Feelings

As I type this, Anderson is sleeping peacefully. We are being as quiet as possible so we don't wake him because he is HUNGRY and can't have anything to eat. His surgery was originally scheduled for 9:30 but we have already been bumped to 11:30. I know it's a good thing that he is not considered an "emergency" case, but I hope someone takes into consideration that he is only a week old and doesn't understand why he can't have a bottle. (maybe that is just the mommy in me!)

Jamie and I were able to get a sleep room at the hospital last night which consists of a twin bed and a reclining chair. At least it had a shower in the room, which meant more to me than a comfortable bed because right now sleeping is not something I do much of- too hard to get comfy after the c-section and too much on my mind. A good hot shower is absolutely necessary, though.

So the big question is "How are we feeling?" This morning I have lots of different emotions going on (and the post-pregnancy hormones aren't helping much.)

My first emotion is sadness- It breaks my heart to see this little fella get poked, prodded, have IVs started, blow veins, do more IVs, wear a mask so that he can be under the billiruben lights, and know that he will be intubated for his surgery. One 1 week old today and it has been a rough start for him.

I also have a little bit of worry- I know that I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it. As a mother it is hard to know that your precious newborn will soon be put to sleep, intubated, and have a tube put through his skull to drain fluid from around his brain. The tube goes from his head down into his abdomen where the fluid will then be naturally absorbed by his body. Even though I know God is in control, I can't help but worry about him during the procedure.

I also can feel God's presence this morning. I know that he is with us and he is in control of the situation. It is completely overwhelming to know how many people are sending up prayers on his behalf. We have even had complete strangers sending us messages letting us know that they are praying for him. Jamie and I keep reminding ourselves daily that God has a plan. He sent Anderson into this world for a purpose...we don't know exactly what God has in store for him or our family, but we trust him.

Finally, I do have a sense of uncertainty. Even after the surgery we will not have any answers to how Anderson will respond to the surgery, whether it helped, or what his prognosis for the future will be. Basically, no one (except one person) knows what type of life Anderson will be able to lead. He may have some serious delays, or he may be completely fine. None of the doctors know exactly what the future holds in store for him- and we won't until he shows us what he is able to do.

Anderson is starting to wake up and try to eat his hands, so I am off for now to try to keep him as peaceful as possible. I will have someone in our family update the blog as information becomes available. Thank you for the prayers...please keep them going up all day today.