Let the games begin...And may the odds be ever in your favor!

Just a little quote from Hunger Games to begin this post! I have been doing really good the past few days and I was able to get out of the house and go on a few adventures. I started this past Thursday night by going to the midnight premier of the Hunger Games. I absolutely loved it and had a great time. I had read all 3 books during Christmas vacation and I have been counting down til the movie- I was disappointed when I thought there would be no way for me to go, so when I felt good and had a good visit with the doctor that day, I decided to go all out!

Friday night the kids all went to spend the night with Meme and that allowed Jamie and me to spend some time together relaxing and going out to eat with real adult conversations. I enjoyed it tremendously.

Saturday included more relaxing (before the kids came home). It was much needed relaxing, especially for Jamie. I have to brag on him - he has been absolutely fantastic. He is such a wonderful husband and father. I don't know what I'd do without him. Especially this last hospital stay- he had to practically help me do EVERYTHING, because they put my IV in the bend of my arm on the only good arm I have, which limited my range of motion on that side too. Even eating was a challenge!

Sunday we were able to go to worship as a family, which was wonderful! It had been a month since we had been able to do this and it was great to be back and see everyone, and to hear a great sermon on the 23rd Psalm. I then spent the day with one of my best friends, visiting one of our teachers who just had surgery, and then meeting up with some other friends for lunch. I have never been so glad to get out of the house! It was a great day!

Today was the cherry on top...I am so happy tonight as I post this! In fact, I feel a little less tied down...you see, I have had drainage tubes coming out of my side for a month straight...I fully realize their importance and why I have them, but they drive me crazy. In fact, they have been the majority of my frustrations! Forget any pain, I can handle that! But trying to hide the tubes, sleep with the tubes, wear clothes that don't rub the tubes, etc.. You get the point. Well, today my FABULOUS doctor took out both of my drainage tubes!!!! Hooray! He also took out the stitches from my most recent incision, and the best part....He gave me permission to take a quick trip to the beach before I begin my treatments! YAHOO! Have I mentioned how wonderful he is??

So, lots of good things happening today! We also found out today that I will have my Port placed next Tuesday and I will begin my treatments next Thursday. Yep, next week I will finally begin the next phase of this journey. Am I ready? Yes, because you can't finish if you don't start...and the sooner you start, the sooner you finish. BUT, I honestly am a little frightened about it, too. I have no idea how my body will react to the treatments and that's a little (ok, a lot) scary. Considering the track record of my body over the past 2 months, I don't have a lot of confidence in it!

I will just have to stay focused and not allow these fears to overtake me. I must stay focused. I must remind myself that God is by my side, holding my hand, and he will never leave me. I must also think of all of you, lifting our family up in prayer, and ready to stand by our side every step through this entire journey. We can do this! And what a celebration we will have when this journey is over and we come out victorious!

So, as we prepare for next week, the Hunger Games quote seems to be appropriate : "Let the games begin! And may the odds be ever in your favor!" (Effie Trinkett)

The plan...

Ok, well Jamie and I are breathing a little easier tonight. Not because anything wonderful or spectacular happened at the oncology visit today, but just because we have a plan and KNOW what to expect, and like I've said before, there is comfort in having a plan.

So here it is: 20 weeks total of chemotherapy. 8 weeks of Adriamycin and Cytoxan, given every other week. Then 12 weeks of Taxol, given every week. After chemo I will also have radiation, although we won't go into the specifics of how many treatments until that time gets closer. After all chemo and radiation treatments are finished I will also have 5 years of hormone therapy, but that is just medication taken by mouth.

They are hoping to get started either the first or second week of April, depending on how well I continue to recover from the most recent infection and procedure.

So my goal is that by Christmas of this year I will be pronounced cancer free!

I know this won't be easy, but I am ready to get started. Thank you for your prayers today and everyday. Your prayers and support, as well as God's strength, are what keep us going each day.

***As a side note: We did not see the doctor we were supposed to see today...not sure what happened. But after waiting 45 minutes back in a room, the doctor I had already seen before surgery came in to tell us the treatment plan. I know they all work together so, I am trying to decide if it matters which one I see when I go, as long as I feel comfortable and get all my questions answered, which I did today. Jury is still out on how I feel about this.

