Gettin' Antsy and Some Results

Getting Antsy? That's me. I can only be forced to sit in my recliner and rest for so many days before I start going CRAZY. And today, that' exactly where I found myself. So, I talked my mom in to taking me out of the house. "Where do you want to go?" she asked. "I don't care. Anywhere but here." So we hopped in the car (or slowly lowered myself with my pillowpet might be more accurate) and took off.

We went to her house for a little while, went and got lunch, strolled through Hobby Lobby, and ran a few other errands. The sunshine was wonderful and I was feeling as great as could be possible almost a week after surgery. I am proud to say that I have only taken my pain meds 2 times all day today and I still feel great! :) Yeah Baby!

Then this afternoon I went back to the doctor to have my incisions and drainage tubes checked. Everything looks good at this point as far as healing goes. I was able to get 1 of the tubes taken out which is wonderful because those things are a real pain in the backside trying to keep hidden when you are out and about in public! (I figure most people would not appreciate my drains hanging out for them to see all the fun stuff that fills them! So I do my best to hide them but don't feel successful at times.)

Overall the visit was a good one. We do have a more clear vision of this cancer and the tumor that I had because the pathology report from surgery is back. So...the tumor ended up being only a little bigger than 2 cm (I don't remember exactly but 2.1 or 2.3 or something). They ended up removing 16 total lymph nodes and of those 16 only 10 were positive. (only?). 10 didn't seem so bad to me because I originally had thought all of them were positive but after being sent to pathology, 10 out of 16 didn't seem so bad. But I guess I was wrong, though. Because having this many lymph nodes involved and the way they looked (some lymph nodes were nearly as large as the tumor) they have now put me at Stage III rather than Stage II.

Not exactly what you hope to hear, but as we were leaving I told my mom that this does not change my treatment at all. I still have cancer and I still have a battle. Haven't we known that since the beginning of February? Yes. Do I hate that it never seems to be the "typical" or "less severe" situation when I go to get results? yes I hate it. But I know I can't change it. There is absolutely nothing at this point I can do to make those results different.

What can I do? I can keep praying. I can keep asking my Army of friends to pray. And I can make the decision to do WHATEVER it takes to fight this cancer and kick it in the butt. And that's exactly what I'm going to do. So dear friends, I know there is a purpose in this that God will reveal, and I know he is by my side. BUT I also know that I have a lot more life to live. I have 2 daughters who need their mom to help them as they grow- to fight with as a teenager, and then be a best friend to when they have their own children. I have a son who will need reminded that he CAN do it and to never ever give up no matter how hard it gets. I have a husband who needs me, not only as his wife, but as his cheer leader and best friend. I have a family who need me- I am their laughter and strength. I also have a school full of children who need me- because I am the first smile that some of them see each morning. And better yet- I still have many people in my life who need to know Jesus and know what's it's like to have a relationship with him. I am not finished with the many purposes God placed me here on earth to accomplish. So giving up is not an option. Oh no- I will fight this to the end- and in the end I pray that God allows me to come out victorious.