amazing, and acted like I was the only patient they had that day when they came in the room.  They answered all of my questions, helped me fully understand my cancer and the prognosis of it.  They also helped put together a plan of what the next few months and years should include, in order to help do everything possible to keep this cancer from returning.

So...as you already know...at this point, I can officially be considered CANCER FREE!  I am now a survivor instead of a fighter.  Yes, cancer will always be a part of my life- yes I will continue to have follow up exams and screenings, but at this point, the battle is over and I came out VICTORIOUS!  Yahoo!

So, what now?  Well, there are 4 events that are taking place in the next 6 months.  First, I had a CT scan this past week to recheck the "cysts" that were seen on my kidneys back in February 2012 - Just to make sure they are stable and nothing to worry about.  Next, I will be having surgery later this month to have a complete hysterectomy (ovaries included).  I also am moving my care to a different oncologist.  I absolutely MUST have confidence in the person in charge of staying on top of this cancer thing.  Finally, I will be having  a mastectomy on the other side, as well as reconstruction sometime later this summer.  I have to allow my skin to heal from all of the radiation treatments before they do any reconstructive type surgery.

Other than that, I now can focus on getting healthy, exercising, losing weight, paying attention to any symptoms that last longer than usual, and always be aware of any lumps, bumps, or changes.  Pretty much- I can now focus on living and enjoying life.

It's a great feeling.  It's a freeing feeling.  And I'm looking forward to many posts this year that don't even include the word CANCER.