Home Again and Doing Great!

I was finally discharged from the hospital this past Thursday with some very strong antibiotics to take for the next 14 days. I was so glad to be home! I have never spent that much time in the hospital, and I have a new understanding of how easy it is to get down and depressed with each day that goes by. I really feel for those who spend weeks at a time in the hospital- by Wednesday, I had decided it was time to have a pity-party. I really wanted to go home, but when they told me I just wasn't ready yet, I felt sorry for myself. So Wednesday was a really bad day, emotionally speaking, where I think I really had a lot of time to think and come face to face with the journey I have just begun. I know everyone keeps saying how strong I am, but in reality, I am not strong. I am weak, but in my weak moments I pray and ask God to hold me up, to get me through, to push me forward. Well, during my pity-party Wednesday I simply allowed myself to feel like I was all alone in this journey. I know that is the farthest thing from the truth, but when you don't feel great and you have a lot of time to just sit and think, you can easily convince yourself of anything. I allowed myself to lose focus of all of the people out there supporting me through prayer, t-shirts, bracelets, cards, etc. I allowed myself to forget that God was right there beside me at the hospital, helping my body heal and get stronger each day. I guess that's a natural thing, but let me tell you- it's lonely.

Somehow a few friends of mine knew (or maybe just suspected) that I was having a bad day, and they decided to make a surprise visit to the hospital- even though I had been placed in isolation. They came in with a giant picture collage from my pink party, as well as some of my favorite snacks. We did a lot of laughing that night, and it was exactly what I needed to remind myself that I am never alone in this journey. God is always there, but so are a whole host of friends, family, and complete strangers- standing by my side, lifting me up in prayer, and ready to be there on those difficult days.

My and Jamie's families have been an absolute blessing through all of this, helping keep some normalcy and routine for the kids while I was stuck at the hospital. I really don't know what we'd do without them all being so close to us and willing to help out whenever and however they can.

I came home with the directions to get plenty of rest. Let me tell you, no one is having to fight me to follow these orders. This infection completely wiped me out! I can get up and do a few things and then it is straight back to my recliner to rest. I am not being stubborn. While I know I didn't do anything to cause the infection, I am not risking doing anything to cause another setback. I am following doctor's orders and getting plenty of rest.

Other than the exhaustion, I really feel pretty good considering what my body has been through the past 2 weeks. I don't have much pain at all, other than some soreness. Sleeping is sometime difficult as it's hard to get comfortable while making sure my left arm is in a good position to allow the fluid to drain, making sure the drainage tubes (I have 2 again) aren't kinked or somewhere they could be yanked out while I sleep, and just trying to be in a comfortable position for the soreness from the 2 surgeries. That is pretty much my only complaint.

I apologize for not updating the blog more frequently. I tend to do short updates on Facebook, but then I was reminded that there are people checking the blog who aren't on facebook. So I will try to do better with the updates on here, even if they tend to be short rather than long.

Monday is our rescheduled appointment with the oncologist. It's Monday afternoon so I will post again Monday night as we are hoping to have a plan and lots of answers when we leave that appointment. Please pray that this appointment will go well- Jamie and I already have a slight bad taste in our mouth after the doctor refused to come and see us while I was in the hospital, even though his office is attached to the hospital and required a short walk down a hallway. I pray that our minds are changed on Monday when we meet face to face.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! The weather around here is absolutely gorgeous and I was able to enjoy some time outside today, which felt great. Keep praying! Let's move forward in this journey!

What happened?

I was doing so good. Recovering just like I should, incisions looking great, and feeling great. We were looking forward to our appt with the oncologist (supposed to be today) so we could find out the plan and move forward in our journey. Then Friday afternoon I began having more pain than I had experienced since leaving the hospital. I met my dr after hours to let him have a look and everything looked fine. There was a little redness but nothing out of the ordinary. So he did a few things and told me to let him know in the morning if I wasn't better. Well, I wasn't better-in fact Saturday morning I was hurting so badly I couldn't get comfortable so Jamie took me back to his office Saturday morning. This time he tried to pull fluid from the surgical site to check for infection but there was no excess fluid that he could pull off. So he wrote me some prescriptions and told me to let him know if I didn't get better. By Sunday morning the nausea and vomiting started. I couldn't keep anything down, which also meant I couldn't take my pain meds. I have never been that sick in my entire life!

