Someone sent me this video and I just had to share it with the rest of you who have been beside us on this journey. With still 12 weeks to go, I feel Anderson has already blessed our family so much...and we haven't even heard him cry. Hope you enjoy!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Second Best sounds pretty good!
We finally got our news today (at 3:30pm) and got a diagnosis. We are very happy with the news...just as we had prepared ourselves for, the corpus callosum is not there- at all. We know that the best news ever would be for everything to have shown up on the MRI that should be there and be told the ultrasounds were wrong. BUT...the second best news is that everything else looks good and appears to be functioning properly- only the corpus callosum is missing.
This is good news, though. The exact diagnosis for all of you medical folks is: isolated agenesis of the corpus callosum. We have been told that Anderson will have mild symptoms, if any. We have also been told that he will surprise us...things that we think he will struggle with he may have no difficulty with at all.
Jamie and I feel like a load has been lifted off our shoulders because now we KNOW. There is no more guessing of whether it's there or not there...no more wondering if there are other things involved or just this. Let me tell you, knowledge is freedom.
I feel like I can now move on and begin preparing for a new baby, just as any expecting mother does. I can enjoy the final 13 weeks (or less) of the pregnancy, without worry. You see, there isn't a lot that can be done now, until he is born. Now that we have the diagnosis, we know a little more of what to expect. We know that we will continue being seen by my regular OB as well as the specialists at Vanderbilt. We know that we will see a pediatric neurologist at our next visit to Vandy to get more information about what to expect when he is born. We know that we will deliver at Vanderbilt and that many pediatric specialists will be available, IF they are needed. We know that once he is born, he will be able to receive therapy from Early Intervention soon after birth to help him meet those milestones. We know that pretty much the rest is up to him...it will be gauged on how well he does.
We know that no matter what, he will be loved and adored by many friends and family. He will be the light in his big sisters' lives, and a blessing to anyone who is around him. We know that with all of the support and love he will have in his life, he is capable of ANYTHING...I can't wait to see what all he is able to accomplish!
Thank you again for your prayers. This diagnosis truly is an answer to prayers...you see, it could have been much, much worse. We are so thankful for this diagnosis. We are relieved and excited about what the future holds for our family. God does answer prayers, and we are humbled by the number of prayers that have gone up daily on behalf of our family and sweet baby.
This is good news, though. The exact diagnosis for all of you medical folks is: isolated agenesis of the corpus callosum. We have been told that Anderson will have mild symptoms, if any. We have also been told that he will surprise us...things that we think he will struggle with he may have no difficulty with at all.
Jamie and I feel like a load has been lifted off our shoulders because now we KNOW. There is no more guessing of whether it's there or not there...no more wondering if there are other things involved or just this. Let me tell you, knowledge is freedom.
I feel like I can now move on and begin preparing for a new baby, just as any expecting mother does. I can enjoy the final 13 weeks (or less) of the pregnancy, without worry. You see, there isn't a lot that can be done now, until he is born. Now that we have the diagnosis, we know a little more of what to expect. We know that we will continue being seen by my regular OB as well as the specialists at Vanderbilt. We know that we will see a pediatric neurologist at our next visit to Vandy to get more information about what to expect when he is born. We know that we will deliver at Vanderbilt and that many pediatric specialists will be available, IF they are needed. We know that once he is born, he will be able to receive therapy from Early Intervention soon after birth to help him meet those milestones. We know that pretty much the rest is up to him...it will be gauged on how well he does.
We know that no matter what, he will be loved and adored by many friends and family. He will be the light in his big sisters' lives, and a blessing to anyone who is around him. We know that with all of the support and love he will have in his life, he is capable of ANYTHING...I can't wait to see what all he is able to accomplish!
Thank you again for your prayers. This diagnosis truly is an answer to prayers...you see, it could have been much, much worse. We are so thankful for this diagnosis. We are relieved and excited about what the future holds for our family. God does answer prayers, and we are humbled by the number of prayers that have gone up daily on behalf of our family and sweet baby.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Not neglected...
