Please don't pinch me...

  I recently had a CT scan of my entire body because the doctors were concerned that my cancer had spread outside the bones and found its way into an organ.  This was based on the fact that one of my tumor markers had risen and a recent MRI of my back showed that the cancer had spread into my spine just since my PET scan back in February.  It was a pretty scary time, as I was faced with the fact that if it had spread outside the bones, then my hourglass of time left on the earth was emptying much faster than expected.  However, if it was found to only be in my bones, then it would not be life-threatening as long as we could find a treatment that would keep it contained to the bones.

After the luck that I've had through this journey of always seeming to get bad news or always going with Plan B, I have to be honest and tell you I did not feel good about those results at all.  In fact I had myself convinced that it had spread somewhere else.  I let my mind wander to many bad places that day and that night, while awaiting the call of the results.  Honestly- I was scared.  Not because I didn't think God was still in control, but because I realize that even when He is in control, that doesn't always mean complete healing.  People die every single day.  Is it because God wasn't in control?  I don't think so.  But sometimes His plan doesn't look anything like what we hope it looks like, and as hard as that is to understand, I realize that He knows best.  He knows the plan, He can see the big picture, while I can only see a small part.  And yes, sometimes people have to die- even His own son, but look at the results of that- I thank Him daily for allowing His son to die FOR ME!

The next morning my oncologist called first thing and I could hear the excitement in her voice as she said "It's nowhere else!  It is contained in your spine.  This is VERY good news!"  And upon hearing that news, I breathed a sigh of relief that lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders.

I know cancer being in my spine doesn't sound like something to be thankful about- it can cause fractures, spine compression, pain, numbness, etc..- but when you look at the other option, suddenly it doesn't sound so bad.

I have also been signed up for a clinical trial with the Sara Cannon Research Institute.  I'm really excited about the trial that I will begin in a few weeks.  It is not a NEW drug that they don't know anything about that they are trying to get approved, rather it is 2 separate drugs that are already FDA approved, but they are trying to prove that the combination of taking both drugs together can more aggressively treat the cancer cells, with little or no side effects on the patient.  They have already had great success with others on the trial, and the doctor and nurses were very optimistic for me as well.

In fact, I have been given the clearance to proceed with getting my left side reconstructed.  As you may remember, after my mastectomy I had reconstruction, but my body rejected it and I ended up with a pretty severe infection.  My body has been pretty messed up since that surgery, but with chemo, radiation, hysterectomy, stage IV diagnosis- that just hasn't been at the top of the list of things to worry about.  And I'm sure many of you are wondering why I would put myself through that again with the chance that the same thing could happen again.  Well, I'm not sure you could fully understand unless you have been in my position, but emotionally it's difficult to be 33 and have every physical part of you that makes you a woman either removed or damaged.  I'm not being vain- but it's hard to deal with feeling like a 70 year old woman at the age of 33.  So it's time.  It's time to be able to shop without worrying what things look like, it's time to shop for a bathing suit without trying to find one with a "pocket" for my prosthesis.  Maybe that's too much information, but it's real.  It's the life of a breast cancer patient.

So this coming Monday, July 1st, I will once again go back into surgery.  Not to remove cancer or to remove organs feeding the cancer, but to replace part of what the cancer has already taken.  Surgery to help me be whole again.  Am I excited?  I am BEYOND excited.  Nervous?  A little, but after everything I've already been through, I'm hoping this will be a breeze.  They will be using skin, fat, and muscle from my back for my reconstruction.  Really it's very interesting.  I will have a tissue expander, which is a foreign object in my body- so prayers that my body doesn't reject it this time is greatly appreciated.

Also, Jamie and I are just a few steps away from starting the construction of our house.  Building this house has always been a dream of ours, and this is the right time for us to build it.  It's very exciting.

Lots of good things happening for the Spears Family lately.  And if this is a dream, please don't pinch me...I'd like to enjoy it a little longer.

The Roller Coaster Continues...

This journey continues...I know it's going to be a long one- but some days I wish I could just forget the word Cancer.  It stinks.  There is absolutely nothing good about having it- BUT when you have Stage IV, you must find as many positives as you can.  You cannot allow yourself to wallow in the negatives or allow your mind to go to bad places all the time.  There is life to be lived!  It's been difficult to try to find positives when every time I go for results, it seems I always get bad news or find out I have to go with PLAN B.

But today, for the first time since this journey began, there was GOOD NEWS.  You see, the doctors did an MRI on my back last week, because I had started having some back pain and one of the three tumor markers they checked was greatly increased.  It was in this MRI that is was discovered that the cancer has spread throughout my spine.  Several spots.  So many spots, in fact, that we knew my current treatment obviously has not been working.  But before a new plan could be made, I had to have a CT scan of my body to make sure it had not spread to other organs.  So, basically, the quality of my life was going to be determined by this CT scan.  As long as the cancer is contained in the bones, it is not life-threatening.  However, when (or if) it spreads to organs, then you are on a time clock- trying to buy as much time as you can before the cancer wins the battle.  So, yesterday I was quite anxious.  I have to be honest.  I 'd love to sit here and say that I had no worry or stress or anxiety- but I'd be lying.  I am human.  Deep down I knew God was still in control, but after getting bad news so many times, I also knew that just because He's in control doesn't mean things will turn out the way I'd hoped.  I did not have a good feeling about this test.

However, my oncologist called me first thing this morning to tell me IT HAS NOT SPREAD ANYWHERE ELSE!  IT IS CONTAINED WITHIN MY BONES!  Folks, I don't know if you understand how wonderful this news is!!!  Do I still have cancer?  Yes.  Do I still have stage IV cancer?  Yes.  Is it spreading?  Yes.  But with it contained to my bones, we have time to change my treatment plan to find something that works to either a.) keep it from spreading any farther or b.) completely destroy it.  This news is an answer to many, many prayers.

What else has been happening?  Well, we were able to have the Andrea's Army Golf Scramble on June 1st. Another wonderful day surrounded by many friends and supporters.  They raised a great deal of money to help our family.  A lot of work went into this event and I am so appreciative to those who put in countless hours (and those who spent lots of money) on our family's behalf.  Here are a few pictures from the event:

Some of the wonderful folks who put a lot of time and energy into making this event a huge success!

Coach Butch Jones signed an actual game helmet for Jamie!  He is so proud of it!

Also, Anderson went for his yearly check up with his Neurologist, who was extremely pleased with how well he is doing.  His exact words were, "I guess it just doesn't get any better than this!"  So if all continues well, we will see him next summer!  Another answered prayer!

Thumbs up for a GREAT visit!

Our family is getting ready to head to the beach for a week.  We can't wait to get there.  We are looking forward to relaxing, and just spending some quality time together as a family.  We are thankful for the people who put this trip together for us.  I don't think anyone will ever know how thankful we are- I really can't put it into words.

On June 29th they are having a 3-on-3 basketball tournament- a shootout for cancer.  As you know, Jamie is a huge basketball fan- an a very talented player.  It's going to be a great day.  If you love basketball, we'd love for you to put together a team and join us- but if you're like me and have no basketball talent, we'd love for you to come join us in the crowd to watch these games.  It's on June 29th at the Columbia Academy gymnasium.  If you'd like more information, contact my sister Kari Robinson at  tyekmom@gmail.com or my sister-in-law Danielle Haygood at 931 446 3181  .  You can also check out the event page on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/events/655800017779399/

I look forward to seeing you there!  Thank you for your continued prayers and support!  Until then...Keep living!  Keep Praying!  Keep Fighting!

With love,
Andrea