Finally my family told me enough was enough-they were calling the dr and taking me to the ER. I kept fighting this because I knew I couldn't sit in the waiting room because I was so sick. My wonderful doctor agreed and decided I needed tests run to figure out why I was so sick-especially 11days after surgery. Most infections show up within the first week. So Sunday night around 5:30 I was admitted and the testing began.

My poor hand looks like a pin cushion. They needed lots of blood and I was dehydrated which made finding a good vein even more difficult. By the time they finished I had lost all strength and I was a big baby. I was crying because I didn't feel good and everyone who walked in the room did something to hurt me. It was definitely one of the lowest moments of this journey.

As the results came in my white blood cell count was very high, CT scan showed possible pneumonia but no fluid collection at my surgical site, and my heart rate was high. So I was started on antibiotics and they began trying to find where the infection was that was causing all of these symptoms. Monday morning my dr came back to try to pull off fluid again and this time he did get fluid and it didn't look pretty. My doctor was just sick. So he went to culture the fluid and told me if it started to grow then we would have to go in and check it out. In less than 2 hours my nurse came in and told me I had just been put on npo status, which told me I was having surgery again. Then my dr called me and told me he was going to have to go in and check things out. So I went back into surgery at 2:00 yesterday.

Once they got in there it was obvious that my body had rejected the foreign bodies that had been placed in for the reconstruction. It was so bad they had to take everything out and clean it out and l eave it out. Reconstruction will just have to wait until I have finished my treatments and am healthy once again.

I felt better immediately after surgery. Feeling even better today. I am not sure yet how much this will delay us but the oncologist did not come see us today, but did reschedule our appt for Monday the 19th. Not what we had hoped for, but it will have to do. We are still in the hospital tonight as we wait to get the results of the cultures to see which medications I need to be on to kill any lingering infection and to determine if it can be meds by mouth or if they have to be IV antibiotics. Also my blood pressure is low and they are having a hard time getting it back up. It's not dangerously low, but much lower than what it normally runs so they are watching it closely.

So that's where we re now. Not sure when we will get to go home but for now we are making the best of it. I even got to get wheeled outside and enjoy some sunshine! Thanks for the continued prayers and support. I received several pictures of teachers (and some students ) from Kinsley's school who wore their "Andrea's Army" shirts to school today and they brought me to tears, not because I was sad but because I was so overwhelmed by their love and support. I love you guys! We will keep fighting!

Gettin' Antsy and Some Results

Getting Antsy? That's me. I can only be forced to sit in my recliner and rest for so many days before I start going CRAZY. And today, that' exactly where I found myself. So, I talked my mom in to taking me out of the house. "Where do you want to go?" she asked. "I don't care. Anywhere but here." So we hopped in the car (or slowly lowered myself with my pillowpet might be more accurate) and took off.

We went to her house for a little while, went and got lunch, strolled through Hobby Lobby, and ran a few other errands. The sunshine was wonderful and I was feeling as great as could be possible almost a week after surgery. I am proud to say that I have only taken my pain meds 2 times all day today and I still feel great! :) Yeah Baby!

Then this afternoon I went back to the doctor to have my incisions and drainage tubes checked. Everything looks good at this point as far as healing goes. I was able to get 1 of the tubes taken out which is wonderful because those things are a real pain in the backside trying to keep hidden when you are out and about in public! (I figure most people would not appreciate my drains hanging out for them to see all the fun stuff that fills them! So I do my best to hide them but don't feel successful at times.)