So I realized that in keeping everyone posted about Anderson, I haven't posted anything at all about the girls in awhile. I didn't want you to think that they are being totally neglected or put on the back burner (not that any of you would think that). So I thought I'd do a quick post to let you know what they've been up to.
They are absolutely loving life in a subdivision. They have made friends with the kids next door and spent many hours yesterday playing outside with them. This is a big deal, especially for Kinsley, because at the old house they would not play outside unless Jamie or I were right there with them. Yesterday I finally made them come in the house when the street lights started coming on.
Their other new friend is the "Ice Cream Man"... They can hear that music from miles away and will stand on the porch with thier dollars waiting on him. They think he's the coolest thing ever!
Since we live on the end of a cul-de-sac, they are allowed to ride their bikes on the street around the circle while Jamie or I am outside watching them. Kinsley was so excited about having pavement to ride her bike on that I think she rode at least 10 miles on that little bike yesterday. It sure beats having to ride in circles in the garage because we had a gravel driveway! She's hoping to practice without her training wheels soon...that should be a fun adventure.
Karlie loves riding her bike, too. She is getting better at peddling up small hills everyday. She is so funny. She has such a determination about her. She gets really frustrated, but is determined she is going to do it without help.
They are getting really excited about their baby brother and are beginning to ask more frequently how much longer until he gets here. Karlie announced at lunch the other day that "Momma has a BIG belly!" Kinsley gave her a death look and replied, "Karlie, don't say that when Momma is listening! You'll hurt her feelings." It was quite comical...as if I don't realize I have a big belly!
We are looking forward to more days with beautiful weather like we had yesterday. Planning on spending a lot of time outside playing and enjoying the subdivision life.
Jamie and I have tried very hard to protect them from knowing anything could be wrong with the baby. Of course Kinsley was with us at the 20 week ultrasound, but she has never mentioned anything else about it. We haven't talked about it with them. So, other than praying each night for their baby to be healthy, they don't have any reason to think they need to worry. That's the way I would like for it to be until there is a for sure reason that they need to know otherwise.
Have a great day! Thanks for all of the continued prayers. The MRI results did not get put in the computer yesterday for the doctor to give us the results, so we are patiently waiting until Monday to find out some definite answers. Keep praying!
They are absolutely loving life in a subdivision. They have made friends with the kids next door and spent many hours yesterday playing outside with them. This is a big deal, especially for Kinsley, because at the old house they would not play outside unless Jamie or I were right there with them. Yesterday I finally made them come in the house when the street lights started coming on.
Their other new friend is the "Ice Cream Man"... They can hear that music from miles away and will stand on the porch with thier dollars waiting on him. They think he's the coolest thing ever!
Since we live on the end of a cul-de-sac, they are allowed to ride their bikes on the street around the circle while Jamie or I am outside watching them. Kinsley was so excited about having pavement to ride her bike on that I think she rode at least 10 miles on that little bike yesterday. It sure beats having to ride in circles in the garage because we had a gravel driveway! She's hoping to practice without her training wheels soon...that should be a fun adventure.
Karlie loves riding her bike, too. She is getting better at peddling up small hills everyday. She is so funny. She has such a determination about her. She gets really frustrated, but is determined she is going to do it without help.
They are getting really excited about their baby brother and are beginning to ask more frequently how much longer until he gets here. Karlie announced at lunch the other day that "Momma has a BIG belly!" Kinsley gave her a death look and replied, "Karlie, don't say that when Momma is listening! You'll hurt her feelings." It was quite comical...as if I don't realize I have a big belly!
We are looking forward to more days with beautiful weather like we had yesterday. Planning on spending a lot of time outside playing and enjoying the subdivision life.
Jamie and I have tried very hard to protect them from knowing anything could be wrong with the baby. Of course Kinsley was with us at the 20 week ultrasound, but she has never mentioned anything else about it. We haven't talked about it with them. So, other than praying each night for their baby to be healthy, they don't have any reason to think they need to worry. That's the way I would like for it to be until there is a for sure reason that they need to know otherwise.
