A Few Funnies, Part 1

Now that things have calmed down a little and Anderson is doing great, I just had to share a few stories from our experience at the hospital that are quite comical.

We will start today with Part 1- The Staples

So, since I had a C-section, I stayed in the hospital for 3 days after delivery. On the day of discharge, the doctors decided that my staples were NOT ready to come out. So, they told me that since the baby was still in the hospital, to come back to Labor and Delivery in 3 days and have my staples removed. Easy enough, right?


Once Anderson had been moved to the Children's Hospital on Monday afternoon, I decided I better go get them out. I walk back over to the regular hospital and go to Labor and Delivery and explain what I need done. The girl looks at me like I have 3 horns growing out of my head and says "We don't do that here."

"Okay...then where do you suggest I go to get this done?"

"Go back over to the nurses station where you recovered and tell them what you need."

I walk over there, tell the same story, while this time about 5 nurses look at me like I'm crazy. They tell me that will call the doctor that discharged me and see what I need to do. Could I please go sit in the waiting room? Sure. I haven't done enough sitting and waiting yet. I would LOVE to do that.

So I sit...for about 30 minutes. While I'm sitting there I remember that these directions for my staples to be removed are actually written in my discharge orders...so I walk back to the nurses desk and tell them that if they will just pull up my orders in the computer they will see that I am not out of my mind. The nurse looks at me and says, " Oh yeah...I forgot you were in the waiting room. I got busy doing something else. I will call for someone to come get those out for you."

I ask, "Do you know how long it will be? My baby has just been moved over to Children's to get ready for surgery tomorrow and I'd rather not spend all night over here waiting to get these taken out..."

She now shows some signs of compassion and picks up the phone and says it will only be a minute. But sends me back to the waiting room.

About 10 minutes later, a nurse comes to get me. We walk back up the hallway, and as we come around the corner she points to the person who has been given the task of removing the staples...I have 2 words for you:

Doogie Howser

Remember that show? Where there is a 16 year old doctor? Well, when she points to the appointed person, I see a 26 year old male standing there.

Well, this is a little uncomfortable...(he has the same look on his face.)

But I decide that these staples MUST come out, so I need to put my comfort aside and let this boy, I mean guy, do his job.

So we walk to a small room that is only big enough for an exam table and a few cabinets full of medical supplies. I decide to try to have conversation to ease the silent tension that is filling the room as he begins to remove the staples.

"So, are you a nurse?"

"No. I'm a medical student." (greeeeaaaat!)

"Really? What year are you?"

"I'm in my third year."

"Going into Obstetrics?"

"No...(are you ready for this?)...Opthamology."

"Opthamology? Really? Like an eye doctor? So what brings you over here to the OB/GYN floor?"

"During your 3rd year of medical school, you have to rotate through many different specialties. I am doing OB right now."

okay, so maybe he's been doing this for a month or so and at least has a clue what he's doing.....

He continues, "I got to see my first C-section this morning. Man, I had no idea that they keep you guys awake for those things. It was pretty awesome."

or maybe he doesn't...

Don't worry...this gets even better.

He gets to the last 3 staples and says, "I'm not sure if these are ready to come out or not." Then he shrugs his shoulders, and says, "Ah, we'll go ahead and take them out and just put some steri-strips on them."

Yeah, no biggie, right? Just my insides might fall out or I may get a serious infection.

So he takes them out. And then says, "Oooh. They are oozing pretty good. Better hold some pressure on this area for awhile." (Awkward? Noooooooo....)

Finally he is ready to cut the steri-strips to put on there, only he can't find any scissors in the room. So he tells me he will be right back, he's going to find some- and he leaves.

I hear him knock like all doctors do before entering a room. This knock is followed by the door handle jiggling, and him pushing against the door- that won't open. Yes, my friends, Doogie Howser has just locked himself out of the room and does not have the key.

I hear other nurses in the hallway cackling as he asks, "Does this door lock automatically?"

Yes, genius. It does.

I'm laying on the exam table wondering if I should get up and open the door for him, but decide to just lay there. So he goes back to the nurses desk to ask someone for a key to let him back in.

When he comes back in, he is even more embarrassed and things are MUCH more awkward. He puts the steri-strips on in record time and sends me on my way.

Wow. Did that just happen? Yes, it did. Jamie seemed to think it was hilarious when I made it back to Anderson's room...at the time, I did NOT think it was that funny. But now that I think back, I realize it actually is quite comical. Seriously, none of this was exaggerated or made up...that is EXACTLY how it happened.

Only me...Only me.