Overall the visit was a good one. We do have a more clear vision of this cancer and the tumor that I had because the pathology report from surgery is back. So...the tumor ended up being only a little bigger than 2 cm (I don't remember exactly but 2.1 or 2.3 or something). They ended up removing 16 total lymph nodes and of those 16 only 10 were positive. (only?). 10 didn't seem so bad to me because I originally had thought all of them were positive but after being sent to pathology, 10 out of 16 didn't seem so bad. But I guess I was wrong, though. Because having this many lymph nodes involved and the way they looked (some lymph nodes were nearly as large as the tumor) they have now put me at Stage III rather than Stage II.

Not exactly what you hope to hear, but as we were leaving I told my mom that this does not change my treatment at all. I still have cancer and I still have a battle. Haven't we known that since the beginning of February? Yes. Do I hate that it never seems to be the "typical" or "less severe" situation when I go to get results? yes I hate it. But I know I can't change it. There is absolutely nothing at this point I can do to make those results different.

What can I do? I can keep praying. I can keep asking my Army of friends to pray. And I can make the decision to do WHATEVER it takes to fight this cancer and kick it in the butt. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. So dear friends, I know there is a purpose in this that God will reveal, and I know he is by my side. BUT I also know that I have a lot more life to live. I have 2 daughters who need their mom to help them as they grow- to fight with as a teenager, and then be a best friend to when they have their own children. I have a son who will need reminded that he CAN do it and to never ever give up no matter how hard it gets. I have a husband who needs me, not only as his wife, but as his cheer leader and best friend. I have a family who need me- I am their laughter and strength. I also have a school full of children who need me- because I am the first smile that some of them see each morning. And better yet- I still have many people in my life who need to know Jesus and know what's it's like to have a relationship with him. I am not finished with the many purposes God placed me here on earth to accomplish. So giving up is not an option. Oh no- I will fight this to the end- and in the end I pray that God allows me to come out victorious.

It's me!

I came home from the hospital Thursday morning. I was thankful to be so close to home as I held tight to my pillow pet which was wedged between myself and the seatbelt. I felt like Dorothy because there really is "no place like home". Since we've been home, I've spent a lot of time in my recliner. I have been able to keep my pain under control pretty well, except for when Jamie cleans my drains I start hurting really bad and even got really sick one time.

I went back to the surgeon yesterday who was very pleased with how well I am doing and how great my incisions are healing. Even though things didn't go as planned, I am doing great with Plan B.

It has taken me a little time to wrap my brain around the WHY questionss that I was asking after surgery but I think I understand enough now to be at peace with everything. We were originally doing both sides for a peace of mind for me mostly. So when I woke up and found out that only one side had been done because the other side was so bad, it naturally made me want the other side gone too. I don't think anyone likes to come out of surgery and be told they had to go with "Plan B". But I now understand the decision that was made and I realize that it was the best decision.

I still have cancer. I still have to have chemotherapy- none of that has changed. I may have to also have radiation due to the lymph node involvement. And now I will probably begin treatment sooner than originally planned.

What I don't know (or don't understand) is how that many lymph nodes were in that bad of shape without anyone knowing it. As soon as they opened me up and took one look at my nodes, they knew right then they weren't going to do the other side. The appearance, the shape, the hardness, the size of the lymph nodes took any question of whether they were involved or not out of the question. They removed 15 nodes and all of them were positive. While this scares me, I keep reminding myself that I had a cancer battle before we knew this and I have a cancer battle after knowing this- the only thing that may have changed is how aggresive of treatments I have to go through. I will probably also have a PET scan sometime in the near future to absolutely make sure there are no signs of cancer anywhere else in my body.

Physically I am doing well. I am keeping my pain under control overall. I do have moments of pain, and I make sure to take my medicine when it's time, but feeling good considering. Emotionally I am good. I am okay with how things have gone, I am okay with the fact that things don't "look" great yet because I know eventually they will. I am nervous about treatments and how my body will react to the treatments, but again it's something that has to be done so you just do it.

I am humbled by the huge support group of people surrounding our family. Everyone has been wonderful. Please keep praying as this journey is really just beginning. We have only taken the first step in a mile long journey.

Sorry if this post is all over the place- pain medicine is not helping my train of thought stay focused.