Have a great day! Thanks for all of the continued prayers. The MRI results did not get put in the computer yesterday for the doctor to give us the results, so we are patiently waiting until Monday to find out some definite answers. Keep praying!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The Good, The Bad, and The Undecided
It has been an exhausting day both physically and emotionally. Thank you for all the prayers throughout the day today. Please continue to pray. We don't know a lot yet. We have to wait until tomorrow afternoon or Monday for the MRI results, but for now, here's what we know...
The Good:
Anderson is not lacking in growth or nutrition at all! He is following in his sisters' footsteps of being at the top of the growth chart. They are already estimating his weight at 2lb 5 oz....and we still have 3 months to go!
The ultrasound technician thought she could see the cavum septum pellucidum today during the ultrasound. We don't know exactly what this means, but have been told that is supposed to be good news (they could not find it 3 weeks ago).
He was laying in a much better position today for them to get pictures...he is still breech, but not laying facing my back.
The MRI technicians were very pleased with the quality of pictures they were able to get. So, once a radiologist and a neurologist read the films, we should finally get some answers, or at least a solid diagnosis.
The Bad:
During the ultrasound, the sonographer felt like she could see a cyst on his brain. The doctor wouldn't say much about it, she just said to wait and see what the MRI shows.
There was a question about the amount of fluid on the right side of his brain. There wasn't enough for it to be a big concern right now, but they would have to keep an eye on it.
The sonographer also said something to the doctor about "it" being asymmetrical...Jamie and I haven't figured out exactly what is asymmetrical, but we do know that everything in the brain should be symmetrical, so we are hoping the MRI will shed more light on this.
They did tell me today that I will have to deliver at Vanderbilt rather than MRMC. I know that will be a good place for us to be, but I love my OB doctor and was hoping he could deliver this baby also.
The MRI was just as bad as I thought it would be...I hope I don't have to have anymore of those!
The Undecided:
At this point, we really don't know if today was good or bad...when we left the 11:30 ultrasound I was devastated. I felt like more bad things had been revealed to us than any other ultrasound...but the doctor wouldn't say much until she gets the report from the MRI, so I don't know whether to be worried, or if everything is going to be okay. By the time we left the 5:00 MRI, I just felt lost. I felt like I was walking away from an exhausting day with no more information than I had this morning when I walked in.
Anyway, thank you so much for your continued prayers. Please don't stop praying. We are hoping for good news when we get the results from the MRI. We do still know that God is in control and he will take care of everything, but I did have some weak moments today where I allowed Satan to try to convince me that things were NOT going to be okay. The good thing is that when I am weak, Jamie is stronger than ever, and vice versa. He is wonderful to me...after the ultrasound he just kept reminding me that everything will be okay, and that we will get through this TOGETHER, no matter what.
We are both completely exhausted. I only got about 30 minutes of sleep last night. I was so anxious for today and what we would find out, that I just watched the clock tick all night long. I am hoping for a good night's rest tonight. I will post as soon as we get some results- which will hopefully be tomorrow if I can harass enough people at Vanderbilt! :)
For tonight, I will leave you with some of the words of one of my favorite songs that went through my head several times today:
I was sure by now,
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls,
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you."
And as your mercy falls,
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away
I'll praise you in this storm
I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried,
You hold in your hand,
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.
~Casting Crowns "Praise You in this Storm"
The Good:
Anderson is not lacking in growth or nutrition at all! He is following in his sisters' footsteps of being at the top of the growth chart. They are already estimating his weight at 2lb 5 oz....and we still have 3 months to go!
The ultrasound technician thought she could see the cavum septum pellucidum today during the ultrasound. We don't know exactly what this means, but have been told that is supposed to be good news (they could not find it 3 weeks ago).
He was laying in a much better position today for them to get pictures...he is still breech, but not laying facing my back.
