It's been too long...

Lots of wonderful things have been going on in the Spears family since my last post. School is out for summer break.  We are looking forward to a relaxing summer spending some quality time together as a family.  And thanks to some dear friends at church, we will be going to the beach in June.  I know we will have a wonderful time and make many fabulous memories as a family.  What is it about the beach that makes all of your cares and worries feel like they wash away with each wave?  I don't know what it is, but the beach is definitely one of my "Happy Places" where stress doesn't exist, problems are in the back of your mind, and the only item on the to-do list is to relax and make memories.

On May 4, a huge group of my closest friends and people dear to my heart held a benefit in my honor.  It was a FULL day of fun, friends, support, and raising money to help our family.  It started that morning with a 5K run/walk.  Then there was a live auction, silent auction, cake walk, food, cotton candy, activities for the kids, and much more.  There was also a golf scramble scheduled for that day, but it was postponed due to the weather.  We are looking forward to seeing everyone on June 1st for the rescheduled Golf Scramble.  There was a huge amount of money raised.  I don't even know what to do or what to say to everyone who planned, attended, supported, or donated to this event.  I literally have no words.  Unless you've been in a similar situation, you have no idea how it feels to not have the financial burden of medical bills hanging over your head- to have an account to help pay bills- to have extra money to help pay for trips back to MD Anderson or to UCLA for clinical trials, or wherever else I have to go or whatever I have to do to help fight this battle- I no longer have to worry that I will be taking away from my family if I spend the money to go do those things.  That's the peace of mind this money has given me.  Thank you is not enough.  But if I'm honest, I don't know what else to say or do.  I could never write enough thank you notes- Even if I spent every spare minute I have writing thank you notes to everyone who has done something for our family, whether part of the benefit, or cooking meals, or paying for my house to be cleaned, or sending me money and cards in the mail- It would take me several months to write them.  So I hope each of you know how truly thankful Jamie and I are.  We pray that my health will improve to the point that we can give back and pay forward the things that have been given to us.

The core group of ANDREA'S ARMY who did the benefit.  

 Anderson loved the BALL PIT.

 Cake walk time!  

 Someone had too much fun and passed out during the live auction.  

 Mmmmm....COTTON CANDY!

 Nan Kelley from GAC came to be a part of the benefit!

 The winners of the 5K. 

Great Friends!  

Speaking of paying it forward.  We were on the receiving end of someone else paying it forward recently.  Jamie went to get a puppy for me for our 11th anniversary.  You see, I've always wanted a bloodhound.  So he found some beautiful puppies nearby and wanted to surprise me with one.  When he went to get it, he found out the sweet couple had received a gift from someone a week earlier and they had been trying to figure out how to pay it forward.  They knew what we were going through and told Jamie they wanted him to have the puppy for free.  They hoped that the puppy would bring me much happiness.  It definitely has!  In fact, it has brought much happiness to our entire family.  Can you tell why?

Jamie has had a birthday since my last post, and Kinsley celebrated her 9th birthday with several of her friends. She had a sleepover and we went to see the Croods at the movies.  The girls all had a great time, but I realized I'm not as young as I used to be.  Whew- 10 girls ages 9 and under...I realized quickly I couldn't keep up with them.  Anderson will be turning 3 soon, so we will have a combined family party at our house this weekend.  We're looking forward to spending time with our families and celebrating these 2 sweet youngins.

                                 3 friends had already left when we made this photo the next morning.  

Anderson got some wonderful news a few weeks ago.  Since he will turn 3 in June, he has to transition out of TEIS.  Part of the transition is to have a full evaluation screening to see if he qualifies to enter the pubic school system by going into a Special Pre-K class.  With TEIS, he qualified for services based upon his diagnoses alone, but that's not the case with the school system.  When the testing was complete, he came out in the Average Range in every area tested!!  He did not qualify for the pre-K class.  While this shouldn't be a huge surprise to me because I am with him everyday and see the things he can do, it still shocked me considering what all he's been through and what we've been told in the past.  I can't wait to share this news with the Pediatrician who follows him each year at Vanderbilt.  I know they will be amazed as well!  Just another example of the power of prayer and God's blessings- even when we least expect them.

I draw so much strength from Anderson and how God has worked in his young life.  On the days I start thinking past the present and looking toward the future, there is a feeling in my gut that brings up many questions...many "what ifs"...and I start to feel like I can't breathe.  But then I try to think of Anderson.  I think of what the doctors said his condition would be and I remind myself that only God knows how long I will live and what my cancer will do over the next few months/years.   I cannot live each day in fear of the "what-ifs".  I must choose each day to focus on the PRESENT that God has blessed me with- and make sure to not overlook my current blessings for fear of what may or may not happen.

I have had a little anxiety lately.  Today at my doctor's appointment they drew blood to re-check my tumor markers that were elevated back in February.  This will be the first glimpse that we get as to how my cancer is responding to my current treatment.  I guess the reason I've been anxious is because it seems that for the past year and a half, I tend to get bad news each time I go for results from tests.  I had to get used to Plan B because Plan A never worked out like I had hoped.  So a sense of fear rises up each time I'm getting tests done-  fear that when the phone call comes it will again be bad news.  I hope and pray for good news, and I try to continue to be positive about everything and know that God is in control, but I have to admit that I'm human and part of being human is trying to constantly put out the fire of fear that Satan can put inside your head.  The good news is that I should have the results sometime tomorrow or no later than Friday.  Any prayer warriors out there who read this, a prayer for some encouraging news is greatly appreciated.

I hope to spend more time blogging while I'm out of school this summer.  But I can't make any promises :).