The MRI technicians were very pleased with the quality of pictures they were able to get. So, once a radiologist and a neurologist read the films, we should finally get some answers, or at least a solid diagnosis.
The Bad:
During the ultrasound, the sonographer felt like she could see a cyst on his brain. The doctor wouldn't say much about it, she just said to wait and see what the MRI shows.
There was a question about the amount of fluid on the right side of his brain. There wasn't enough for it to be a big concern right now, but they would have to keep an eye on it.
The sonographer also said something to the doctor about "it" being asymmetrical...Jamie and I haven't figured out exactly what is asymmetrical, but we do know that everything in the brain should be symmetrical, so we are hoping the MRI will shed more light on this.
They did tell me today that I will have to deliver at Vanderbilt rather than MRMC. I know that will be a good place for us to be, but I love my OB doctor and was hoping he could deliver this baby also.
The MRI was just as bad as I thought it would be...I hope I don't have to have anymore of those!
The Undecided:
At this point, we really don't know if today was good or bad...when we left the 11:30 ultrasound I was devastated. I felt like more bad things had been revealed to us than any other ultrasound...but the doctor wouldn't say much until she gets the report from the MRI, so I don't know whether to be worried, or if everything is going to be okay. By the time we left the 5:00 MRI, I just felt lost. I felt like I was walking away from an exhausting day with no more information than I had this morning when I walked in.
Anyway, thank you so much for your continued prayers. Please don't stop praying. We are hoping for good news when we get the results from the MRI. We do still know that God is in control and he will take care of everything, but I did have some weak moments today where I allowed Satan to try to convince me that things were NOT going to be okay. The good thing is that when I am weak, Jamie is stronger than ever, and vice versa. He is wonderful to me...after the ultrasound he just kept reminding me that everything will be okay, and that we will get through this TOGETHER, no matter what.
We are both completely exhausted. I only got about 30 minutes of sleep last night. I was so anxious for today and what we would find out, that I just watched the clock tick all night long. I am hoping for a good night's rest tonight. I will post as soon as we get some results- which will hopefully be tomorrow if I can harass enough people at Vanderbilt! :)
For tonight, I will leave you with some of the words of one of my favorite songs that went through my head several times today:
I was sure by now,
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen" and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls,
I barely hear you whisper through the rain
"I'm with you."
And as your mercy falls,
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away
I'll praise you in this storm
I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried,
You hold in your hand,
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm.
~Casting Crowns "Praise You in this Storm"
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Jamie's View
I am so excited! Jamie decided he would join me in doing some posts for the blog. The following is his perspective on the pregnancy, the initial ultrasound, and what the future holds.
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Let me first say "Thank you" to everyone who has offered up prayers on our behalf and said many kind, thoughtful, and encouraging words during the last few months. I cannot tell you how much both have meant to our family. It is truly a blessing to have such wonderful friends!
It was the day we had all looked forward to. One that seemed like it would never arrive. It was the day we would finally find out the sex of our third child. We were all so excited. Kinsley even got to skip school to go with us to find out the big surprise.
After having two healthy, beautiful, adorable girls, it was my wish, as it is for most fathers, to have a boy. A son I could call my own. One who would hopefully want to be and do everything his father was and did.
After arriving, we were placed in an ultrasound room with the sonographer. She was polite, profressional, and explained the entire process. Everything was going exactly how I had envisioned. This was great!
You could tell that she had a process by which she examined every fetus. A process which would not reveal the sex of the baby at first. This was one of the main reasons I came to the ultrasound. I wanted to know what we were having. I had been through two of these before. Just tell me whether I am having a boy or a girl!
Shortly into the examination, we began hearing words like beautiful, amazing, perfect, etc...These are the words every parent dreams of hearing. Words that convey that everything was in place and working. I was on top of the world.
She then revealed that we were having a BOY! My eyes filled with tears. I was overcome with joy. My wish had come true!
Soon after this announcement, her tone of voice changed. You could see it in her eyes. She became serious, reserved, and focused, as if something was wrong. We were told this is the last thing she looks for. She continued to look. By this time, I was scared. I mean, really scared. I was sick. My stomach was in my throat. What could be wrong? Don't tell me this one thing that I had longed for wasn't perfect. Don't tell me that he won't be able to walk, talk, or do anything for himself.
Until this time, everything seemed okay. All necessary parts were in place and working. I thought we were having a beautiful and perfect baby. It was then that we were placed in a room to wait and talk to the doctor. We waited for over an hour waiting to talk with the doctor. This seemed like an eternity!
When the doctor arrived, she discussed the problem. She gave us a brief description of the CC and it's role in the brain, as well as any effects that Anderson may experience if it did not develop by the next ultrasound.
As you are aware from Andrea's previous posts, the CC is still not there. All other factors seem to be in place, normal size, and functioning. For this I am thankful.
I have come to realize that Anderson may not be perfect in the way I USED to think of as perfect. He will be his own person and I am convinced he will teach me many special things about life I have never thought about. He will be loved and spoiled. Most of all, I will be thankful to God for giving me a son of my very own!
Thank you again for the phone calls, kind words, and prayers. I humbly ask for your continued prayers in the upcoming months as we prepare for the arrival of Anderson. May God richly bless you and your family.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Welcome to Holland
As Jamie and I prepare ourselves for our doctor's visit this Thursday, we feel blessed beyond measure. The number of people who are praying for our sweet Anderson is overwhelming. God has also placed two other new people in our lives this past week who have been a blessing to us. It can't be a coincidence that I have met, and gotten to talk to, two other mothers of children with ACC (Agenesis of the Corpus Callosum)- one right here in my hometown, and another several hundred miles away in Arizona. What a blessing!
Tonight, I know that Thursday's appointments will be stressful, I know that I am scared out of my mind to have the MRI, and I am nervous of exactly what we will find out. But, God is still giving me a sense of peace. I feel that I am prepared to handle the news that the CC is not there at all, even on the MRI. Especially after talking to one of my new friends on the phone, I know that this news will not be the end of the world. Will it be different than what we planned? Yes, but that doesn't mean it's bad... I am also prepared to have a huge celebration if we were to happen to find out that the CC is there and everything looks wonderful. Although I have not allowed myself to get my hopes up this time. I am prepared for either outcome.
One of the things that I discussed with one of my new friends who knows what I'm going through because she has "been there, done that", was the fact that people who have never been through something like this don't understand, they don't know what to say, so often times, they don't say anything. It's funny to watch people's reactions when they come up to me and ask how I am feeling/doing. When I reply..."I am great! I couldn't be better! I have no complaints." they look at me like I'm crazy. But, I am okay. I feel great. And I know and trust that God is in control. He has given me a peace like I never thought I would have with something like this.
But I wanted to share a poem with you. This poem was written by a mother of a special needs child, who puts into words what it is like to have a special needs child...She does a very beautiful job of putting into words what it's like from the moment you are pregnant and find out your child has something wrong.
While I haven't experienced all of the areas of the poem because I am still in the planning stages of my "trip", this poem gives me hope. It gives me a new perspective of looking at life. It's a little long, but it is WONDERFUL so please read the entire thing. Maybe you, too, will be blessed by her words.
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Welcome to Holland
By: Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability-to try to help people who have not shared the unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.
It's like this: When you are going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans: the Coliseum, Michaelangelo's "David", the gondolas in Venice...You may learn some handy phrases in Itailian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the big day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands.
The flight attendant comes and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. All my life I have dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plans. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. You must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there awhile and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they are all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that is where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
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Thank you, Lord for allowing me my trips to Italy twice already. Please help me to plan for a wonderful trip to Holland this time, if that is your will.
Tonight, I know that Thursday's appointments will be stressful, I know that I am scared out of my mind to have the MRI, and I am nervous of exactly what we will find out. But, God is still giving me a sense of peace. I feel that I am prepared to handle the news that the CC is not there at all, even on the MRI. Especially after talking to one of my new friends on the phone, I know that this news will not be the end of the world. Will it be different than what we planned? Yes, but that doesn't mean it's bad... I am also prepared to have a huge celebration if we were to happen to find out that the CC is there and everything looks wonderful. Although I have not allowed myself to get my hopes up this time. I am prepared for either outcome.
One of the things that I discussed with one of my new friends who knows what I'm going through because she has "been there, done that", was the fact that people who have never been through something like this don't understand, they don't know what to say, so often times, they don't say anything. It's funny to watch people's reactions when they come up to me and ask how I am feeling/doing. When I reply..."I am great! I couldn't be better! I have no complaints." they look at me like I'm crazy. But, I am okay. I feel great. And I know and trust that God is in control. He has given me a peace like I never thought I would have with something like this.
But I wanted to share a poem with you. This poem was written by a mother of a special needs child, who puts into words what it is like to have a special needs child...She does a very beautiful job of putting into words what it's like from the moment you are pregnant and find out your child has something wrong.
While I haven't experienced all of the areas of the poem because I am still in the planning stages of my "trip", this poem gives me hope. It gives me a new perspective of looking at life. It's a little long, but it is WONDERFUL so please read the entire thing. Maybe you, too, will be blessed by her words.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Welcome to Holland
By: Emily Perl Kingsley
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability-to try to help people who have not shared the unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel.
It's like this: When you are going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans: the Coliseum, Michaelangelo's "David", the gondolas in Venice...You may learn some handy phrases in Itailian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the big day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands.
The flight attendant comes and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. All my life I have dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plans. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. You must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there awhile and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they are all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, "Yes, that is where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
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Thank you, Lord for allowing me my trips to Italy twice already. Please help me to plan for a wonderful trip to Holland this time, if that is your will.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Latest News...
The past month has FLOWN by so quickly! It seems like just a week or so ago since I last updated the blog, but now I realize that it has been exactly a month. What a busy month it has been!
We did sell our house and have moved into our new home. We still have a few things that we have NO idea where they are, but overall things are unpacked and we are loving our new space. Due to the move, we have been without internet service for well over a week. I haven't been able to post to the blog or check many facebook statuses, besides the few minutes of wireless we "borrow" from a neighbor. (hey, if you don't put a password on your wireless, then you are technically allowing me to borrow! Oops!) I figured there were some of you who had been checking the blog for an update on the baby since our visit to Vanderbilt on the 24th of February.
The 24th was the day that we (along with many of you) had been praying for a miracle. We didn't get our miracle that day, but we did get some encouraging news. The corpus callosum was still not visible via ultrasound. This was hard for me to hear, because I had convinced myself that it WOULD be there this time. However, after getting over the initial disappointment, I allowed myself to hear the positive news among all of it.
At this time, everything else in the baby's brain (or body for that matter) appear normal: normal size, normal shape, normal placement, etc. The only problem is the missing corpus callosum. This news is good because it pushes us toward the less severe end of the symptoms spectrum. In fact, the doctors at Vandy told us there are adults walking around today missing this piece of their brain and they don't even know it- sometimes adults go for a CT scan for some other reason and discover during the test that they are missing this piece of their brain...weird, huh?
We are scheduled to have a fetal MRI on March 18th. The MRI should show the area of the brain in much more detail than the ultrasound is able to do. We will receive a diagnosis after the results of the MRI are shared with our specialist. They did explain to us that there will still be many questions that they cannot answer, even after giving the diagnosis.
As I mentioned earlier, I was very disappointed at first during our last appointment. However, I have since realized that it's okay. This time I am preparing myself for the MRI to also confirm that this area of the brain is still missing. I am preparing myself for a diagnosis, as well as any challenges we may face with this sweet baby boy. This does NOT mean that I don't still pray every day for a miracle. It does NOT mean that I have given up on God or think that he isn't going to do anything about it. In fact, quite the opposite. I believe all things happen for a reason. I know that God has the power to heal this baby, but if he chooses not to do a complete healing, there is a purpose. Either he has big plans for this child, our family, or some other way that this situation will be used for his glory. I don't know the reason, but I do know that God is in control and he will take care of us- NO MATTER WHAT.
Can I admit something? There are days that I really feel guilty about asking people to pray for the baby. Sound crazy? I know. But instead of asking myself "Why me? Why my baby?" I've started asking "Why not me?" Do I think I am too good to have a child with special needs? So, thank you for your prayers...but sometimes I feel guilt about asking for them. I know prayer is a very powerful thing, but this guilt is something I am currently struggling with.
We don't know what the future holds for this child, but right now the doctors are leading us in a more positive direction. This good news must be answers to prayers going up on behalf of this baby and our family. Praise God! We do believe in the power of prayer, but I am also realistic and understand that things don't have to be PERFECT to be OKAY. And I think I can live with that.
By the way, this sweet baby does finally have a name:
Anderson Knox Spears
We did sell our house and have moved into our new home. We still have a few things that we have NO idea where they are, but overall things are unpacked and we are loving our new space. Due to the move, we have been without internet service for well over a week. I haven't been able to post to the blog or check many facebook statuses, besides the few minutes of wireless we "borrow" from a neighbor. (hey, if you don't put a password on your wireless, then you are technically allowing me to borrow! Oops!) I figured there were some of you who had been checking the blog for an update on the baby since our visit to Vanderbilt on the 24th of February.
The 24th was the day that we (along with many of you) had been praying for a miracle. We didn't get our miracle that day, but we did get some encouraging news. The corpus callosum was still not visible via ultrasound. This was hard for me to hear, because I had convinced myself that it WOULD be there this time. However, after getting over the initial disappointment, I allowed myself to hear the positive news among all of it.
At this time, everything else in the baby's brain (or body for that matter) appear normal: normal size, normal shape, normal placement, etc. The only problem is the missing corpus callosum. This news is good because it pushes us toward the less severe end of the symptoms spectrum. In fact, the doctors at Vandy told us there are adults walking around today missing this piece of their brain and they don't even know it- sometimes adults go for a CT scan for some other reason and discover during the test that they are missing this piece of their brain...weird, huh?
We are scheduled to have a fetal MRI on March 18th. The MRI should show the area of the brain in much more detail than the ultrasound is able to do. We will receive a diagnosis after the results of the MRI are shared with our specialist. They did explain to us that there will still be many questions that they cannot answer, even after giving the diagnosis.
As I mentioned earlier, I was very disappointed at first during our last appointment. However, I have since realized that it's okay. This time I am preparing myself for the MRI to also confirm that this area of the brain is still missing. I am preparing myself for a diagnosis, as well as any challenges we may face with this sweet baby boy. This does NOT mean that I don't still pray every day for a miracle. It does NOT mean that I have given up on God or think that he isn't going to do anything about it. In fact, quite the opposite. I believe all things happen for a reason. I know that God has the power to heal this baby, but if he chooses not to do a complete healing, there is a purpose. Either he has big plans for this child, our family, or some other way that this situation will be used for his glory. I don't know the reason, but I do know that God is in control and he will take care of us- NO MATTER WHAT.
Can I admit something? There are days that I really feel guilty about asking people to pray for the baby. Sound crazy? I know. But instead of asking myself "Why me? Why my baby?" I've started asking "Why not me?" Do I think I am too good to have a child with special needs? So, thank you for your prayers...but sometimes I feel guilt about asking for them. I know prayer is a very powerful thing, but this guilt is something I am currently struggling with.
We don't know what the future holds for this child, but right now the doctors are leading us in a more positive direction. This good news must be answers to prayers going up on behalf of this baby and our family. Praise God! We do believe in the power of prayer, but I am also realistic and understand that things don't have to be PERFECT to be OKAY. And I think I can live with that.
By the way, this sweet baby does finally have a name:
Anderson Knox Spears
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